Dementia
by Kuko-chan
Summary: [It's ironic that the Oathkeeper was a symbol of Kairi, yet it was the instrument in her demise.] It was an accident. Sora didn't mean to do it, but she's gone and now he's paying the price with his sanity. Crazy!Sora fic. Full summary inside. FINISHED!
1. Chapter 1: The Accident

Full summery: One night, a terrible accident occurs and it leaves Sora in a complete mental shock. For the next 60 days, he goes through severe stages of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. This story is about his battle with not the Heartless but his own inner demon, namely a certain vengeful blonde Nobody.

Please take a moment to read through this disclaimer before continuing any further:

Psychology disclaimer: I am not a psychologist. I have never taken any psychology courses. I in no way claim to know without a doubt how one would react in a situation such as this, nor do I claim to know how to treat PTSD. Some of the methods explored in this story are bound to be incorrect. I would prefer if psychology majors and people who have experienced PTSD first hand didn't rag on me for inconsistencies. My knowledge stems from Wikipedia and no further. Anyone who flames me for getting certain symptoms or psychiatric methods wrong will be referred to this disclaimer. The same can be said about medical methods, CSI investigation, police line of questioning, and funeral proceedings. I have limited knowledge on those topics, so some of the things I write in this story will be incorrect. However, since this is a work of fiction, I'd appreciate if you, the readers, didn't point out these factual errors. Thank you for your time in reading this and enjoy the story.

**Dementia**

Chapter 1: The Accident

It was _not_ a dark and stormy night. In fact, it was rather pleasant outside if Kairi did say so herself. She had been sitting on the dock pier for hours, watching the sunset and the stars rise one by one. She liked to be reminded that the universe was safe, all thanks to Sora and Riku. Kairi looked at her lap as a feeling of nostalgia washed over her. Sora and Riku. She had thought for the longest while that she'd never see them again.

They had been out earlier with her, watching the stars until they got tired, so they had gone back to the two-story flat where the three lived. It had been three years since they had made it back to the Destiny Islands. At first, everything had been so dreamlike. It was unreal seeing the home that Sora thought was gone and Riku thought he'd never go back to. But they soon settled back in and life returned to normal. Well, about as normal as life can get for three Keyblade-wielding teenagers. They completed school and went on to college. Since none of them really knew what they were good at besides battling darkness, as a joke, they all took business and social studies because apparently, those were ideal courses for people with no ambition in life. Kairi laughed out loud at that memory. Riku had been the one who suggested it and Sora had no idea if it was true.

_"But my parents took business and they turned out fine!" Sora had said, scratching his head. Riku laughed at him._

Either way, the three ended up in all the same classes, studying something none of them had a passion for but they didn't mind, so long as they got to hang out together. Kairi smiled wistfully. If there was one thing that rang true, they were all very close friends after everything that happened while they were gone. They had all saved each other's lives at least once during their adventures. They had all fought along side each other at least once. They would all gladly give up their lives for each other, only once of course.

Kairi got to her feet and dusted the back of her skirt off. Her mind traveled over to her odd relationship with Sora. Ever since he had gotten back, he seemed shy. It was adorable in a weird sort of way, but Kairi really wanted to talk about where they were heading. Sora had admitted one afternoon in the secret spot that he really liked her, but Kairi said she already knew.

_"You think ordinary friendship would drive a man to sacrifice his heart to revive any ol' girl?" she had joked._

_"So then you already know I love you?" Sora had asked shyly. Kairi had winked and walked out of the secret spot with an air of mystery._

Kairi mentally kicked herself now. What she really wanted to do was run up and kiss him, but somehow she had lost her nerve and the moment passed too quickly for her likely. Ever since then, they had been skirting around the issue of love.

Kairi's thoughts traveled over to Riku as she walked along the dock in the general direction of home. Before they had left Destiny Island, he always seemed kind of distant. Sure, he and Sora got along fine, but it was like there was a barrier that Kairi couldn't get past. When he saved her life in The World that Never Was, it was like that barrier all but vanished. He wasn't this idol that every girl swooned over, he was more like a highly protective brother. Kairi smiled, stringing her hands together behind her back. Riku was the closet to family she had.

Lastly, Kairi's mind assessed the friendship between Sora and Riku. Something had definitely transpired while they were trapped in the realm of darkness. She had gotten a brief story from Sora that they had fought Xemnas side by side, like brothers, and Sora had carried Riku to safety (of course, the first thing Kairi had pictured was Sora holding Riku bridal style and she had burst out laughing, much to Sora's confusion). But the part that was unexplainable and difficult to recount was the words spoken between the two. Whatever was said, Kairi was happy to see they weren't being so competitive and there were no more secrets or thoughts of jealousy.

As Kairi approached the front door of their flat, she stopped and looked back towards to the beach. Across the bay was the little island they used play on a few years ago. That's where it had all began. Shaking her head, she turned back to the front door and unlocked it with her keys. Once inside, she noticed all the lights were out and everyone seemed to be asleep upstairs. Kairi tiptoed her way up the stairs and crept down the hall towards Riku's room. For some reason, she had fallen into the habit of checking on her two boys while they were sleeping every night. Subconsciously she wanted to make sure they were all right and still actually there. For the first few weeks after they had returned, she was so sure they'd disappear again.

Kairi quietly opened Riku's door with a slight creak. She didn't cringe because she had done this so many times before that she now knew Riku could sleep through a hurricane. She walked across the space separating herself from Riku and kneeled before his face. She smiled faintly as she examined his sleeping form. He seemed so much more peaceful and worry-free when he was asleep. In a motherly sort of way, she brushed a few of his long silver locks out of his face and stood up straight.

The next visit she made was to Sora's room. As soon as she opened the door, though, she instantly knew something was wrong. Sora was practically radiating stress and panic, even in his sleeping form. Kairi cautiously approached his bedside. He was tossing and turning, as if in the middle of a bad dream. Kairi furrowed her brow in confusion. Of all times she's visited, Sora had never had severe nightmares. She watched for a few more seconds, trying to decide what to do. When Sora made a quiet desperate noise, Kairi made up her mind to wake him from whatever troubles were plaguing him.

"Sora?" she whispered quietly at first. She grasped his shoulders lightly. "Sora, wake up, it's just a dream." Sora clenched his eyes tightly. He would not wake. "Sora." Kairi was firmer with her voice. She gave his shoulders a small shake. "Sora, wake up!" His thrashing steadily increased. "Sora!"

Suddenly, his eyes flew open. He screamed and threw his arm off to the side. In a flash of light, he summoned his Keyblade, the Oathkeeper, and struck forward, plunging the pointed edge into Kairi's chest. Kairi let out a shocked scream but went silent. Sora's eyes focused in on reality and he realized who the girl in front of him was. His eyes dropped to the Keyblade, which was in so far that there was only an inch space between the hilt and Kairi's skin. Sora's eyes flickered back up to her face.

"…Kairi?" he whispered in fear.

OOOoooOOO

A/N: I know, it was short, but it was just the intro. The next few chapters are MUCH longer. So just wait for it!


	2. Chapter 2: Mask of Tears

A/N: I will admit right here and now that I was inspired by the scene in the first X-men movie where Wolverine had a nightmare and accidentally stabbed Rogue. And just so we're clear, at some point it switches over to Sora's POV.

**Dementia**

Chapter 2: Mask of Tears

It _was_ a dark and stormy night. Rain was falling all around Sora. He looked about. This was The World that Never Was - a dark city with towering skyscrapers and neon lights. But this was not Sora's memory of it. When he had visited this dark city, it had not been raining. Sora looked at his hands. They were gloved in black leather. He was wearing an Organization jacket. It occurred to him that he was reliving Roxas' memory.

In the puddles formed by the rain, glowing yellow eyes emerged forth and took form. Sora was surrounded by thousands of Heartless. But he was not afraid. He was confident. Eager, even. He could take them on no problem. He summoned forth two Keyblades, the Oblivion and Oathkeeper. In a few fluid movements, he hacked and slashed the closest Heartless to him. They lunged at him, and he spun and turned, dissolving them with a single touch of his Keyblades. One bold one leapt into the air, so Sora followed suit and attacked. He landed gracefully on his feet and looked up at one of the skyscrapers. Standing on the rooftop was a blindfolded Organization member. Sora squinted carefully. It was Riku!

In an instant, Sora lost control over his moments. His legs carried him upwards. He was jumping across the surface of the skyscraper, running the walls upwards, slicing through any Heartless who stood in his way. His vision started flickering. He saw flashes and images that didn't make sense. It was happening all too fast. Riku was staring down at him and he dove off the edge into a freefall. Sora's arm moved with a will of its own as it threw the Oblivion towards Riku. Riku caught it and passed by Sora in his fall. The two made eye contact for a moment, as much eye contact as one could make with a blindfolded young man.

Riku landed and swiped at the remaining Heartless. All were gone in a matter of moments. Sora did a back flip off the glowing screen at the top of the skyscraper and began his descent. He felt like a passenger in his own body. His feet touched down on the ground. Without a word, Sora lunged at Riku with his Keyblade drawn forth. Riku deflected the first blow and returned with one of his own. Inside his mind, Sora was shouting for control. He didn't want to fight his best friend. He wanted to stop, but he couldn't. This wasn't his memory - this was Roxas'. He exchanged a few more strikes with Riku before knocking him to the ground and pointing the edge of the Oathkeeper at Riku's throat.

"Why?" shouted the silver-hair young man angrily. "Why do you have a Keyblade?" Sora looked at his Oathkeeper in consideration. And he visualized what would happen next. He felt his next action before he did it. He knew what Roxas was about to do. Sora raised the Keyblade above his head, preparing for the final strike. He couldn't stop himself; he was going to strike down his best friend in cold blood.

"Shut up!" Sora spat as he rapidly brought the Keyblade down. But everything seemed to slow down. He felt hands grasping his shoulders. He heard words whispered in his ears.

"Wake up." Fear seized him as the Keyblade drew closer and closer to Riku's face. "Sora!" He cried out loud. At the last moment, he regained control of his movements, so the first thing he did was change the course of the Oathkeeper upwards. A shriek pierced his ears. His surroundings melted away. It was a dream. He was in his room, but there was a girl standing in front of him. Sora's eyes focused in on the girl's face. It was Kairi. What was Kairi doing in his room? Why did she look so terrified?

Sora realized his arm was upright. He was grasping something. His eyes slowly traveled downwards to the Oathkeeper hilt in his hands. The rest of the blade was imbedded in Kairi's chest and out of her back. Sora felt the blood drain from his head when he realized what he had done. His eyes flickered back up to Kairi's face. She stared back with wide eyes.

"…Kairi?" he whispered, gripped with fear.

OOOoooOOO

Time freezes. Blood is trickling. I hear drops hit the floor.

She coughs. I'm drawn back to reality.

I let go of the hilt. She falls. I gasp. She's bleeding.

_Panic._

"Help! Riku, help me!" I'm on the floor. She's in my arms. She's coughing uncontrollably.

She touches my cheek. She's saying something. I can't hear.

_White noise._

"For god's sake, Riku! Where are you?"

The door bursts open. Riku runs in. He's on his knees.

His face is pale.

"Oh god, what did you do?"

I shake my head. Tears.

"I don't know…It was an accident…" I hold her closer. She's getting cold.

She's shaking.

"Tell me what happened."

"I woke up and there she was, I don't even know why she was in my room…"

I can't breathe.

"What happened?"

More tears. Deep breaths.

"The Oathkeeper…was lodged in her chest…" Reality hurts.

Riku speaks to her. "Kairi, can you hear me?"

She's still. She coughs.

"Blink if you understand me."

She blinks.

Riku looks at me.

"You need to dismiss the Keyblade."

I shake my head.

_Fear._

"No… she'll bleed to death."

"You haven't got a choice, she'll die if we don't heal her now! And you can't heal her with that thing sticking out of her!"

I clench my eyes shut.

"No…" I can't let her die.

I'm afraid.

He grabs me by the shoulders.

"Sora! Do it!"

Eyes open. Trembling. She's dying.

Concentrate. Flash of light and sparkles. The Oathkeeper is gone.

She's bleeding. Nothing to hold the flood back.

She gasps in pain. Her shaking is terrible.

I'm making things worse!

"She's going into shock." Riku shakes me. "Use Cure!"

I press my hands to her wound.

"Heal!"

Magic flows from my fingers.

She's healed only a moment but the wound rips open again.

The cure spell doesn't work on large wounds like this.

"It's not working!" My voice quivers. "Riku, what do I do?"

He's in just as much shock.

"G-get some towels! Hurry!"

I nod. Riku takes Kairi from me. She's gasping.

_There's so much blood!_

I'm running to the bathroom.

_I stabbed her._

I grab every towel in sight.

_I was dreaming one minute, and the next, she's bleeding all over me._

My hands are stained red with her blood.

I feel bile in my throat.

"Oh god… What have I done?"

I need to focus.

My mind is getting hazy. I want to block everything out.

I'm back in the hall, the doorway to my room.

"I didn't know how many towels to get, so I just brought them all…" I trail off.

Riku is in tears. His fingers are on Kairi's neck. He's not putting pressure on the wound. He's not even trying!

"Riku…?" His face is dark, obscured by hair. He looks at me.

"She's gone…" He looks me in the eye. "We lost her. I'm so sorry."

An eternity passes in that moment.

_I killed her._

I drop the towels.

_I killed Kairi._

I feel ill.

_Distress._

I walk from the room.

_Numb._

I make it to the bathroom in time to heave up last night's dinner.

Aware. Riku kneels beside me.

Comfort. He pulls me into a hug.

Tears. I cry into his shoulder.

He says we should call the police.

_But that would make it real._

Can't let it be real.

"Don't tell them what happened." I don't understand. "Sora, you can't tell them what happened."

"Why?"

_Confusion._

"They'll take you away." He hugs me tighter. "I just lost one friend, I can't lose you too." He's afraid.

"But it was an accident…" Quavering voice. "I didn't mean…didn't mean to…"

Can't breathe again.

"Just promise me, you won't tell them anything. We found her like that." Oh god. "Please promise me."

"I promise…"

_Numb._

_Numb._

_Numb._

OOOoooOOO

The police arrived shortly after Riku called them, along with a paramedic and a coroner. The coroner pronounced Kairi dead at the scene while the police questioned Riku and Sora on the matter.

"When did you find her?" asked the officer.

"About 12:30…" Riku replied.

"Can you recount what you saw when you opened the door?" Riku told a fabricated story of how he and Sora had been at the beach and when they got home at around midnight, they found Kairi dead in Sora's room. Riku had even gone as far as messing the room up prior to the police's arrival to suggest there had been a break-in and a struggle. While many of the questions asked by the two officers had been directed at both young men, Sora answered very few unless it was to confirm a part of Riku's story. For the most part, Sora was still in shock over everything that has happened.

The police did a brief search around the room for evidence and after turning up nothing, the paramedic and coroner placed Kairi's body in a body bag and onto a stretcher.

"We need to take her for analysis and a proper autopsy in this investigation," one officer explained, but Sora didn't hear a word. He watched silently as the coroner and paramedic wheeled the stretcher out of the room. As they passed by him, the true reality of what was happening struck him.

Kairi was dead. Nothing was going to bring her back.

"Sora?" Riku's voice sounded distant and echoic. Before Sora realized it, he was falling to the floor and his vision faded into darkness.

OOOoooOOO

Sora sprang awake. Was it all just a dream? The images were starting to fade away. He looked around his room. It was pristine, as if no one had touched it in years. He threw his feet over the edge of the bed. The carpet was soft and warm. Fluffier than he remembered. Sunlight was streaming through his window. What time was it?

_10:30am_

Sora looked at his hands. For the briefest moment, they were red, but it must've been a trick of the light.

Sora left his room and went to Kairi's next door. He knocked three times. When he got no answer, he opened the door slowly. She wasn't in bed. Sora smiled. What kind of person wakes up early on a Saturday with no plans? Apparently Kairi did.

"Kairi?" he called out loud. If she were in the kitchen, she'd hear. The flat was silent. "Kairi, you here?" Riku's door flew open. The older man walked out with a look of distress.

"Sora, what are you doing?" he asked, rubbing his eyes. Sora shrugged.

"Looking for Kairi…" Riku gave him a confused look.

"Don't even joke."

"I'm not." Now it was Sora's turn to be confused. Riku's face changed into worried concern with a touch of pity.

"You really don't remember…?" Riku rubbed his face. "Sora…she's…" He sniffed. "She's dead." Sora's eyes widened. So it was true? His nightmare was true? Sora backed up to a wall.

_I killed her?_

His knees gave out and he slowly slid downwards against the wall. Riku bit his lip in worry.

"I'm sorry…" Riku didn't know what else to say. Sora didn't respond. He wasn't aware of his surroundings anymore. He simply stared ahead at nothing in particular.

Sometime later, after Riku had managed to bring Sora down to the kitchen for food, Riku began talking about what had happened while Sora was out.

"The coroner said he's gonna contact Kairi's adoptive parents and they'll arrange for a funeral." Riku placed a plate of fried eggs in front of Sora. "Usually these things are three days after the death…" He sighed sadly. "First is the wake and then the burial. I imagine one of us will have to write a eulogy." Sora slowly blinked. Riku shook his head and turned back to the oven.

"I cleaned your room after you blacked out last night," he continued as he cooked some bacon. "The police said it'd be alright, since their initial investigation turned up no leads. I…" Riku paused as he remembered. "I washed the carpet up." He turned his face down and muttered the next part. "Blood is hard to get out…" Sora gave no sign he heard anything. He was still staring ahead while his plate of eggs got cold. "The police said they'd be back today to look around the outside. They're convinced they're looking for a burglar. So I think you're safe." Riku turned to Sora to gauge his reaction. Sora gave none. Riku turned back to the frying pan. "I also washed your hands and arms. I didn't want you to wake up and…" He didn't know how to put it. _Freak out?_ "And I got you into some new clothes." He thought for sure he'd get a reaction from Sora, like irritation that Riku would ever _dare_ changing Sora while he was asleep. But Sora just sat there, staring into the distance.

Riku turned the heat of the stove off and turned to Sora. "Are you hearing me?" Sora didn't respond. Riku was filled with panic. "Sora?" He took a seat next to him. "Sora, snap out of it!" He gave his best friend a gentle shake. Sora blinked slowly, but still didn't respond. Riku tried to calm himself. "Relax," he whispered to himself. "He's just in shock… This is normal… He'll snap out of it when he's good and ready." He eyed Sora's untouched food. "At least eat, Sora." He took Sora's hand and placed a fork against his palm. Sora blinked slowly and raised his arm. Riku's panic subsided as Sora gradually began eating, but his movements were mechanic, as if his conscious had shut down and his brain was fulfilling a basic need for survival.

_Whatever gets him through this._ Riku went back to the oven and placed a few pieces of bacon on Sora's plate.

For the next three days, Sora remained in his comatose state. He only ate if Riku gave him a fork and he didn't sleep. They got a call from Kairi's adoptive parents informing them when and where the funeral was to be held. Just as Riku had predicted, they also asked if one of them could write a eulogy. Riku took on the responsibility, knowing that Sora wouldn't be up for it. In Sora's mind, he kept reliving the accident. Nightmare, waking, Kairi, blood, death. His mind was unable to move past that moment. Towards the end of the third day, the evening before the funeral, his condition seemed to improve slightly, in the sense that he was reacting to loud noises and sudden movements with jitteriness. Riku had dropped a plate during dinner, which caused Sora to jump. Afterwards, he began speaking again, but only in short one-worded sentences and only when he was spoken to.

The morning of the funeral, Riku drove the two to where the funeral was to be held. It was to be a closed casket wake. The people in attendance included Kairi's adoptive family, all her friends from school (Yuffie, Tidus, Wakka), and the family of Riku and Sora. People were mulling around just before the ceremony was to commence and Kairi's parents approached Sora and Riku.

"I'm so sorry you boys were the ones to find her like that…" Kairi's mother wept, dabbing her eyes. "Did any of you two happen to know what Kairi's last words were?" Sora looked away. His mind's eyes flickered back to the event, the night. He saw Kairi. She was saying something. He couldn't hear it.

"Sorry, we didn't catch it," Riku answered, giving Kairi's mother a hug. Sora blinked slowly.

The ceremony commenced shortly afterwards. After the opening comments were made, Riku stood at the front where the coffin was placed. He cleared his throat and fidgeted with his notes.

"Kairi… was a dear friend to all of us," he began. "She was always smiling and looking on the bright side of things. When she first came here, we were quick to accept her into our lives and into our hearts. Because that's just the kind of person she was. She was pure-hearted and easily lovable." He paused to smile. "She was like my little sister. We used to tease each other about silly things, like our clothes and whom we were dating. And there were times where she was the only one I could speak to about certain things." Riku paused. "She never gave up on me. When I was lost and alone and I was planning on falling into obscurity, she pulled me to me feet, reminded me who my true friends are. I'd still be wandering in darkness if it weren't for her determination. She was a pillar of light for everyone. And we'll never let that light die out." There were a few murmurs of agreement. Kairi's parents were crying hard. Yuffie wept on Tidus' shoulder. Sora looked down. For some reason, he felt disconnected from the grief everyone else was feeling. "I'd like to ask for everyone to take one minute for a moment of silence." Everyone bowed their heads as Riku stepped down from the podium and took a seat next to Sora. It was completely quiet…

All quiet except for a few whispering right behind Sora. He gritted his teeth in annoyance. Some people could be so disrespectful. After 20 seconds, the whispers got louder and Sora shut his eyes tightly to try and block them out. 35 seconds into the silence, he turned around slightly to send a well-aimed glare at whoever was responsible, but there was no one sitting in the row behind him and everyone else's mouths were closed. Shaking it off, Sora turned back to the front. 46 seconds into the silence, the whispers were back, accompanied by something that made Sora's skin crawl.

_Knock._

_Knock._

_Knock._

Was that coming from the casket?

Sora looked around. No one else seemed to mind the odd knocking coming from within a coffin with a dead girl. They went on oblivious.

The knocking got louder. When a minute was up, there was a loud bang from the coffin that made Sora jump. His eyes scanned the crowds. They were rising for the viewing part of the ceremony. No one else seemed to have heard the noise. He turned to Riku.

"Did you hear that?" he hissed, nodded his head in the direction of the casket. Riku eyed him carefully.

"No. That's the whole point of a moment of silence," Riku replied bluntly. "You hear nothing." Sora gulped.

"I heard it. Knocking." Sora lowered his voice. "Someone's alive inside the coffin…" Riku's eyes widened in surprise.

"Sora, don't be ridiculous."

"I heard the knocking!" Sora covered his mouth, looking around. "She's still alive. She's alive, Riku, and they're going to bury her alive!" Riku looked around panicked. It wasn't that he believed Sora; it was more that he was worried someone would hear his ramblings.

"C'mon, Sora, let's go for a walk. I think you need some fresh air."

"Fresh air…" Sora let Riku lead him out of the room. As he walked through the double doors, he glanced over his shoulder at the casket…

…Just in time to see a pale arm reach out of the top and over the side. As a white, hollow face appeared above the rim, Sora let out a terrified noise and looked at Riku quickly. He was about to point out the dead corpse making an appearance, but when he glanced back, it was gone. Whose face had that been? Sora shivered in fear.

OOOoooOOO

A/N: Just so we're clear, I don't hate Kairi. I'm actually rather fond of her character, so rest assured, I take no pleasure in killing her character off, but it's very important to this story.


	3. Chapter 3: Comfortably Numb

A/N: The chapter title is the name of a Pink Floyd song.

**Dementia**

Chapter 3: Comfortably Numb

Riku exhaled deeply as he opened the front door to his shared flat. He had a very long and trying day. After bringing Sora outside of the funeral home to calm him down, they left early, letting Kairi's adoptive family do the final proceedings in the burial. Sora walked by Riku and went straight to his room. Three days of no sleep does a number on some people. The older man watched Sora disappear and he was filled with concern. What was Sora babbling about earlier? Riku could only assume that this was greatly affecting Sora more than he was showing on the outside.

Sora sighed as he hit the bed. He tried not to think of the funeral he had just attended. He tried not to focus on the fact that one of his best friends and the girl he loved was dead. He tried to forget that he was the one who killed her. He tried….

He was asleep before he could finish that thought.

_Panic._

He was dreaming. No. This was a nightmare.

Kairi screamed. Sora's eyes flew open. He was in his room. She was in his face, staring at him with those bewildered eyes, wide with horror. Sora backed away, falling out of bed. He was holding something. The Oathkeeper was sticking out of Kairi's chest and he was holding the hilt. He cried out and let it go. Kairi didn't fall. She stood and walked towards him. Sora watched in terror as she withdrew the Keyblade and tossed it aside. Blood drained in heaps from her chest and back wounds. Her face turned pale and her cheeks sunken in. For the briefest moment, her hair was blonde, like Nami-

Sora screamed when a dead white hand made a grab for his face.

He sat up rapidly, breathing heavily and sweating. Just a dream…

"MURDERER!"

Sora awoke a second time for real. He looked around, expecting a corpse to jump out at him any second. When no such attack came, he threw his covers off and went to the kitchen. He was going to need coffee. Lots of it.

OOOoooOOO

Several days passed since the funeral. Riku yawned as he pulled his housecoat on. As he groggily walked down the stairs, his senses went on alert when sniffed the air and smelled smoke. He took off down the stairs and into the kitchen. What he saw confused him. Sora was pacing back and forth, as if waiting for something or thinking of something. Meanwhile, smoke was flooding from the oven. Riku covered his nose to avoid inhaling any smoke.

"Sora, what are you doing?" Riku managed to say without coughing.

"Cooking," the younger man replied, not breaking his pacing.

"Notice anything out of the ordinary?" Sora glanced at Riku and then followed his pointing hand to the oven. He yelped and threw open the oven door, getting a huge amount of smoke in his face. Coughing and hacking, he reached in with his bare hands and grabbed the pan, then shouted in pain as he dropped the pan on the floor. He banged his head against the top of the oven and pulled his head out. His entire face was covered in soot and his hands were now burned. Riku would have found this entirely amusing if it weren't for the fact he knew something was wrong. He picked up the pan of hash browns from the floor with a cooking glove and set it on the counter as Sora attempted to heal his hands and wipe the soot off his face.

"How did you not notice the burning smell?" he asked simply as he passed Sora a towel. Sora shrugged.

"I guess my mind was elsewhere." Riku took a hold of his shoulders and looked him in the eyes. After a few seconds of scrutiny, he released him.

"You look like shit."

"Hey!"

"When's the last time you slept? Your eyes are bloodshot." Sora shift uncomfortably.

"I… haven't." Riku gave a start. "Not since the funeral."

"That was days ago." He grabbed the bridge of his nose. "You need to sleep, Sora. You can't keep this up." Sora shook his head.

"No… When I sleep…I remember." No further explanation was needed. But it didn't mean Riku was okay with this. _This is a phase. He'll get through this._ Sora turned back to his hash browns and grabbed the pan with his bare hands again. Riku winced and tossed the cooking glove at Sora.

"Don't keep this up. You'll burn this place down. The landlord would be furious." That was how Riku got through tough situations. With dry humor and sarcasm. He eyed Sora's now burnt hash browns. They resembled more like charcoal bricks than anything else. "Why don't we eat out this breakfast? I heard Golden Griddle has nice stuff." Sora poked his burnt food and nodded. "Don't forget to turn the oven off before we leave."

It wasn't until a few hours after they returned that Sora realized the oven was still on. He discreetly went into the kitchen to shut it off and noticed the outside and surrounding area was black from the heat. Groaning, he got out the heavy-duty oven cleaner and began scrubbing. Had the oven been on any longer, he might set the whole place on fire.

OOOoooOOO

Riku answered his front door and was greeted by two faces he was glad to see.

"Hey Riku!" said Tidus.

"Yo, man, what's going on?" Wakka added. Riku smiled and stepped aside to let them in.

"Hey Sora!" Riku called up the stairs. "Look who's here!" Sora momentarily appeared at the top of the stairs, but upon seeing the faces of his childhood friends, he fled to his room. Riku was at a loss. He was so sure that Sora would welcome to opportunity to see his old friends. He turned back to his two guests with an apologetic smile.

"It's okay, man," Wakka said. "He's going through a tough time. We all are." Riku nodded.

"Would you excuse me? I'll see what's up." He jogged up the stairs to Sora's closed door and knocked gently. "Sora? You in there?"

There was silence for a few moments and then Sora replied, "No…"

"Why you hiding?" Riku pressed his forehead against the door.

"Because…"

"That's no answer." He heard Sora hesitate.

"I… I don't want to say anything stupid…"

"C'mon, it's not like they'll judge you-"

"No, I mean I don't want to blurt out anything… incriminating." Riku froze. He knew what Sora was referring to. The distraught young man didn't want to tell the two guests he killed his best friend.

"Okay… but if you feel like it, come down later. They probably really want to see you." Riku got no response, so he turned and went back downstairs where his two guests were waiting. He held his hands up and was about to explain himself, but Tidus cut him off.

"It's fine. We understand. How you holding up?" Riku shrugged nonchalantly.

"I could be better. You guys want a beer?"

"Sober driver," Tidus replied, holding one hand up.

"I'll take one," Wakka accepted. Riku showed them to the lounge room while he got a couple beers from the fridge. They sat in a comfortable silence until Tidus cleared his throat.

"That, um…" He paused to collect his thoughts. "That was a nice eulogy you said last week." Riku nodded thanks. "Pretty much summed up what I think everyone thought of Kairi." Wakka murmured in agreement. "So… how's Sora dealing?"

"Not good…" Riku sighed. He wanted to share his thoughts and tell them everything, but he knew he couldn't. He couldn't risk endangering Sora's freedom. Even though Tidus and Wakka were good guys, the less people that knew about the truth, the better. "He's taking it pretty hard. It was so sudden…" Wakka punched his fist into his hand.

"They ever catch the animal that did it?" he asked. Riku shook his head. "Oh, when I find out who killed her, I'll break their skull in." Riku began sweating nervously. "Who could hurt such an innocent girl like Kairi?" Riku shrugged. He really didn't want to talk about this anymore.

"Come on, now, she wouldn't want us working ourselves into a vengeful fury," said Tidus. "Just let the cops take care of things." Riku silently thanked Tidus for his timely comment. He couldn't bear lying to his friends, but it was the only way to protect Sora. "So go on, Riku. Is there anything we could do to help Sora?" He shrugged.

"He's become kind of reclusive," he explained. "You saw how he ran off when you two showed up." The other two men nodded. "He hasn't been sleeping well either. Complains about nightmares. To be honest…" He took a minor interest in his hands for a moment. "I'm kind of worried this is beyond normal grieving."

"You think?" Wakka asked curiously. "I mean, think about it. Sora and Kairi were pretty close. They were nearly dating, ya?" Riku nodded. "So it's no wonder he's taking this pretty hard. Seems normal considering how close they were."

"Well what else has happened that makes you think something's up, Riku?" Tidus questioned.

"Other than his lack of sleep and nightmares?" Riku shifted uncomfortably, wondering if he should tell them what else had been going on. "His concentration is shot to hell, his reflexes are slow, and he's been doing dumb stuff."

"Everyone does dumb stuff once in a while-"

"No, I mean, it's like he lacks common sense. He grabbed a pan out of the oven with his bare hands." Both Tidus and Wakka sucked in air as if to say "Ouch!" and they cringed. "And he nearly burned the place down because he forgot he left the oven on. But the strangest thing is that you'd think he'd be really upset about the loss, or crying for hours. Kairi was his love. But I haven't seen him shed a tear since the night of the accident. It's like he's… numb." Tidus and Wakka went into contemplative modes, sitting back.

"I dunno, man, I still think it's a normal phase of grieving," Wakka offered.

"I'm not too sure about that," Tidus countered. "Something could be wrong. Maybe his brain is having a hard time accepting the loss. You should probably have it checked out. Better now than later."

Meanwhile, up in Sora's room, the trouble young man sat against his door with his knees against his chest. He refused to look at anything. Somehow, he figured if he stared at any one object too long, it'd stare back and learn the undeniable truth.

"I'm a monster…" he whispered.

_Shame._

Immense shame.

He felt like a coward, hiding from his friends in his room. He couldn't face them. He knew they'd read his eyes, they'd know the truth. He couldn't stand their accusing eyes.

_Guilt._

He knew he should turn himself in. Somehow, he figured it was better to let the police throw him in jail and let him rot instead of sitting on his cushy carpeted floor. At least he'd receive the punishment he deserved. Sora pushed his face into his cross arms. How could he lie to everyone? Kairi's memory deserved better than a cowering boy afraid to face up to the his mistake.

_Selfish._

Sora felt a feeling of selfishness wash over him. He reminded himself that the reason he wasn't in jail was because of Riku. He couldn't leave his best friend in his moment of need. He had to remind himself that he wasn't the only one who was feeling the after-effects of Kairi's death. Riku was his best friend and he couldn't just leave him.

_Suspicion._

And just what were Tidus and Wakka doing here? Were they hoping to get a confession? Sora would give no such thing. D_isgrace._ They were poking around. They were digging around for evidence. Kairi was their friend too. They wanted revenge. They knew. They knew the truth!

_Extreme paranoia._

Sora jumped to his feet. If they knew the truth, why weren't they coming to get him?

_Anger._

Sora gritted his teeth and slammed his fists down on his desk. Why didn't Tidus and Wakka come up and admit they knew the truth? Sora began throwing things off his desk in a blind rage. He tore posters down and threw his lamp against the wall. He opened drawers and tossed clothes carelessly around the room. It didn't matter anymore. They were going to take him away. Why not? He was a murderer! He killed the girl he loved!

_Murderer!_

Sora stopped what he was doing. He heard a voice. Several. Were they coming up?

_Murderer!_

There it was again. Whispers. Getting louder. Sora covered his ears. They were accusing and threatening, although he couldn't make out the specific words. He knew their implications. He spun around the room, looking for the source. Who knew? Who was talking?

The walls have eyes and ears… 

Sora cried out.

"Who's there? Show yourself!" He looked around, spinning in circles. He fell to his knees. "I'm not a murderer!"

The walls know the truth… 

"It was an accident! I didn't mean to…" He clutches the sides of his head. The spots he touched felt moist. He looked at his hands.

They were stained red with blood. Her blood.

Sora looked up. There, lying in a pool of her own blood, was Kairi, very much dead.

MURDERER! 

Sora yelled out in fright, threw open his door and ran out.

He stumbled down the stairs to the lounge where Riku, Tidus, and Wakka were still talking.

Ignoring their confused stares, Sora shouted, "I can't take it!" Riku was on his feet in an instant, hushing and comforting his friend. "There's so much blood! My hands are tainted with it! The carpet won't wash clean of it! She's dead! Riku, she's dead! Oh god, why won't my hands wash clean?" Riku indicated to Tidus and Wakka that it was best if they left, which to two didn't object to. Sora rambled on for a few more seconds before Riku got a word in edge wise.

"What are you talking about?" he asked softly.

"You know what I'm talking about!" Sora cried accusingly. "Kairi's blood is on my hands! I'm the reason she's dead! And the walls know! They know!" He shuddered, nearly collapsing until Riku got a grip on him. "I can't sleep in there anymore."

"You weren't sleeping to begin with…" Riku muttered. "Look, just calm down…"

"Can't stay calm! Don't let me sleep! They'll take me away!" Riku hugged Sora close. It was killing him inside that he couldn't do more to help his best friend. Tidus was right; this was definitely much more than normal grieving.

"Would it help if you took my room?" Sora didn't respond. His shoulders shook violently. "Alright, take my room. Please…" Sora muffled a few incoherent words and finished by saying thank you. Riku moved to release Sora but the younger man clutched on as if for dear life. Riku sniffed and let Sora hold him a little longer. _Whatever helps him get through this._ He kept telling himself this over and over again.

OOOoooOOO

A/N: A little shorter than the last one, but the rest aren't like this. This is just to push along the timeline more than the plot and to drop hints that all's not well in Sora-land.


	4. Chapter 4: School Daze

A/N: The chapter title is the name of a level in the video game Alice. And I apologize for torturing Sora so much. I adore him like a little brother. TT

**Dementia**

Chapter 4: School Daze

Riku raised his fist to knock on the door of his former room and he hesitated. It had been two days since he and Sora had switched rooms and so far, there hadn't been any more incidents. In fact, Sora seemed to be getting better. And that's what concerned Riku the most. He couldn't understand why Sora was fluctuating from perfectly fine to borderline breakdown. During these lucid periods of Sora's, he seemed absolutely fine, acting almost as if he hadn't just lost the one girl he cared the most for. Other times, he was completely numb to the world, muttering odd phrases and avoiding eye contact. This left Riku feeling apprehensive. Just what was going on in Sora's head?

It was the lucid periods that made Riku decide to put forward a proposition to Sora. He gathered his courage and knocked on the door. After being invited in, Riku opened the door cautiously. Sora was lying in bed, staring at the ceiling. Riku cleared his throat and Sora glanced at him.

"How you feeling today?" he asked kindly. Sora said nothing. Riku shifted from foot to foot. "How's the room working out for you?" Sora sighed. He was counting backwards under his breath. "I, uh… I thought maybe… you'd like to… get back on the horse, as they say." Sora gave Riku a funny look. "Uh, what I mean is… maybe we should… go back to school. It's been almost two weeks." Sora sat up.

"Do I look like a killer to you?" he whispered. Riku was startled.

"No, of course not!" Sora suddenly smiled wide, the way he used to before this whole mess.

"Then let's go! Tomorrow!" He leapt off the bed and rushed downstairs to collect his stuff, leaving Riku standing in one spot with a completely stunned look about him.

"What… just happened?" These mood swings were getting too wild and unpredictable. "Just a phrase…" This had become Riku's mantra as of late. "Wakka's right… just a phase…"

OOOoooOOO

Come Monday morning, Sora was more than excited about returning to school. He was giddy like a teen girl on the first day of high school. Riku shook his head at the younger man's antics. What kind of grieving was that? The weird thing was that midway to school during the ride Sora suddenly went very quiet and the color seemed to drain from his face. It was like he had been told he was being taken to an execution chamber. But he gave no other sign of discomfort and when they arrived, he made no attempt to run away, so Riku was thankful. He didn't want another incident like the one with Tidus and Wakka.

Riku and Sora were walking the monotonous hallways of their college campus, making their way to their first class. They took their regular seats in the lecture hall and got out some paper and a pencil. Sora immediately got to work before the professor even arrived. Riku shrugged it off, assuming that he was just catching up on work they had missed. He did, however, keep a keen eye on the younger boy. Sora's attitude and general aura suggested he was over Kairi's death. It even appeared as though it never happened in Sora's mind. Yes, Riku was definitely concerned…

Sora's activities carried on into their next class. His movements were robotic and he walked from place to place with an unconscious look to him. Before the professor's arrival, Sora would be working fervently on some notes or an assignment. Riku never thought to look over and see what it was he was doing until they reached their third class and Sora hadn't said a word since they arrived in the building.

"What are you working on?" Riku asked casually. Sora shrugged, then blinked as if he were coming out of a trance. Riku eyed him and then peeked at the paper under his hand. What he expected to see was words. What he actually saw was another thing entirely.

Strange doodles of odd faces, macabre and horror style, dead bodies and pools of black ink blood. Even stranger were the rune symbols and characters that weren't any recognizable language, and anything written in English were nonsensical words juxtaposed together in a string of unintelligible sentences. It made Riku's spine shiver. Was Sora even capable of drawing such grotesque and questionable artwork?

"What… is that?" he asked slowly. Sora blinked a few more times, as if seeing the paper properly for the first time.

"I don't know…" he replied. "Did I do that?" Riku stared wide-eyed at Sora. Was this kid for real? Riku carefully pulled the paper away from Sora and folded it up.

"No…" he replied, hoping to quell any inner turmoil that Sora might be experiencing. "You didn't." Sora's eyebrows showed his confusion. After a few minutes, the professor arrived and began his lecture on society through the ages.

About midway through the class, Sora felt a tap on his shoulder from the row behind him.

"Hey, got a pencil?" asked a male voice. Sora nodded and dug around his backpack to retrieve a spare pencil. When he turned to pass it, he was face to face with a very dead and very rotting face. Sora yelled in surprised and ducked under his desk, earning many strange and confused stares. Someone nudged Sora but he would not budge, his heart still racing from the corpse sitting behind him. The nudging got more persistent. Why wasn't the dead thing taking a hint? Sora was terrified!

"Sora!" yelled a familiar voice. Sora peeked between his fingers at the source of the voice. Riku was the only person standing above him. No dead face, no rotting maggoty flesh. Riku offered him his hand.

"Where'd it go?" the brunette asked in a shaky voice. Riku gave a quizzical look.

"Where'd what go?" he questioned. Sora looked around nervously.

"The body. That… thing! You couldn't have missed it! It was rotting and gross and… It was right here!" He pointed at the empty seat directly behind his own. Many of the students were still staring at him. "It was here! Where'd it go? How could you have not seen it?" He was getting belligerent. The looks he was getting from everyone suggested they didn't believe him. Riku tried to hush him and offered him to sit down.

"Sora, there wasn't anything behind you," he tried to explain as calmly as possible. "You were working, you pulled a pencil from your bag, and then you screamed and ducked under your desk." Sora's mouth dropped open. How could Riku say that?

"No! I'm not crazy! I saw it! You're all just lying! You saw it too! Why are you lying?" He was getting paranoid again. They were all lying. That had to be it. But what could they gain from it? His humiliation, perhaps? Sora glared at Riku. That had to be it. Just another way to best him. Sora grabbed his backpack and without another word, he left the lecture hall with plenty of stares trailing after him. As soon as he was gone, the students began whispering. Riku shook his head, grabbed his bag, and ran after the distraught brunette.

"Sora, wait!" he called as he charged through the halls. Sora ignored him. "Sora, just hold on a minute!" What could Riku say? He certainly didn't believe that there had been a random body in the classroom, but he didn't want to hurt his best friends' feelings. And if Sora was starting to see things, there was definitely something wrong. Not just a phase.

They had just about reached the main exit when Sora stopped and turned on the spot. His face was blank and his eyes were tired.

"If you're my friend, you'll just take me home…" he muttered as he slid to the ground. Riku rushed to his side and helped him up. He thought to bring him to the nurse's wing, but he figured all Sora needed was some sleep. The poor kid hadn't slept in nearly a week. Maybe that was just it. Insomnia sometimes caused brief hallucinations. Yeah…

Riku hoisted one of Sora's arms around his shoulder as he grabbed him around the waist and carried him out the exit and towards the parking lot.

"This seems familiar…" he mused aloud. "I remember a time when you had to carry me like this…" He heard Sora chuckle. "I'm returning the favor…"

"Does this mean…" Sora mumbled. "…there will be a door to light? I need some light right about now…" Riku didn't know whether that was a joke or not, so he remained silent. Once they reached the car and drove off, Sora went back into his reclusive state.

OOOoooOOO

The evening after school, the two said nothing about the incident. Sora went straight to his room to hide while Riku prepared dinner. The two didn't say much of anything at all during dinner and Sora was back in his room after it was done. Riku could only speculate what was going through the younger man's head. It was difficult to tell if he was getting better or getting worse. Riku knew that whatever pain he felt about Kairi's death, it was three times worse for Sora.

The next day, Riku was surprised to see Sora up and ready for more college classes.

"How else am I supposed to get a good education?" he asked cheerfully. Riku was nervous but he didn't object. As they drove to the campus, Sora rambled on about unimportant topics, like the weather and the ocean. The way he was continuously talking in one long unbroken sentence, it was almost like he was trying to overpower someone else's voice or prevent anyone from interrupting. So Riku let him ramble.

When they arrived, their first class was a quiet study period for the students. The professor asked at the very beginning of the class that there be no chitchat of any kind. When she sat and the legs of her chair finished creaking, the classroom was completely silent. Not a single sound could be heard besides the ticking of the clock, the soft scribbling of pencils and pens, and the occasional page turning. Sora sighed contently. This was what he needed. Just a little peace and quiet.

And then he heard them. Vague whispers. Sora glanced at the professor. She didn't seem to notice. _Typical._ Teachers never notice when the bad apples act up. Sora grumbled under his breath and went back to reading his textbook. The whispers continued and grew a little louder. Sora placed his book down a little too hard and looked around. Where were those voices coming from? _Just ignore them._ Yeah right…

Finally, after fuming silently for 5 minutes, Sora nudged Riku. He needed someone to vent to, even if it accomplished nothing.

"You hear that?" he whispered, glancing around. "Can you believe the nerve of some people?"

"What people?" Riku replied in a sleepy voice. He looked around as well. "I don't…I don't hear anything."

"_Shh!_" was the shrill response of the professor. Riku and Sora ducked their heads down in apology.

"The whispers…" Sora reiterated. "Someone's talking."

"Yeah, you. You're gonna get us in trouble."

"_Shh!_" Riku and Sora ducked their heads down in apology.

"It's not me, Riku. Can't you hear them?"

"Right now you're the only one whispering. And getting caught, I might add."

"_Shh!_" Riku and Sora ducked their heads down in apology.

Sora muttered unhappily and went back to his work. The whispers were getting loud and annoying, and Riku must've been deaf not to hear them. He was probably just pretending, like the incident with the decaying corpse yesterday. But these voices had to be real. They were loud! And close! And real!

"Dammit, would you just **_shut up_**!" Sora yelled, leaping to his feet. The whole class stared at him. The professor seemed outraged. Riku cowered his head. Sora was breathing heavily in anger.

The whispers were gone. The stares were wide. Sora grabbed his bag, muttering that he was going to find a quieter place to study and let the door slam as he rushed out.

Riku did not see Sora until their next class together, University English. It seemed that Sora had calmed down somewhat enough to endure more human contact. He didn't say a word during the first half of the class, he just sat, listened, and took notes whenever he felt a need to. He felt his eyelids droop somewhat.

Man, I'm tired… 

Sora shook himself awake. He couldn't go falling asleep in the middle of class. What if he had another nightmare? What if he spoke in his sleep and everyone found out the ugly truth?

"Here we have the adverb, 'brutally murdering', assisting in the description of the verb, enhancing this sentence…" the professor lectured. Sora zoned out briefly. "Now who can identify the compound verb in this sentence?" Sora began unconsciously writing. "Good, the compound verb in 'He will go to jail for brutally murdering Kairi' is 'will go'." Sora's eyes blurred. Did the professor just say Kairi's name? Who was he talking about? Did he know? "Now here's an a example of a basic 'proper noun and verb' sentence." The professor turned and began writing on the chalkboard. "Sora… killed… Kairi…" Sora's eyes shot up.

What? 

Sure enough, the words 'Sora killed Kairi' were written on the board and the professor went on. Sora scanned the class. No one seemed the least bit alarmed or affected. Sora looked at Riku. The silver-haired man was twirling a pencil with his fingers. Sora's eyes shot back to the front.

"The identifying verb here is 'killed'," the professor continued. His hair flickered from gray to light blonde briefly. Sora bit his bottom lip until he tasted blood. "Now which proper noun is the victim…" The words on the board began the bleed. The professor slowly turned around, his piercing blue eyes looking right at Sora. "…and which one is the accused?" Those icy blue eyes, the cool pale blonde hair, flipped as if by the wind to the right side of his head. That face… _his face._

His other… 

"Roxas!" Sora shouted, getting to his feet. Everyone looked at Sora. The professor smiled politely; his features were that of a middle-aged man with graying hair. He didn't seem at all disturbed by Sora's outburst.

"Sora, the answer is 'preposition'. But good effort, regardless." He turned back to the board. The words were gone. Instead, the word 'of' was written in their place.

"Wha…?" What happened to the words? What happened to Roxas?

"Sora, sit down," said a feminine voice. Sora glanced at Kairi and sat down. Then he leapt from his chair, realizing who was sitting next to him, and screamed hysterically, multiple times.

All eyes were on Sora. He blinked. Kairi was gone. This was too much. He slowly deposited his things into his bag and raised his hand.

"Yes, Sora?" said the professor.

"May I be excused?" Sora mumbled in a monotonous way.

"Of course." Sora rose from his seat and stumbled down the steps of the lecture hall, escaping into the hallway and away from everyone's stares. He wandered down a few halls and one might think he'd simply leave the premises, but instead, he found himself in line at the Student Services wing. When he reached the desk, he smiled at the woman.

"Hi, my student ID is 477993. I'd like to request some time off." The woman nodded and she typed a few things into her computer.

"Length?"

"Two weeks."

"Reason?"

"Personal stress." Sora's smile faltered.

"Alright, you're all set up."

"Thank you."

OOOoooOOO

Later in the afternoon, Riku came home to see Sora sitting patiently in front of their flat on the porch. Riku gave him a look that said 'Why?' and Sora shrugged.

"I forgot my key inside," he answered the unasked question. Riku nodded and unlocked the front door, letting them both in.

"So why'd you run out?" Riku asked casually. Sora shrugged. "What was that whole Roxas thing about?" Sora shrugged. "Sora, talk to me. What's going on?" Sora sat at the kitchen table.

"Why should I? You wouldn't believe me anyway." Riku was hurt by that comment, but didn't let it show on the outside.

"Sora, I need to understand what's wrong in order to help you." Sora pouted. He was just so tired and so numb at the same time. He wanted nothing more than to lay down and not awake for a very long time, and he didn't want to experience anything during that time.

"I'm taking two weeks off classes."

"Why?"

"Because… everyone keeps looking at me. It's like they all know."

"The only reason they keep looking at you is because you keep having episodes." Riku kneeled next to Sora. "What did you see today? Was it Roxas?" Sora bit his lip.

"Yes…" Suddenly he started laughing. "Of course! If anyone knew I killed Kairi, it would be him!" Riku grabbed Sora by the shoulders.

"Don't say that. It was an accident. You didn't mean to kill her." Sora shrugged away.

"Doesn't change that it happened." Then he focused in on Riku's eyes. "You saw him, right?" The older man sighed and shook his head no. He couldn't lie. "He was right at the front. Don't tell me you didn't see him. He wrote on the board 'Sora killed Kairi'. Didn't you see that?"

"No, I'm sorry to say I didn't."

"What about Kairi? Tell me you saw her! She was right there!"

"Sora, none of that happened. I think you're just tired…"

"No, you're the one who's tired! I know what I saw!"

"Just think for one moment!" Riku snapped, quickly losing his patience. "This is crazy. Roxas couldn't have been at the front of the room because he's part of _you_! And Kairi couldn't have been there because she's _dead_! Don't you get it?" Sora shook his head stubbornly and stood.

"You're the crazy one!" Sora pushed Riku out of the way and rushed up to his room. Riku gaped at his retreating form. He couldn't deny the truth anymore. He couldn't just brush this off as a phase.

Without a doubt, Sora was losing it.

And there wasn't a thing Riku could do about it, short of sending him away to an institute and committing him. But would that be any better than letting him get arrested? Riku clenched his fist in determination. No, he was going to protect Sora, even if the boy didn't want it. Riku was not about to lose Sora to the police or his own inner demons.

But how could Riku fight something that wasn't there?

OOOoooOOO

A/N: I really don't mean to make Riku come off as a heartless guy. He's just trying to protect his friend. He in no way means to sully Kairi's memory. And sorry about making Sora so awkward, but people with mental problems often undergo serious personality changes. Don't worry, though. I won't use that as a crutch and completely revamp Sora's personality.


	5. Chapter 5: Mad Man Moon

A/N: The chapter title is a Genesis song.

**Dementia**

Chapter 5: Mad Man Moon

_If this desert's all there'll ever be  
Then tell me what becomes of me.  
A fall of rain?  
That must have been another of your dreams,  
A dream of mad man moon._

Genesis

Busy, busy, busy. That's what Riku was. For the past three days, he used any free time he had at the campus to do research. He had to figure out what was wrong with Sora. The younger boy had locked himself away in his room ever since he got home. So Riku went to the campus library everyday and looked through books. He wasn't quite sure what he was looking for, but he knew it had something to do with psychological behavior. He had to put a name to this problem so he could work towards solving it. At first, he thought maybe it was a magical thing. Perhaps this was a violent side effect of a Keyblade ending the life of a Princess of Heart. But then Riku dismissed that theory. He sensed no magic in the air, so it wasn't anything like that. He determined it was all in Sora's head.

Eighteen days had passed since the night of the accident. Riku came into the flat after a short day of classes and put his stuff in the front hall. He was mildly surprised to see Sora out of his room, sitting in the kitchen eating some fruit. Perhaps he was getting better? Then an idea popped into Riku's head. Maybe all Sora needed was to let off some steam. Sparring was a good way to reduce stress and relax.

"Hey Sora," Riku greeted as he sat down at the table. "How you feeling today?" Sora shrugged. He did that a lot recently. "Listen, I was thinking… did you want to try sparring? We haven't had a good sword-fight in months. What do you say?" Sora seemed to examine the pit of the apple he was eating as he considered Riku's proposal.

"Sure, I guess…" Then his eyes lit up as if he suddenly realized what he was being asked. "Yeah, let's go!" Riku grinned. His plan was already working!

A short while later, the two were back on the small island where they used to play where the bent paopu tree trunk was. Riku was excited. He had a good feeling about this. Sora was acting like his old self again.

"Alright, don't hold back!" he called as he summoned his Keyblade, The Way to Dawn. Sora grinned and got into a defensive position. He held his hand out and summoned the Oathkeeper…

…And he yelled in surprise, throwing it aside. Riku's cheerful smile disappeared when Sora began freaking out. The brunette was frantically trying to get away from his Keyblade. Riku rushed over to his side.

"What? What is it?" he asked quickly. Sora pointed hysterically at the Oathkeeper.

"Blood! It's covered with blood!" Riku glanced at the pristine Oathkeeper and back at Sora's pale scared face.

"No, it's fine! Sora, there's no blood, I promise you!"

"No! It's Kairi's blood! Get it away!" Sora clenched his eyes shut and waved his hand in the direction of the offending Keyblade, making it disappear in a flash of light.

This was the last straw. Riku couldn't handle this alone anymore. He needed to get Sora professional help.

After spending a few minutes calming Sora down, the two headed home. Riku sighed sadly as he rowed the boat that would take them to the mainland. He uncomfortably cleared his throat, drawing Sora's attention.

"I think…" he started, then paused. He tried to gather his thoughts. "I think you should see someone…" Sora's eyebrows crinkled in confusion.

"What do you mean?" he asked. "Who?"

"Someone who can help you. Someone like… like a psychiatrist." Sora frowned deeply.

"Why? I'm not crazy."

"I'm not saying you are!" Riku quickly explained. "Look, Sora, you have to admit, some of the things you're seeing don't make sense, do they?" Sora said nothing in response. "Let's just go and talk to them. At least once, please. I just think… a psychiatrist might be able to make your nightmares and visions go away. You'd want that, wouldn't you?" The younger man seemed to seriously mull over the last statement.

"Fine…" he whispered. Riku breathed heavily in relief.

OOOoooOOO

"Sora?" called the receptionist. The young Keyblade Master nodded his head, rising from his seat. "The doctor will see you now." Sora looked to Riku and the older man nodded in encouragement. They had been sitting in the waiting room for the last ten minutes for Sora's appointment. Riku had been the one who arranged all the details with the psychiatrist.

Sora nervously went through the large oak doors leading into the doctor's office. Inside, he saw an elderly man with long gray hair tied back into a ponytail and a gray mustache, sitting behind a mahogany desk. His walls were lined with bookshelves stuffed full of books and files. There was a black leather couch on one side of the room and chairs in front of the desk for guests to presumably sit in. Sora took a seat in one of the said chairs. The old doctor smiled warmly, clasping his hands together on the desktop.

"Welcome, Sora," he greeted. "I assume this is your first visit to a psychiatrist office?" Sora stared intently, but did not reply. "Well my name is Dr. Galuf Doe. You can call me just Galuf. For the next few weeks and longer if you wish, we'll be having sessions likes these just to… talk." Galuf put a slight emphasis on the last word. Sora said nothing. "So… why don't we start with a bit about you?" He put on a pair of glasses and pulled out a file. "According to your friend out there, you haven't been sleeping well, is that right?" Sora remained silent. "And it also says here you've been experiencing brief hallucinations and seclusion." Sora made no attempt to answer. Galuf smiled again. "Don't feel like talking?" Sora looked down and shook his head ever so slightly. "Well that's alright. It's okay to be nervous in your first session. You don't know me, so I don't blame you." Galuf removed his glasses and clasped his hands together pleasantly. "Why don't we talk about something to get some common ground? Your favorite foods? Music?"

Sora had a reason for his silence. He was afraid of a slip-up. He had made a promise to Riku that he wouldn't tell anyone about what really happened the night of Kairi's death. And he was nervous that the psychiatrist, Galuf or whoever, would find a way to force it out of him. He even thought Galuf already knew and he was just waiting for Sora to say it. The first thing he had imagined was a psychic putting him into a trance and having him recite the events. Or perhaps Sora's own guilty conscious would blurt out the truth without even being asked. So rather than let it happen, he simply remained quiet.

Galuf continued his one-sided conversation for the entire time they were in the session. He talked about random things, like the weather, movies coming up, anything he thought would get Sora to talk. He was a patient man and he didn't mind Sora's silence. As he spoke, Sora's comfort level slowly increased. This Galuf man seemed kind enough.

The time was soon up, so Sora left the office and met up with Riku in the reception room. As they walked back to the car in the parking lot, Sora told Riku about the session. He agreed it'd be worth his while to go to another one. At first, he had been convinced that Galuf already knew the truth and he was trying to get a confession out of him, but Sora soon comprehended that Galuf was just trying to help him.

When they got home later in the evening, Sora went to the washroom to wash up his face. He turned the faucet on and rinsed his hands briefly before splashing some water on his face. He glanced up in the mirror and for the smallest instance, instead of seeing his own reflection, he saw Roxas staring back at him. Sora jumped back and bumped into the wall, but Roxas was gone and his own reflection was back. Sora breathed in quickly. _What was that?_

Still feeling slightly shaken up, Sora left the bathroom without another look at the mirror and went into his room to read. He thumbed through some of his favorite books on his shelf and pulled out one he had read about halfway through but never completed. He sat on the bed and opened up to where the bookmark was and started reading. At first, it was relaxing and quiet, but he soon became distracted by a slight trickling noise. His eyes slowly looked up from the book to search the source of the noise, and what he saw made his heart stop.

The walls were _bleeding._ Thick red liquid was oozing from the corners of the walls and ceiling. Sora blinked several times as he got his bearings. As calmly as he could, he placed his bookmark in his book, closed it, and left the room. Riku was right. He was losing it. Sora was at least aware enough to know that there was something incredibly odd about drywall leaking blood.

He took a seat in the living room and made another attempt to read his book. He needed something, anything, to take his mind off everything, if that made any sense. Opening the book, he read the first two lines and slammed it shut in terror. He tried again, read the same text, and he slammed the book shut once more. He was reading, "You're a murderer, Sora" over and over, a million times on all the pages, repeated. He opened the book slowly once more. There were those words.

"You're a murderer, Sora. You're a murderer, Sora. You're a murderer, Sora. You're a murderer, Sora," the book read. Sora didn't know how much more of this he could take. He closed the book and placed it down on the coffee table in front of him. Suddenly, a pale white hand grabbed his wrist with a vice grip. Sora held his breath and followed the arm up to the person's face. He saw fair blonde hair and sad blue eyes. It was Naminé! But she looked pale, almost dead.

"Yako si gnihtyreve, yako sti," she said. Sora shook his head. He didn't understand. Her voice sounded distorted, as if it were being played out multiple times very closely together. And then, she vanished into thin air.

Sora jolted awake on the couch. He looked around. It was morning. The only sign that anything from last night was real was the book he had brought down. Lying next to the book, however, was a brown cover sketchbook that hadn't been there before. Sora eyed it momentarily before gingerly picking it up and flipping through its contents. The rings holding it together had tiny pieces of shredded paper stuck in it, as if someone had torn out a good deal of pages. The first drawing he saw was of a spiraling staircase. It looked vaguely familiar, but other than the wisps of memory, he didn't recognize it. The next page was a picture of Riku wearing an Organization jacket and a blindfold, just like in Sora's dream. The brunette was confused. Whose sketchbook was this? How did it get there?

He flipped through a few more pages. The drawings were crudely done, but the content was recognizable all the same. It was mostly scenery of places Sora had traveled to, like Hollow Bastion when it was under the control of Maleficent, the Destiny Islands, the Pride Lands, even Port Royal. Other drawings included people Sora knew, like Axel, Kairi, and Ansem the Wise. But he couldn't figure out who drew them or where the sketchbook came from.

Deciding to try and shed some light on this, Sora climbed the stairs to wake Riku. As he passed by the front hall mirror, though, he caught out of the corner of his eye a figure standing behind him in the reflection. He took a full look and saw Kairi, standing as plainly as he was, but bleeding heavily from a wound in the center of her chest. Sora spun around to see if she was really standing behind him, but he saw nothing. He looked back to the mirror and was stunned to see Roxas replacing his own reflection. Unlike the night before, however, Roxas didn't just stare back; he reached _out_ of the mirror, grabbed Sora by the collar of his shirt, and punched him across the face with a strength that knocked Sora onto the ground. The brunette gasped in pain and fear, holding his cheek, but upon looking in the mirror, he saw only himself and not a bruise on his face.

Sora scrambled to his feet, forgetting about the sketchbook, and instead of going up the stairs, he ran out the front door. There was something about the house. It had to be the flat! That's where most of the weird stuff had been happening. How could Sora explain to someone that a reflection that wasn't his own just knocked him out? But it didn't occur to Sora that the reason most of the weird things had been happening around the flat because he refused to actually go anywhere else.

He needed to take a walk around the block to clear his mind. That's all he needed. He was determined to shake off these hallucinations. He knew they couldn't possibly be real. But the foreground of his mind was telling him it was all real. His eyes, ears, and pained face couldn't possibly be lying.

He walked with a quick pace, hoping in the back of his head that he might be able to outrun the mirages. He began hearing voices. No… Just one voice. A very familiar voice. _Roxas' voice. _And it was coming in loud and clear.

_You're a murderer._

"No I'm not," Sora replied, his heart wrenching at the accusation.

_You murdered Kairi, did you?_

"It was an accident…" Sora muttered aloud.

_You killed Kairi, you clumsy idiot! I can't believe I was glad to have an Other like you! Well now I loath you!_

"Leave me alone…" Passerbys were giving Sora strange looks.

_No, this is your punishment, since you're too much of a coward to own up to your crime._

"Riku told me not to tell them. I couldn't let them take me away."

_Coward. _

"I'm not a coward!"

_Then turn yourself in._

"No! I made a promise."

_You selfish little coward. Kairi wasn't the only one you killed that night._

"What? What do you mean?" Sora stopped walking. The voice was gone. He shook with fear and regret. He killed _two_ people? But how?

OOOoooOOO

"Welcome back, Sora!" greeted Dr. Galuf Doe. He gestured to Sora to sit and make himself comfortable, which Sora did. "So, how are we feeling today?" Sora hesitated and opened his mouth to speak, then paused. Galuf leaned forward. He was patient but intrigued as well.

"Good…" Sora replied at last. Galuf smiled warmly. This was progress.

"That's good to hear, but…" He placed a finger to his temple. "I sense you're not being truthful. Why don't I be more specific? How did you feel this morning when you woke up?"

"I…" Sora thought about. "I didn't wake up this morning. I haven't slept for a couple days. Five days, actually." Galuf made an interested noise.

"I see. Let's talk about the sleeping problem. Why aren't you sleeping? Not tired?"

"No…" Sora wondered how much he should tell the doctor. He had to choose his words carefully. "I've been having nightmares."

"What about?"

"About the night I k… uh, found Kairi." Galuf nodded and wrote something down on a clipboard.

"Do you remember the specifics?"

"Not exactly. It's mostly just a replay of the night, except there's more blood and gore." Sora fidgeted with his chain necklace.

"When you awoke from the first nightmare, how did you feel?"

"Scared. Kinda sick." Galuf wrote more things on his clipboard.

"So these dreams prevent you from sleeping?"

"That's right."

"Hmm… Well I'll have to keep a record of your sleeping habits, but if this persists, I may have to recommend some sleeping pills." Sora wasn't quite listening. "So tell me about Kairi." He shrugged.

"What do you wanna know?" he asked. Galuf chuckled lightly.

"This isn't for my benefit, this is for yours. Tell me what kind of person she was. How close were you two? Did she have any nicknames? Describe her in 4 words." Sora leaned back and thought about this. For some reason, he never really thought about who Kairi was before. She was just… Kairi. But now he realized there were so many things about her that made her unique.

"Warm. Happy. Energetic. Beautiful." Sora held up four fingers, as if showing off an accomplishment. "She… was my light. My princess. I was supposed to protect her. And I failed." Galuf frowned.

"Now let's not get negative, Sora. Remember the happy times. It's not your fault that she's not with us right now." Oh, if only he knew. "What else can you tell me about her? What was her favorite pastime? Where did she like to hang out?"

"She loved playing at the beach whenever we had the chance. She loved to see how many different faces she could make behind the professor's back before he'd turn around…" Sora smiled at that. Her personal record had been seven different faces. "We used to hang out in this cave down by one of the bay islands. We called it our secret spot and a bunch of us used to doodle drawings on the rock wall." Sora stopped suddenly when he remembered the special drawing. It was the one with Sora and Kairi exchanging stars, sort of like paopu fruits. He chewed his bottom lip, a nasty habit he had picked up recently whenever he was nervous, which was a lot lately. Galuf noticed Sora's sudden change in demeanor.

"Is there something that happened with you two?" Then he chuckled quietly. "Actually, if it was a private moment you don't want to share, forget I asked anything." Sora glanced at Galuf through his long bangs and cracked a smile.

"It's where I told her I loved her." Galuf nodded sadly. "You know that legend about the paopu fruit?" Who on the Destiny Islands hadn't heard of that legend? "We drew pictures of each other giving a paopu fruit to each other." The doctor sat back.

"I'm beginning to understand while this loss has been so hard on you in particular." He wrote down something on the clipboard. "So tell me about the daytime dreams you've been having."

"You mean the delusions?" Sora asked grumpily. "Mostly, it's visions of blood and bodies. Sometimes I see Kairi, bleeding. Sometimes, I hear voices and I'm beginning to wonder how real they are. It's like my logical side says it's not possible, but my brain sees and hears it, so it has no choice but to accept it as real."

"When was the last time you had a vision?"

"Couple days ago. I was washing my face and…" Sora trailed off, realizing the next part wouldn't make sense to Galuf. How could he explain that there were two people inside him without sounding crazier than he actually was? "I saw Kairi standing behind me." It was half true, just mixed up with a different occurrence.

"And these voices? Are they recognizable?"

"Not all the time."

"Can you understand what they're saying?"

"Usually it's just whispers, but sometimes they're calling me a failure or a coward." More writing onto the clipboard.

"Tell me, have you found your concentration is lacking these days? You feel increased fear or anger?" Sora nodded. "Hmm…"

"Hmm…?" Sora repeated.

"I think I have a theory as to what's wrong, but I'd like to see you in a few more sessions, if that's alright. I'd rather not disclose my theory until I'm absolutely sure." Galuf checked his watch. "It looks like our time here is up. So I'll see you next week, Sora. Good day."

"Bye…" Sora rose from his seat and walked out the oak doors to see Riku. The taller man nodded his greeting and they walked to the car.

"What'd you guys talk about today?" he asked.

"Mostly about Kairi. A little bit about what's wrong with me."

"Any good news?" Sora didn't respond. He was intently examining the ground beneath his feet. Riku hesitated. "Did you want to visit… Kairi's grave tomorrow?"

"No," Sora burst out immediately and covered his mouth in an embarrassed sort of way.

"Why?" Riku glimpsed at Sora from the corner of his eye. Sora went back to examining the pavement.

"Can't let it be real…" he muttered more to himself than Riku. Thinking it was a bad idea to bring up Kairi, Riku went back to their original topic on the therapy session.

"So this doctor didn't go prying?" Sora shook his head. One of Riku's major concerns about this whole arrangement was that the doctor might accidentally glean over the truth of the accident and call the authorities. "You didn't say anything about the Keyblade?"

"No…" Riku unlocked the car door.

"Just checking…" He sighed just before he opened the door. "I just don't want you saying anything that will get you into trouble. I mean to protect you, I hope you know. You're my best friend, Sora. You're all I have left." He opened his door and climbed into the car, leaving a very stressed and guilt-ridden Sora standing on the outside.

_No pressure, eh?_

OOOoooOOO

A/N: Galuf Doe is from FFV. I hope I'm not making Sora too OOC, but then again, he _is_ crazy.


	6. Chapter 6: See No Evil

**Dementia**

Chapter 6: See No Evil

Sora's two weeks off school were up. He could have taken longer if he preferred, since it was his money he'd be wasting. But the thing was, he figured now that he was going to therapy for his terrors, he'd be alright to go back to college. He couldn't avoid it forever. And what was he supposed to do five years down the road without a diploma? No one would ever hire him. Somehow, though, the prospect of getting a 9 to 5 desk job seemed so drab in comparison to the life style he had been living away from the Destiny Islands.

He walked into the cafeteria for lunch. He had some free time between his first and second classes, so he figured he'd grab a bite. Riku would have gone with him but he decided to get some study time in. The selection was rather lacking, ranging from burnt fries to wilted salads. Sora figured he'd be safe ordering a burger.

After getting his food, he took a seat at one of the deserted tables. He unwrapped the foil surrounding the burger and went to take a bite, but he felt something crawling on his hand. Sora examined the sandwich but didn't have to look very hard to see that his burger patty had been replaced with a _rotting maggoty hand_, swarming with little white bugs and somewhat large cockroaches. It took all his will power not to scream like a girl. He dropped the maggot-ridden flesh onto the table and pushed it away.

Oh god, I'm gonna be sick… 

It was happening again. More visions. More hallucinations. He knew the burger was fine - he was just looking at it a moment ago and it was fine, but his eyes saw otherwise. He couldn't tear them away from the human hand, which was now leaking blood as well as maggots.

_Yup, definitely gonna be sick._

Sora quickly wrapped up the spoiled burger and threw it into the nearest garbage before his stomach had a chance to rebel. After this, he was fairly sure he wasn't hungry anymore. In fact, he was sure he wouldn't be hungry for a very long time.

Who was he kidding? He thought he was ready for school again. He thought maybe these therapy sessions were helping. But nothing was changing. He was still hallucinating. He was not ready to return to college again. Soon, he found himself in the Student Services wing requesting more time off.

OOOoooOOO

"So how are you feeling today?" asked Galuf with his ever-pleasant smile. Sora found his presence to comforting and easy to talk to. He no longer felt the need to bottle things up when he was around the doctor. This was his fourth or fifth session with Dr. Galuf Doe. He was feeling a little lightheaded today from lack of food, so he requested to lie on the leather couch.

"Weird…" he replied.

"More visions?" Galuf tilted his head slightly to the left.

"Yeah… My food…" Sora shivered thinking about the rotting hand between two bread buns. "Everything I've tried eating turns into something…" The night before, Riku had prepared pasta and Sora was nearly sick when it appeared as though worms were wriggling about on his plate. Galuf grumbled his concern and wrote something down on his clipboard. Sora reminded himself silently to steal that clipboard one of these days to see what Galuf was writing.

"How long has this been going on?"

"A couple days now."

"What is it you see?" Sora squirmed uncomfortably. He _really_ didn't want to think about it right now. Simply thinking about bringing up the memory was making him queasy.

"Gross stuff, like bugs and…" He paused, feeling his stomach churning. "I really don't want to say. I'm starting to feel sick…"

"That's alright. I get the picture." Galuf decided to steer the conversation away from food to not upset Sora anymore. "What about your sleeping habits?" Sora shrugged and shook his head. "Still no sleep? Hmmm…" Galuf sat back and entwined his fingers together. "Why do you suppose your mind won't let you sleep? Why won't your mind move past the night of the accident?" Sora waited for Galuf to answer, but when he did not, he realized he was the one who was supposed to put out a few theories. However, he had a pretty good idea already why he couldn't sleep and why he felt like he was being haunted.

"I'm being punished," he whispered, closing his eyes. Galuf became concerned.

"Why would you say that?"

"Because it's my fault Kairi's dead." Sora could understand that these hallucinations were part of some kind of punishment, but he couldn't understand why Roxas was the one delivering it. What did the blonde Nobody have to do with anything? He couldn't piece that last part of the puzzle together.

"Sora, we've been over this," Galuf reassured gently. "You're not to blame for Kairi's death."

"I am. I'm the one that held the hilt of the sword in her heart. I killed her!" Sora laughed bitterly. "It's ironic that the Oathkeeper was a symbol of Kairi. It was the embodiment of everything that was her, and it just so happens to be the instrument of her demise. Poetic…" Galuf's eyes narrowed.

"Oathkeeper?" he asked. He was not about to jump to any conclusions from this new revelation. "What's that?"

"My Keyblade. Well, more specifically, the key chain attached to my Keyblade. It's difficult to explain."

"Try me." Sora hesitated, only remembering for an instant that he wasn't supposed to say anything about the Keyblade or who really killed Kairi. But it was quickly forgotten. All he wanted was someone to share this with. He needed to get this off his chest.

"The Keyblade is a weapon that chose me as its wielder. Whenever I attach a chain to it, it transforms into a different variation. I don't know where it came from, but it can be used to battle darkness, unlock any lock, whole worlds, and people's hearts." It sounded like a thing of make-believe to Galuf. He wrote a few more things down on his clipboard.

"Go on. Who gave it to you?"

"Don't know. It just… appeared one day. When the island disappeared."

Galuf didn't know what Sora was talking about with the island disappearing. All he did know was that these hallucinations that the boy was having were far worse than he originally thought. The poor boy even thought _he _killed Kairi. Such nonsense. But this was the most talking Sora had done since these sessions had begun, so Galuf let him continue.

"What sort of darkness do you speak of?" Galuf asked, hoping to get Sora to open up more.

"Heartless - creatures born from the darkness of someone's heart. They seek out others' hearts to feed on. But they were being controlled by a powerful Heartless named Ansem… well, his name was actually Xehonart, but we didn't figure that out till later."

"We?"

"Yeah, Riku and I." Sora sat up as he spoke. It didn't even occur to him that he shouldn't be speaking of these things. "Riku was the original Keyblade Master, but he got taken over by darkness and possessed by Xehonart!" It never once entered his mind that some of the things he was speaking of wouldn't make sense to an outsider. But he didn't stop talking. He spoke of everything. He told Galuf all about his adventures, about Donald and Goofy, and King Mickey too. He told the doctor about the Gummi ship and all the other worlds. He went on to explain all about Xenohart, about Kairi's hometown Radiant Garden, Maleficent, Leon, Aerith, the battle in Kingdom Hearts, the door to light and dark, the Nobodies, Organization VIII. He just couldn't stop himself. He needed someone to speak to about these things.

After he finished, Galuf sat back in his chair to mull over everything he had just heard. Kairi was a princess? Riku and Sora were Keyblade Masters? There were other worlds? Yes, without a doubt, Sora was mentally unstable, he concluded. He had actually been rather concerned for a moment there when Sora said he had been the one to kill Kairi, but after hearing the story of the Keyblade, Galuf dismissed the idea of Sora being the murderer. The boy had a proven recent history of hallucinating. He must've dreamt up a reinvented death for Kairi along with all those adventures one night.

Galuf checked his watch. He only had about 3 minutes left with the boy.

"Well, Sora, that was quite a tale," he murmured as he pulled out a pad of paper with his name, contact information and office written as the letterhead. "I've been going over the theory of mine as to what's wrong with you and I think I'm sure it's the correct one now. Would you like to hear it?" Sora nodded. "I believe these hallucinations are the cause of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. It's caused by witnessing the death of a loved one. You have all the symptoms of PTSD: insomnia, disassociation, emotional detachment, nightmares, and daytime flashbacks of the death. Since these symptoms have persisted just about a month, I'm going to prescribe some sleeping pills for you to take. They should help reduce the hallucinations and stop you from dreaming while you sleep." Galuf hastily scribbled the name of the drug on the pad of paper and tore it out of the pile, passing it to Sora. "Take that to your nearest pharmacy and pick up a bottle." Sora stared at the piece of paper and nodded. "Well, our time here is up. I hope to see you next week."

Outside the office, Riku was in his usual chair, reading some of the waiting room magazines. He looked up when he heard the door open and Sora walked out. He stood and led the younger man towards the exit. As they walked to the parking lot, he asked his usual question regarding what they spoke about.

"I told him…" Sora was about to say _everything._ He stopped himself, suddenly coming to his senses. What had he done? He just blurted out secrets that no ordinary person should hear. But Galuf didn't seem the least bit disturbed or worried. He certainly didn't call the police, so that was something. Sora decided to keep quiet about his major slip-up. "He gave me a prescription for sleeping pills." Sora changed the subject. "Could we go pick them up on the way home?" Riku nodded.

OOOoooOOO

Sora eyed the little tube container. Within it held the medicine meant to help him. But he was suspicious. He was never one who liked taking medicine. Pills scared him. He also envisioned himself choking on them. Pacing back and forth, Sora weighed the pros and cons of taking the pills.

_On the one hand, the visions will stop. That's what I've wanted. But on the other hand, I might choke and die._

It was an absurd notion, but he solidly believed that these pills were meant to kill him. His paranoia was in high gear. Sora picked up the bottle and stuffed it under his mattress. If Riku inquired about them, Sora would say he took them already. Yes, the boy had his mind made up. He wasn't going to take the pills. He was going to figure out another way to rid himself of these delusions. With one last look into his room, he left for the pier where Riku was helping a neighbor with his yacht.

Sora stifled a yawn when he reached the dock where Riku was tying a knot in one of the boat's ropes.

"Hey Sora, feeling any better?" the older man greeted, wiping the sweat off his brow. Sora drowsily nodded to avoid any more questions. He was so exhausted. And hungry. He wanted food – preferably food that didn't turn into any unnatural. "Old Man Collins is going to take us out on the yacht when he finishes fixing the motor."

"Damn thing is shot to hell, it is," their neighbor Collins grumbled as he came out to the deck from the cabin. "Been giving me trouble for weeks. Nice lad, you are, Riku, for helping me out."

"No problem," Riku said with a shrug and got back to work. "So Sora, you interested?" Sora's stomach grumbled loudly. He could go for some fish right about now, but waved to Riku as though to say 'Don worry about it.'

"Maybe later…" he said as he exhaled loudly. Riku shrugged.

"Suit yourself."

Sora's attention was drawn away from Riku when he saw a couple gulls fighting over a piece of bread. He wandered over to the far end of the pier and watched the gulls swoop from the sky to the water, furiously trying to obtain the bread being thrown from a brown-hair girl in an orange shirt down the way. This made him smile for some reason. He remembered his childhood innocence. He remembered a time when he and his friends were having a picnic and a large amount of ducks were invading their area, so Sora, Riku, and Kairi chased them away with sticks while Tidus, Wakka, and Selphie laughed. Sora's balance swayed slightly as he recounted the memory.

He watched the girl throw another piece of bread and she turned to look at him and smiled.

"I never did get to go to the beach…" she whispered. "This is as close as I'll get…" She looked familiar somehow… She extended her arm to offer Sora a piece of bread. Sora took the piece but didn't get a good grip because the next gust of wind blew it from his fingertips and into the water beneath his feet. He looked into the water to see where the piece had landed and saw…

Sora got onto his hands and knees to get a closer look. His eyes weren't playing tricks on him. It was Roxas' reflection looking back at him. Without warning, Roxas' arms sprang out of the water and wrapped around Sora's neck. The brunette yelled and struggled for a few seconds before he was pulled beneath the waves in a loud splash. His exhaustion and hunger were too much. He couldn't fight back against the invisible force pulling him down.

Sora couldn't breathe! His lungs burned and cried for air. He was struck with fear. He kicked and flailed his arms and legs in an attempt to swim to the surface but couldn't break free. He was just so tired. His eyes dropped closed. He inhaled water. His vision blurred and everything became dark.

He was dying.

Suddenly, he felt a hand wrap around his wrist and it pulled with such might, he was afraid his arm would come off. Within moments, he broke the surface of the water. But he wasn't out of the woods yet. He still had huge quantities of water in his lungs threatening to end his life. He coughed and sputtered, opening his eyes just long enough to see who had rescued him. His heart broke at the sight.

Riku, completely drenched, was pulling Sora onto the dock, his face clearly struggling to maintain some semblance of bravery. When the two were safely on the pier, Riku immediately began performing CPR to get the excess water out of Sora's system. The younger man heaved and coughed as Riku pushed on his chest. Then finally, he turned to the side and spat out a mouthful of seawater. When he finished hacking up the remaining water, he sat up grabbing his chest. His throat and eyes burned from the salt in the water. Just as he was catching his breath, he was pulled into a fierce hug by the soaked Riku.

"What were you thinking?" the older one cried out. Sora was speechless. From the way Riku was shaking, it was clear he was terrified.

"I…" What could Sora say? He was pulled into the water by a hallucination? Or did he fall in from exhaustion…?

"Tell me it was an accident! Tell me you weren't trying to drown yourself!" Riku's brave face was cracking. Sora shook his head vigorously.

"No!" he choked out, rubbing his throat. "It wasn't like that…" He began shivering from the water.

"No?" Riku asked, barely containing his fear and anxiety. "It sure as hell looked like it from where I was! One minute you were zoning out, the next minute, you jumped in!" Sora's eyes widened.

"I didn't jump in! Roxas pulled me in!"

"Roxas?" Riku shouted. "HE! IS! YOU!" His face crumbled. "What does that say about you? There's a piece inside you that wants you dead? Your hallucinations are trying to kill you?" He tightened his hug slightly. "I know this is hard on you. I know you're going through a rough time, and I'm sorry I can't make it better, but I wish I could! I wish I could make it all go away! I wish I could bring Kairi back and we could go back to the way things were before! But we can't, Sora! This is it! We just have to keep moving forward and stick together. Your life is too precious to throw away. You went through hell to save Kairi and I from Heartless and Nobodies, I'm sure as hell not going to let you throw your life away now!" Sora remained motionless as Riku went on a rant about special lives and true friendship, all that nonsense. He was completely missing the point. Sora wasn't trying to kill himself, but Riku was solidly convinced he was. When Riku finished his long speech, Sora pushed him off and attempted to stand, but collapsed, still very weak from a combination of sleep deprivation, starvation, and nearly drowning.

"For the last time, Riku, I _wasn't_ trying to kill myself! It was an accident!" He didn't mean to snap at Riku, but he couldn't help but be mad. It wasn't Riku he was mad at, he was more mad at himself for his clumsiness and his stubbornness that was preventing him from taking those stupid pills that would've helped him get his strength back.

Old Man Collins arrived shortly with a blanket and wrapped it around Sora's shoulders. As the two older men got him to his feet, Sora glanced over his shoulder to where the girl in the orange shirt _should've_ been, but she was gone. Was she not real either? There was still a lingering feeling a familiarity around her face and it clued in to Sora where he remembered her.

"She was from Twilight Town…" he muttered. Riku glanced at him but said nothing. "There was a girl… Olette…?" It didn't make sense. What was she doing there? Where did she go? As he was led away from the dock, Sora couldn't help feeling like he was missing a critical piece of some giant puzzle.

OOOoooOOO

Days passed since the near drowning. Riku kept an anxiously close watch on Sora. He followed Sora wherever he went, he paced outside Sora's room when the boy was locked up in there, and he ensured there weren't any objects lying around that could be used in self-harm. He was scared. Scared for Sora's life.

Riku followed Sora into the living room. The brunette had a habit of wandering around the house, as if trying to remember where he placed something. Sometimes, Sora would look under the couches or behind the TV and would turn up nothing. He sat down on the couch and shifted uncomfortably. Riku took a seat on the other couch. They said nothing for a few minutes. Finally, Riku cleared his throat.

"I've been thinking of a solution to your food problem…" he whispered. Sora looked up. He had been drinking mostly liquids and eating few carbohydrate foods like bread and crackers. For the most part, it wasn't enough and sooner or later, he knew he'd collapse. But everything else just kept changing into something… disgusting.

"Oh?" he asked, curious to know what could help him.

"Yeah, here, I'll show you." Riku stood and walked into the kitchen. Sora stood up stiffly and followed. Riku pulled out some leftover roast beef from the fridge. He reheated it in the microwave and placed it on a plate before Sora. Immediately, Sora envisioned it as a beating heart and he turned away, his face starting to sweat.

"Not helping, not helping, not helping…" he repeated over and over again.

"Just wait." Riku pulled out a black cloth from his pocket. "This is the bandana I wore over my eyes to hide the truth from everyone else. I think if you wore it, it'd hide the lies from yourself." He tied it around Sora's head, covering his eyes, and pulled up a chair next to the boy. "Here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to repeat what this food is in your ear so your brain won't do anything funny. You can't see it, so your brain won't have a chance to hallucinate." Sora was nervous. He wasn't sure this was going to work. But by god, did that roast smell good.

Riku cut up the slice of roast beef into little cubes and placed a fork in Sora's hand. He guided Sora's hand to the first piece and let him pick it up with the fork. Just before it reached his lips, Sora hesitated.

"Just relax," said Riku. "It's roast beef. Just roast beef." He was true to his word and repeated it over and over until Sora took a deep breath and plunged the little piece of meat into his mouth. He chewed once, then twice, and a few more times before swallowing. Riku watched on tensely. A smile spread across Sora's lips.

"Oh god, that was good…" he murmured, his hand blindly trying to find the next piece. "I feel like I haven't eaten in-"

"Five days?" Riku grinned. "It has been five days."

"Well I was gonna say a month, but I won't argue with semantics." The two laughed for the first time in a long time and Sora claimed a few more pieces of beef with his fork. Riku was especially glad that at least one of his ideas actually worked.

When Sora finished eating and Riku cleaned the dishes, they went back into the living room. For the most part, Sora felt a little stronger. His stomach certainly was grateful. He sat in his regular seat and shifted uncomfortably. Something was poking him.

"So what happened to the pills you were supposed to be taking?" Riku asked bluntly. "I know you haven't been taking them." Sora looked guilty.

"They're too big…" he muttered, looking at his lap. "I'll choke on them."

"Too big?" Riku asked, amused. "My god, man, you defeated Xehonart's Heartless and Nobody! You can handle a little pill." Sora shifted again. Something was seriously causing discomfort in the couch. He ignored Riku temporarily as he got off the couch and lifted the cushion. Lying wedged between the arm of the sofa and the back was a brown sketchbook. He pulled it out, remembering it from over a week ago. Riku looked on in interest and perked up.

"That's Naminé's!" he exclaimed. Sora looked up in surprise. He placed the sketchbook onto the coffee table between the two. Riku started flipping through it, pausing every now and then to carefully examine an image. "Definitely Naminé's. But what's it doing here?" He looked to Sora for an answer. "How'd you get this?" Sora shrugged. He had forgotten about the sketchbook because he thought it was part of his hallucinations or nightmares. He had been doubting a lot of reality lately.

"I just woke up one morning and there it was." Sometimes things like that happened. Riku didn't find it the least bit odd. If a message in a bottle from another world could show up in the shores of darkness, then he was ready to believe anything.

"I guess somebody wanted you to have it." Riku shut the sketchbook and slid it towards Sora.

Thoughtfully, Sora opened it to a random page and saw a picture of himself and Roxas standing back to back. His eyes were locked on as the little drawing of Roxas slowly turned around, Keyblade drawn, and stabbed the cartoon Sora in the back. The real Sora gasped and slammed the book shut. He looked up at Riku.

"If you've got any bright ideas on how I can take my pills, now's the time to say them," he stated. Riku leaned forward, thinking hard.

"Take it with a spoon full of sugar?" he suggested playfully. Sora shot him a sarcastic smile.

"Yeah, sure."

That night, after much coaxing and even going as far as grinding up the pills into a fine power, mixing it into a weird combination of water and sugar, Riku had Sora sleeping his first restful night in over a month. There were no nightmares or terrors, just the even rising and falling of Sora's chest as he slept and breathed. Riku watched him for hours after he had dozed off, just to make sure he'd be all right. This overwhelming feeling of protectiveness wouldn't allow Riku to leave. Eventually, he ended up falling asleep on the floor by the door. But his last thoughts before nodding off was that Sora seemed to be getting better. Or maybe it was just another one of his lucid periods and he'd go back into Sora-land soon enough. Riku prayed to whatever deity that would listen that Sora would get better.

He needed his best friend back.

OOOoooOOO

A/N: Old Man Collins is a somewhat original character created just for this chapter. So how's Sora's insanity looking? You think he's getting better? Or is this merely the eye of the storm? (evil cackle) More coming!

Quick shout out to some faithful reviewers! **Suicidal Kitten, Vaed, JokesterAms, and Riku and Ryou's Kitty!**Thank you guys! You're the reason I keep writing:hug: Answering Vaed's suggestion, it will be explained in future chapters why Roxas is doing what he's doing. :3


	7. Chapter 7: Welcome to the Machine

A/N: Now it's time to meet some familiar faces. The chapter title is named after a Pink Floyd song.

**Dementia**

Chapter 7: Welcome to the Machine

Welcome my son, welcome to the machine.  
What did you dream?  
It's alright we told you what to dream.

Pink Floyd

Riku murmured quietly as he awoke, his eyes flickering open. He looked around, slowly remembering his surroundings, and glanced at Sora's empty bed.

Wait a minute. Empty?

Riku jumped to his feet and bolted out of the room, searching for his best friend. Kairi's room was empty. Riku's room was empty. The bathroom was empty. Where the hell was Sora? Riku's senses perked up when he heard a slight clatter coming from the kitchen, so he bolted down the stairs. He ran into the kitchen in time to see Sora with his back to Riku, holding a long knife up. Riku froze. It was happening again. Sora was going to commit suicide! Riku panicked.

"Sora, put the knife down," he whispered, holding his hands up carefully. Sora looked over his shoulder at Riku.

"Why? Jealous?" he said with a smile. Riku's breathing increased. He was scared now.

"Just put… the knife… down." He took a step towards the brunette. Sora's playful smile slowly melted into confusion when he recognized the look of terror on Riku's face.

"What's wrong?" He turned around to face Riku completely, still holding the large knife.

"Nothing's wrong!" Riku quickly reassured, his eyes flickering back and forth between the sharp blade and Sora's face. "Just give me the knife. Everything's going to be okay." He took another step towards the deranged young man.

"I don't understand…" Sora whispered. "Why do you want the knife?"

"I'm just trying to protect you…" Riku explained. He was only about a foot away from Sora now. He could lunge forward to grab the knife out of Sora's hand, but he was worried that someone would get hurt in the struggle. Sora looked at the knife and back to Riku. And a light went on in his head.

"Oh! Oh no! I'm not-" Sora burst out laughing. "I'm not suicidal! I was making a sandwich!" He sidestepped to show what was on the cutting board – a sliced tomato and some cheese. "I'm sorry, Riku! I didn't mean to scare you! I'm fine!" Riku looked at the cutting board, then the knife, and then at Sora. A smile cracked on his face. He blinked a few times.

"I feel stupid…" he grumbled. Sora continued giggling, putting the knife on the counter and wiping his hands on the nearby towel.

"It's just that I was feeling really hungry this morning and now that I have a way to eat without getting delusional, I wanted to make my own meal. I thought you were being jealous because normally you make all the meals." Riku found himself taking deep steady breaths to regain his composure. He was glad this was just a misunderstanding. Then it occurred to him that he should have more faith in his friend's will to live. Sora wasn't the kind of person who'd commit suicide. Then again, he wasn't the kind of person to wake from a nightmare, stab someone, and go insane, but he certainly proved that theory wrong.

"Sorry," Riku muttered as he turned to leave the room. He felt a little ashamed that he'd ever think Sora capable of taking his own life, but Sora didn't seem the least bit offended. In fact, the brunette seemed to find the whole situation amusing.

OOOoooOOO

As the days wore on, even though Sora was eating more, his strength didn't seem to be returning. He noticed a slight change in his exhaustion. It was sort of a drowsy stupor, as if he had gotten far too much sleep, but when he would lie down to sleep, he would be restless unless he took his pills. And that was where his problem lay, he realized. The pills were leaving him somnolent all day long and he couldn't sleep anymore without them. He wasn't sure if this was any better than before. He had to admit, his hallucinations were down and he hadn't had a single nightmare since he started taking the pills, but he wondered what kind of life he'd be leading if he was as unenergetic and lethargic as he was now, depending on his sleeping pills like a drug-abuser. He just didn't feel right. He was the boy who had unlimited energy to do anything he put his mind to, but with this medication, he just wasn't the same.

It was nearly a week after Sora started taking the prescription and his condition was fluctuating. His mind was made up. He wanted to stop taking the medicine and face up to his inner demons by himself. But it was hard to go off the pills with Riku watching his every move and monitoring his pill intake to ensure no deliberate or accidental overdose occurred.

The evening of his final decision, before he went to bed, Riku checked up on him, as usual.

"So here's your spoon full of sugar," Riku said with a grin, passing Sora a cup of water. In actuality, they had given up on the concoction of water, sugar, and ground-up pills. Instead, Riku would simply break the pill in half and get Sora to swallow the pieces separately. Sora place the first half the pill in his mouth and maneuvered it so it was lodged between his wisdom tooth and cheek. He swallowed a sip of water for show and opened his mouth so Riku could see he 'swallowed' the pill as well. He repeated these actions with the second half of the pill. Once Riku was satisfied, he bade Sora a good night and left the room. As soon as the door made a click, Sora spat the pills halves out into his hand and tossed them into the garbage. He washed his mouth out to get rid of the odd taste the pills left behind and settled back into bed.

Without the pills, however, he didn't sleep that night. He simply lay in bed wondering what he'd do when the effects of the pills wore off and the nightmares returned. For the next two nights, it was the same deal. He was determined to face these terrors. He just needed to get a grip. He was a Keyblade Master. He had faced countless monsters and plenty of darkness. A few nightmares should be nothing. He told himself this confidently, but when he dozed off on the third night, he wasn't so confident then.

He was on the islet of Destiny Island where he used to play as a kid. It was the island where his adventure in other worlds began. Everything seemed sort of hazy and unclear. He was standing on the beach, looking out across the water. Someone was stand in the water with their back to him. There was a glimmer of red hair and pink fabric.

It was Kairi!

Sora gasped. She looked… fine. She wasn't bleeding or dead-looking. She looked fine. Better than fine! She looked beautiful. Sora took a step towards her. She turned to look at him and smiled her shy but playful smile. How Sora missed that smile of hers. He wanted to reach out and take her hand, speak with her a while, let himself believe that everything was going to be okay.

His third step into the water sent him lurching forward. The sand beneath his feet had vanished, replaced by a chasm that sent him tripping forward beneath the waves, unable to regain his footing. Kairi reached out to him as he sank. He saw her expression of disappointment and sadness, but she made no further attempt to save him. He sank further and further beyond her reach. It was just like the down by the pier when he nearly drowned. His lungs demanded air, but he simply couldn't accommodate.

Sora fell faster and faster into the abyss, quickly losing sight of the surface. He was dully reminded of the dream he had a long time ago that was similar to this experience. And just like his previous dream, he fell towards a stain glass platform, but the image on the stain glass wasn't of any of the Princesses of Heart from the other worlds, it was the Princess of Heart from his world. His Kairi.

The platform featured a stylized drawing of Kairi sitting on a tree trunk, reaching forward to a paopu fruit. She was framed by smaller images of people she knew, such as Riku, Sora, and the other Destiny Island kids. Beside her was the Oathkeeper, almost standing on guard as her protector. Sora floated above this platform, taking in the view. He noticed a flicker of movement. The Oathkeeper moved. It turned and its pointed edge was facing the unmoving image of Kairi. Sora cried out as it moved forward and impaled the stain glass Kairi.

The invisible force that had been holding Sora in place released him and let him fall onto the platform in a loud splash. Sora looked around. He had landed in a pool of crimson blood that covered the entire platform now. He tried to stand, but the solid ground beneath his feet seem to melt away and he began plummeting into the thick blood. He struggled and just as his head was about to sink below the surface, a hand grabbed his own and pulled him to his feet. The ground solidified once again, giving him something to stand on. Sora looked up and half expected his rescuer to be Riku, but he was mildly surprised to see Roxas. They stood there, staring at one another for a few seconds before Roxas backed up.

Sora had enough sense to say, "Uh, thanks. For saving me."

"Don't thank me yet," Roxas replied coldly. "I didn't save you out of the kindness of my nonexistent heart." He threw his arm to the side and summoned the Oblivion Keyblade. Sora was startled and backed away slightly. What was Roxas playing at? "I saved you so I could have the pleasure of killing you myself. Not that a _Nobody_ could feel pleasure."

Before Sora had much time to react, Roxas lunged at him with his Keyblade drawn. Sora managed to dodge at the last second and instinctively summoned his own Keyblade, the Oathkeeper. He was almost afraid to look at it, however, because he knew it'd still be stained with blood.

"Go ahead, look at it!" Roxas shouted. "Look at your mess!" Sora chanced a glimpse at his Keyblade. Just as he feared, it still had red blotches all across it. He flinched and nearly tossed it aside if he weren't still aware of the angry Other trying to kill him.

Roxas jumped into the air and aimed his Oblivion's edge at Sora. The brunette rolled away and lifted the Oathkeeper to defend against Roxas' next attack. He swiped continuously at Sora viciously, but Sora shielded the blows with his Oathkeeper. Roxas kicked him in the chest and did a reversal, getting behind Sora and kicked him in back. Sora stumbled but spun around in time to stop the Oblivion from stabbing him.

"You're crazy!" Sora shouted.

"Aren't we both?" Roxas replied coolly. The two locked Keyblades, Sora getting pushed back while Roxas angrily put his weight into it. Sora dropped to one knee, grabbed Roxas' ankle and threw him across the platform.

Once he caught his breath, Sora yelled, "Why are you trying to kill me?" Roxas struggled to his feet, his glare cold as ice.

"Isn't it obvious?" he drawled. "You're a murderer!"

"I told you, it was an accident!"

"And I told YOU that Kairi wasn't the only you killed!" Sora shook his head. He was getting more confused by the minute.

"Who else did I kill?"

"You really aren't that bright, are you?" Roxas insulted. He readied himself for another attack. "You killed Naminé. Kairi may have been your love, but Naminé was mine. And you killed her, you bastard! Now you're going to pay!" Without another word, he rushed at Sora. The brunette prepared himself, but at the last second, Roxas vanished. Sora spun around, searching for the blonde. No way it was that easy.

Suddenly, he felt a presence right behind him, but before he had a chance to turn around, Roxas knocked the Oathkeeper out of his hands and sent Sora crashing into the ground. Roxas kicked the Oathkeeper off the platform, learning from his mistake last time he fought Sora. He pointed the Oblivion at Sora's throat.

"So now you know the truth," the blond mumbled. "Die with it." He rapidly slashed the sharp edge across Sora's throat.

Sora sat up in bed, silently screaming in pain. He looked around, holding his throat. He was back in his room. Sora was filled with leftover adrenaline and winced, his neck burning with agony. He rushed to the bathroom, hoping it wasn't too late to stop the bleeding. As he passed the bathroom mirror on his way to grab towels, he noticed something. His neck wasn't bleeding. It wasn't even red. Sora slowly removed his fingers from his throat. The pain subsided. There were no marks of any kind.

It was all in his head?

Relief washed over him. He had been so worried that Roxas had really slashed his throat. He quickly splashed some cold water on his face to full wake himself up and wash away to remnants of his nightmare. It had been so real… the pain, especially. And the anger radiating off Roxas. It all felt so real…

Sora went downstairs to see Riku awake. The man had finally stopped camping outside Sora's bedroom. Riku smiled a greeting and Sora opened his mouth to say good morning, only…

Nothing came out. Sora gripped his throat. He coughed and cleared it before trying again. He didn't hear a thing. He looked up at Riku. The older man didn't seem to notice his dilemma; he was busy reading the paper. Sora cleared his throat again, starting to panic. That time, Riku looked up and noticed Sora seemed to be saying something, only no sound could be heard from his lips.

"You okay?" he asked the younger man. Sora shook his head frantically. "What's wrong?" Sora pointed at his throat and did a slash motion, then grabbed it and pretended to choke himself. "Infection?" Sora shook his head again, even more frantically than the first time. He was really starting to panic. He looked around the kitchen and grabbed the white board that was on the fridge door.

He wrote quickly, _"I can't speak! Nightmare Roxas cut my throat!"_ Riku read the words and looked up at Sora disbelieving.

"Nightmare Roxas? I thought the pills you were taking were supposed to stop the nightmares!" Sora immediately looked guilty, mentally cursing his stupid slip-up, and shifted on his feet, looking away. Riku became annoyed. "Oh no, you stopped taking them! Why? Goddamn it Sora, this is exactly why you need to keep taking them!" Sora shrugged, feeling quite ashamed. Riku was right, but Sora didn't care about that part right now, all he wanted was an immediate solution to his mute problem. He pointed once again at his throat. "Alright, try humming." Sora did as he was told, but didn't emit any noise, just breathing. "Try yelling!" Sora took a deep breath and exhaled silently. "Whistle?" Sora pursed his lips and breathed. Even whistling was out of the question. "Well I'm out of ideas." Sora grabbed the white board and erased it.

He wrote, _"Hospital!"_

"What are they supposed to do with you?" Riku asked. "I don't think it's physical." Sora erased the white board.

"_I felt pain when I woke. What if Roxas did some damage?"_

"It was just a dream!" Sora slammed the white board onto the table, making Riku jump, and pointed stubbornly at it. "Alright, fine, we'll go the hospital!" Truth be told, Riku was just as nervous and scared, but he was better at hiding it.

OOOoooOOO

"Well I'm afraid we can't find anything wrong with him," said a doctor in a white coat. He was adjusting his glasses while reading off the chart in his hands. Next to him was Sora, lying in a hospital bed, and sitting next to the bed was Riku, wearing a look of deep concern.

"How can there be nothing wrong?" Riku demanded. "He can't speak!"

"Sir, we tried every test we could think of," the doctor explained. "We examined his throat, performed x-ray scans, checked his breathing, ultrasound, you name it! And we didn't find a trace of evidence to suggest there's anything physically wrong with him." The doctor glanced at Sora and indicated to Riku to join him outside the hospital room. Once the two were out of Sora's earshot, the doctor said in a hushed voice, "I believe it's all psychological. Your friend in there has a history of mental delusions. This is probably just an extreme take on it." The doctor cleared his throat and adjusted his glasses again. "My professional recommendation is that your send him to a psychiatric hospital for analysis." Riku backed up.

"What?" he whispered, unable to believe his ears. "Send him away?" He shook his head. "No, I can't do that."

"Sir, you don't have much of a choice. There isn't much you can do to aid your friend on your own. If you don't seek professional psychiatric help, his mental state will deteriorate beyond facilitation, and then the city will have no choice but to commit him anyway, only it'll be too late to cure him." The doctor paused, allowing Riku some time to take in this information.

"But you don't understand," the silver-haired man whispered, leaning against the wall for support. "He needs me as much as I need him. I can't just send him away to some nuthouse and hope for the best. I promised to protect him."

"You'd be doing him a wonderful favor by doing this," the doctor retaliated gently. "Please consider it. There's only so much strain one human mind can handle. He might already be at his breaking point." Riku sighed and nodded.

"I'll think about it…" He pushed past the doctor and went back into the room with Sora. Taking a seat, he looked Sora in the eye and took his hand. Sora could already tell he was the barer of bad news. "I just spoke to the doctor. He thinks this is all in your head." Sora looked down, his eyes becoming half lidded. "He says… we should send you to a special hospital where they can help you." Sora's eyes shot up. He knew what that meant. "Just hear me out. This place… they have specially trained doctors who can handle this sort of thing! They can help you through this. They can make it all go away." Sora shook his head frenetically. He mouthed the word 'No' repeatedly. "Sora, I can't do this alone anymore. I can't let you fall into the your madness. I won't let you fall. So you have to trust me." Sora's eyes pleaded with Riku. He didn't want to go. He couldn't leave Riku. The older man closed his eyes, unable to look at Sora's miserable expression. "Please let them help you." Sora flopped back into his bed and turned away from the older man. Riku bit back his hurt and stood, knowing that Sora had to accept this course of action on his own. He decided to change the topic slightly. "The doctor said they'll keep you overnight for observation." Sora didn't move. "I'll be back tomorrow to take you home." Still no movement. Riku hesitated. "I'm leaving now…" He sighed when the boy stubbornly remained motionless. Without another word, he turned and left the room. As soon as he was gone, though, Sora regretfully turned around and watched the empty doorway, his eyes reaching out. He settled back into bed and hugged his blanket close. So Riku didn't want him around any longer? Sora sniffed.

_Maybe I'm such a handful, he can't stand it anymore._

He really wished he could speak just so he could tell Riku how sorry he was.

OOOoooOOO

The drive back to the flat was even quieter than normal, not counting the fact that one out of two of the occupants was a mute. Riku was still feeling upset about the doctor's recommendation that Sora be sent away and Sora was upset that Riku was even considering it. The tension was definitely thick.

Once back in the flat, Sora attempted to retreat to his room to be alone, but Riku grabbed his arm.

"We need to talk," he stated. Sora gave him a sarcastic smirk as if to say 'We?' Riku mentally kicked himself. "What I mean is, I'll talk, you listen." Sora shook his arm out of Riku's grip and spread his palm as if saying 'Well?' "I still think you should give this special hospital a try. It can't hurt."

Sora silently scoffed, holding his hands up as if he were holding bars and then twirling one finger around his temple.

"It's not a prison for crazy people!" Riku snapped, clearing deciphering Sora's poor sign language. "They can and _will_ help!" Sora's rebellious look dissolved into a defeated one. He pointed at Riku, waved his palm horizontally, pointed at himself, and then over his shoulder. Riku squinted.

"You think I don't want you around anymore?" Sora nodded sullenly. "That's not true! This is the last thing I want! I thought I could help you on my own, but I can't. I'm not cut out to deal with something this…" He searched for a sensitive word to describe the situation. "Big." Lame, he concluded. His choice of words was lame. Sora's expression reflected that much. He snorted. Riku froze at the noise.

Noise?

"Did you just… laugh?" Sora rolled his eyes and crossed his arms, as if to say 'What do you think?' And then it dawned on him the implications of that simple noise. He coughed and hummed. It was dull, but it was there. He brightened considerably, pointed excitedly at his mouth as if to say 'Hear that? Hear it?'

"You see? All in your head," Riku said as he turned to leave the room. "I'm sure you'll be speaking again in no time at all." He stopped at the door to the kitchen and called over his shoulder, "Then getting you to shut up will be the problem." He only had a moment to dodge the pillow being thrown at his head.

In the days that followed, the boy slowly regained his ability to speak. Unfortunately, his wording and sentences didn't make sense. He spoke in riddles and disorganized speech. Riku made up his mind. He was going to send Sora to the Destiny Psychiatric Hospital, even though it killed him inside to do it. Sora's condition was getting worse, not better. The hallucinations were on the rise and he was going back to being reclusive, only because he felt betrayed by Riku. He tried to tell him so one afternoon, but the words in his head came out all wrong.

"_Et tu, Brutus?" Sora had said._

"_What?" Riku asked, looking up from his book._

"_Abandoned on a cliff side, with no time for tea."_

Yeah, that didn't go over well. It only further convinced Riku that Sora needed real help. He went ahead and organized all the details and made the appropriate arrangements. The day they were supposed to leave for the hospital, Sora put up a fight, protesting the injustice of it all and trying to convince Riku he wasn't crazy.

After managing to calm him down and get him in the car, they drove up the clinic in an uncomfortably silent drive. They arrived about an hour later at a large manor-like building in a secluded little area outside of town. The front foyer area inside looked less like a hospital and more like a vacation resort's front desk. A kind-looking nurse in blue looked up from her counter and smiled pleasantly at them. Sora noted quietly to himself that all doctors, especially ones of the psychiatric nature, tended to be pleasant looking. He was beginning to suspect it was just an act to lure the patients into a false sense of security.

"This is Sora?" the receptionist asked, indicating the brunette. Riku nodded. "Well if you'll follow me, Sora, I'll show you to your room." Sora looked nervous. He turned to the Riku, hoping that at the last minute, the older man would say it was just a joke and they were going home. But Riku made no such attempt.

"Go with her," he whispered, his melancholy mood coming off in waves. "Look at it this way. This can be considered a vacation! Just… take it easy." He was never good with goodbyes, even temporary ones, but he was making the best effort he could. "I'll see you in a few days when I come to visit." He paused before stepping forward and embracing Sora. "Please get well," he whispered before pulling away and turning to leave.

"Wolf in the rags of wool, the long night awaits," Sora said to his retreating form. "Perhaps… a rainbow?" Riku didn't understand completely, but he figured 'rainbow' meant good.

"Perhaps." And with that, he was out the door. Sora sighed and turned to the waiting nurse.

They walked down the halls of the rather cozy hospital until they reached the wing where the patients stayed. The nurse pointed at a door.

"This is where you'll be staying," she said with a smile. She knocked before entering. Inside was a blonde man with a marking on his face. "Zell, would you like to meet your new roommate?" The blonde man known as Zell looked up from his drawing and smiled at Sora. The nurse explained to Sora, "This is Zell. He's been here for about a year now."

"I don't bite!" Zell laughed. "Unlike some of the other patients here. I'm here because I've got amnesia. So what's your name?"

"Hell-bringer," Sora answered promptly, not missing a beat. Zell didn't even pause to think, he just started laughing.

"That's a great name!"

"His name is Sora," the nurse corrected. "I'll let you two get acquainted." Sora put his bags down on the empty bed on the far end of the room. For the most part, the room resembled a slightly larger college dorm room. There were two beds, two desks, several large dressers, and a closet for clothes and shoes.

"So what are you in for?" asked Zell, getting up from his desk to stretch.

"I see dead people," answered Sora without hesitation. Zell chuckled again.

"Do you?" Sora didn't say anything else, so Zell took command of the conversation. "Well my story isn't quite as interesting as that. I just… woke up one day on the beach with no memory of who I was or where I came from. After I went to a hospital, they sent me here to see if I could get my memories back."

"Luck of the ancients?" Sora asked, meaning to say 'Any luck?' but it came out disorganized. Still, Zell seemed to know what he meant.

"Not yet. Just brief images, like a weird glowing halo thing in the sky. And I know my name is Zell, but that's it."

"Fortune not." Sora unpacked his things into the drawers and closet.

"So what's your story? Really?" Zell tilted his head to the side curiously. Sora looked at the ground a moment.

"Dreams became real. Everywhere, things appeared." He bit his lip trying to maintain proper speech. "When her life ended, mine turned sour. Now Nobody haunts me." Zell cocked an eyebrow.

"I like you. You're fun to hang with." He cuffed Sora on the shoulder and led him out of the room. "Let's grab a bite to eat!"

In the common room area for eating, it resembled something of a cafeteria, except more comfortable. They queued up and walked along the row of trays with food. Sora's stomach flipped and churned. To him, it was like endless rows of decaying corpse bits. He tapped Zell on the shoulder.

"Could you…" he nodded at the food, trying his best not to look at it. Zell didn't have to let him finish - he knew what Sora wanted.

"Fill your plate up? Sure." Zell grabbed two plates and loaded them up with some food. He took the trays and scanned the tables for somewhere to sit. It was early evening, so most of the spots were taken. There was one table that was not, however. The only problem was that the girl sitting at the table alone seemed to be giving off a gloomy aura and Zell didn't particularly like hanging around gloomy people. But since there were no other open spots, he made his way over to the table with Sora in tow.

The two boys took a seat next to the raven-haired woman who was dispassionately stabbing her food while staring drearily out the window. She made no movement to suggest she had acknowledged them. Sora pulled Riku's black bandana from his back pocket and tied it around his eyes. He had gotten for the most part pretty good at feeding himself blindly. His sensitive instincts as a Keyblade Master allowed him to know where his food was, despite not being able to see it. Under his breath, he muttered repeatedly 'mash potatoes' as he took a bite. The woman stole a glance at Sora's odd behavior before quickly averting her eyes and looking outside again. Zell looked between the two occupants at the table.

"I don't like awkward silences," he announced. Sora and the woman looked at him (well, Sora's head moved in the direction of Zell's voice, but he couldn't actually see). "So what's your name?" he asked the woman. Her eyes went cold, despite their warm red color.

"Lulu," she replied.

"Well I'm Zell, and this," he pointed to Sora. "is my eccentric new friend, Sora Hell-bringer." He went to take Lulu's hand in a greeting, but Lulu flinched away. This did not put off Zell. "I'm here for amnesia, he's here for visions, and you…?" Lulu was in no mood to speak to anyone, so she simply rolled up her sleeves and showed them the great long scars on her arms, clearly self-inflicted and meant for fatal harm.

"Clinically depressed," she answered simply and rolled her sleeves back down, turning away from the two. Sora didn't know what quite happened, since he was blindfolded, and Zell shifted slightly, feeling bad that he inadvertently invaded Lulu's personal space. The three ate in silence for the remainder of dinner.

Just before the blonde and brunette finished clearing their spot, Zell turned to Lulu and said, "You should hang out with us." He was an optimist and he believed that even the most depressed of human beings could be cheered up with some company. He may not have liked hanging out gloomy people, but he had a knack for converting them into cheerful people. He wasn't sure how he knew this, but he had a good feeling about Lulu.

He and Sora left the table. Lulu's eyes trailed after them and she returned her gaze back to her mutilated yet untouched food.

OOOoooOOO

A/N: Zell is from FF8 and Lulu is from FF10. I also slipped in a reference to Sixth Sense, the movie that got Sora's voice actor's career off the ground (Haley Joel Osment, for those of you who don't know). Just thought it'd provide some comic relief. A note about the sleeping pills, I know from experience that being on sleeping pills has negative side affects that make patients unwilling to continue taking them, hence why Sora stopped taking his.

I just wanted to make a quick shout out to a newcomer review by the name of Leeness! Thanks for joining us here? bakes everyone some cookies


	8. Chapter 8: Speak and Be Heard

**Dementia**

Chapter 8: Speak and Be Heard

Sora dragged his heavy feet towards room 40 where his first group therapy session was to be held, with Zell following closely behind him. It was those damn pills again. Ever since he arrived at this hospital, the doctors were closely monitoring his medication intake and they were more observant than Riku, so they knew right away when he tried to hide the pill in the side of his mouth. On the one hand, scary Roxas hadn't visited him in his dreams, but now he felt like crap. He just wanted to curl up and sleep for a few more days, but even that seemed hopeless. Still, he was glad his roommate was tolerable. Zell mirrored Sora's old personality and he was what Sora strived to revert back to. But first, therapy.

When Sora and Zell arrived in room 40, there was already a small group of people assembled. A fair-haired woman with glasses stood to greet them.

"I think you two are the last of them," she said, waving her hand towards the two empty chairs. All the seats were arranged in a circle. Once the two were seated, the woman cleared her throat and picked up her clipboard. Sora grimaced at the sight of any clipboard now. "Welcome everyone. My name is Dr. Quistis Trepe, but you can all just call me Quistis." She took a seat again. "Why don't we start by going around introducing ourselves?" She turned to the person on her left. "Would you like to start?"

This man wore a red jacket with a long back, which gave it the appearance of a cloak. He rubbed his tired eyes and stood. "My name's Vincent. Vincent Valentine."

"Hello Vincent," the group murmured in unison. Sora kept his mouth shut, for fear of saying something stupid. Vincent looked to Quistis on whether or not he should continue, to which she nodded encouragingly.

"I'm here because I was a lab rat in some doctor's strange idea for an experiment. I don't remember much of it, but I remember the day I was rescued by the military. Afterwards, I suffered from severe mental shock and had to come here for treatment. That was three years ago. Safe to say I'm a lot better now, but there's still the lingering aftereffects so I'm still here." He sat back down, feeling he said everything he wanted.

Next was a teenager beside Vincent. He looked irritated, as if he was brought there against his will. Quistis gave him a meaning look, so he stood. "The name's Zidane Tribal." He didn't pause to allow the group to say hello back. "Cops nabbed me outside a convenience store a couple months back with about $130 worth of stolen merchandise. They sent me here because they think I'm a kleptomaniac." With a huff, Zidane sat back down.

Up next was none other than Lulu. She seemed reluctant to share with the others her personal problems and didn't bother standing, but she spoke anyway. "My name's Lulu." The group murmured a greeting to her, to which she shifted awkwardly. "I'm here because I have clinical depression. My…" She paused, suddenly getting upset. "My fiancée Chappu was killed in a car accident six months ago. Our wedding would have been four months ago. After he died, I… I didn't know what to do with myself." Her face went blank as she fidgeted with sleeves. "I've tried to kill myself three times since the accident." There was a long pause after she was done. Zell was next, but he didn't know if Lulu was going to continue or not.

After Quistis cleared her throat, she nodded at Zell, letting him know it was all right for him to speak. He stood and said, "I'm Zell."

"Hello Zell," said the group.

"I don't know what my last name is because I have amnesia. All I remember is waking on a beach and wandering into the hospital. They referred me here and I've been here ever since, trying to remember who I am. No one ever filed a missing person fitting my description." He sat down and nudged Sora playfully, getting him to stand.

Sora stared at the small group of people with problems. They stared back. He sighed and opened his mouth to speak, pausing as he tried valiantly to compose his thoughts and keep them composed when he spoke. "I'm Hell-bringer, uh, Sora, I mean Sora." The group exchanged perturbed looks between each other before giving Sora their full attention again. Already he felt like an outcast. They didn't even bother saying hello. "They say I have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder." He remember that term from his last session with Galuf Doe where Galuf finally revealed his theory on what was wrong with Sora. "I can't eat unless I can't see. And Nobody visits my nightmares unless I take pills." The last part didn't make much sense to anyone, but they disregarded it. Sora paused as he tried to think of something else to say and when nothing came to mind, he sat back down.

Quistis took a deep breath. "Well, now that introductions are out of the way, let's get started, shall we?" She went through her notes carefully, scanning each page. "Why don't we talk about what we hope to achieve here in the long run? What are some of your life goals? Things you want to do after you're discharged from the clinic?" Sora didn't like the sounds of that. Was she implying that they were to remain in the hospital for years, like Vincent and Zell? And were they even allowed to leave of their own free will?

Quistis turned to Vincent, indicated she wanted him to speak first. Since he had been there the longest out of all of them, she probably thought he would be best in helping the others adjust to the idea of group therapy.

"In the long run, I want what everyone else wants: a normal life." A few members of the group exchanged looks but didn't comment. "I'd like to possibly get over the mental shock of the experiments and move on. I'm not sure what's in store for me or what I could achieve once I'm out of this place, but I guess the mystery is what intrigues me the most. The idea of walking into the unknown is more comforting than trying to plan things out." Vincent turned to the restless Zidane and sent him a look that said 'Speak'.

"Look, all I want is to get out of here," the blonde teen growled.

"But don't you want to learn how to overcome your kleptomania condition?" Quistis asked gently.

"I don't have a _condition_, alright?" Zidane snapped. "All I got is a court order telling me to stay here until you people say I'm cured. After that, I'm gone." Quistis wasn't fazed by Zidane's attitude problem. She was used to dealing with troubled youth such as him.

"The first step towards recovery is admitting you have a problem," she said patiently. Zidane kissed his teeth at her comment. Since he wasn't keen on speaking, the group turned to Lulu for her turn. She immediately felt uncomfortable again by their stares.

"I want what Vincent wants," she cast the dark brooding man a quick look before shyly looking away. "I just want to be normal again. I don't want to forget Chappu, but I want the pain to go away. I just want to be happy again." She cleared her throat and glanced at Zell for his turn.

"Well I think it's pretty straight forward what I want," he said with a grin. "I want my memories back. I want to know if I had a family or friends and where they are. I just want to know who I am. And why I always have an incredible craving for hotdogs and bread." Zell looked briefly confused as he thought about his last statement before turning eagerly for Sora to speak. He had grown rather fond of Sora's random ramblings and actually looked forward to the illegible nonsense he blurted out.

"It'd be nice to make sense," Sora managed to say without too much difficulty. It went downhill from there. "No more dead girls, wisps of red hair and blood. Night is no longer sacred. Dreamscape turned into a battleground. Sins should be forgiven. Food! I want to eat normal food! And can the dead rise? I'd like that. Too late for a phoenix down. I miss her a lot." The group exchanged uneasy stares. Zidane made a huff noise. Zell looked ecstatic. Sora clenched his eyes shut, mentally kicking himself. This speech problem of his was causing a great deal of embarrassment for him.

"Alright, that concludes this group therapy session!" Quistis quickly announced to break the tension. "Please note your scheduled appointments for the week and be prompt. I'll see you all throughout the day!" She gathered her things and stood beside the door as the occupants slowly left the room. Sora was the last one out and Quistis stepped in front of the door to stop him. "Sorry to hold you back for a moment, but I'd like a quick word."

"Catch the word, then," Sora replied as if it were the most obvious thing to do. Quistis smiled.

"Yes, well, I'd like to just give you a formal welcome to the Destiny Psychiatric Hospital. I heard you were reluctant to come."

"Stabbed in the back by my best friend," Sora said bitterly.

"Sora, please understand that Riku did this for your own good. He was trying to help you the only way he could. When you're all better, you'll understand that."

"When's that, then? Months? Years?" Sora shuddered to think he'd be stuck in a place like this for as long as Vincent had been there.

"It'll take as long as it takes. Mental recovery is one thing that should _never_ be rushed, so don't force your mind to heal or you'll make things worse. Please trust us here. We mean to help you." Sora folded his arms and Quistis understood that he was now in a state of seclusion, not letting her statements sink in, so she nodded and stepped aside to let Sora go. "Just be on time for our appointment tomorrow. The rest of the week is yours to do what you please."

"Can I leave the grounds?" The blonde woman bit her lip.

"Unfortunately, no… I'm sorry, but we need to keep you here to help you."

"So I'm a prisoner."

"Please don't look at it like that." Quistis waved her hand towards the door, so Sora shrugged and left the room.

It was lunchtime when Sora reached the cafeteria. Thanks to the pills, he was able to maintain enough coherency to at least fill his plate up with food without it turning into something horrible. He took his regular seat next to Zell and across from Lulu. Just as he was about to start eating, Zell poked him and pointed to a familiar red-cloaked man making his way towards them. Without a word, Vincent took a seat next to Lulu with his own tray of food and ate silently. Lulu gave him a shy look before returning to her own food. Zell eyed their interaction with interest. In the background, unseen by anyone, Zidane skimmed past their table, snatching Zell's muffin from his plate.

"I hardly ever see you out of your room, Vincent," Zell said. Vincent glanced up briefly, made a tiny noise of acknowledgment and went back to eating. "So what brings you out into the sunlight?" Vincent didn't reply. "Got any plans today? I was going to show the new kid around." Zell jabbed a thumb in Sora's direction. The younger boy rolled his eyes and went to tie the black bandana around his eyes. Vincent ignored Zell and looked up at Sora.

"Is that how you keep the visions at bay?" he asked bluntly. Sora was taken aback by Vincent's comment, but he nodded, somewhat surprised at the attention. "Hn. I used to do that too." He pointed to the red bandana he was wearing. "It worked for a while but…" He shook himself as if he realized he was speaking and focused back on his food. Zell's eyes went back and forth between the two. The rest of lunch was spent in silence.

OOOoooOOO

The 'tour' of the hospital's grounds was a boring one. It had an expansive amount of acres, but the boundaries were bordered off with a menacing-looking fence. The only way in or out was through the gatehouse that Riku had driven them past on Sora's first day. Sora never felt more like a prisoner in his life.

In the evening, the nurse from the front counter would check up on him to ensure he was taking his medication and not harboring anything he wasn't supposed to, say for example, a knife. The nurse would often ramble on about nonsense as she checking Sora's pulse and eyes. He had learned that her name was Garnet and she was a new nurse, fresh off the 'wagon' for about a year now. She had hopes and dreams of helping millions of people.

When the nurse had finished her regular check-up and administered Sora's medication, she left the room. Sora settled into bed and glanced at Zell's bed. The blonde was already asleep. Sora was rather jealous of the fact that Zell didn't need pills to be out like a light. When drowsiness overcame him, Sora closed his eyes, but they only remained closed for a moment. He heard a small thud and searched the room for the source of the sound. His plastic cup had fallen over.

"Glad that got your attention," said a familiar voice. Sora finally noticed a pair of feet standing next to the cup. Praying it wasn't who he thought it was, his eyes followed upwards and saw the familiar cold blue eyes staring back at him. He stifled a yell of surprised and backed away on his bed until his back was flat against the wall, leaving him no where else to go. Roxas, his inner demon, grinned with malice.

"What do you want?" Sora said with a shudder. "How did you…?" He was so sure the pills had taken affect.

"I found a way to neutralize the effect those little tablets of yours were having on your mind," Roxas explained. "Took a little while to figure out, but as you can see, I finally did." Sora began sweating. He held his hand out to summon his Keyblade, but nothing happened. His eyes widened. "Oops, did I forget to mention I'm in control of this hallucination?" Sora smiled somewhat.

"If this is just a hallucination, then you're not real either. So you can't kill me!"

"You really believe that?" Roxas asked with a hint of amusement. "Besides, who says I'm here to kill you?" He summoned the Oblivion in a flash of light and turned towards Zell's sleeping form. All sensible and rational thought left Sora's mind. He temporarily forgot that Roxas was nothing more than an illusion, and only became aware of impending doom for Zell.

"No!" He jumped out of bed at Roxas. The next moment was a blur as he crashed into the ground. Something smashed and Sora was dimly aware that his head hurt.

Zell jolted awake and looked around. He blindly reached out to turn on his lamp, only to find it missing. He swung his feet out of bed and they landed on something warm and lumpy. Blurrily, he looked down at Sora's form, his lamp in pieces around his head. Sora looked up sheepishly. Zell blinked, not moving his feet.

"Why are you on the floor?" he asked directly. Sora looked around, as if realizing where he was.

"Because your feet are on my back."

"Ah." Zell lifted his feet and stepped around Sora, careful not to step on any of the pieces of his broken lamp. Before he could say anything else, there was a loud knock at their door and it flew open, flooding the room with bright light from the hallway. Sora and Zell groaned as their eyes tried painfully to adjust to the light.

"I heard the noise, is everything okay?" Garnet asked in one breath. Zell grinned his boyish grin and waved a hand away.

"Everything's fine, Sora was just sleep-walking!" he explained with a lie. Garnet breathed a sigh of relief and smiled.

"Okay, just making sure." She closed the door. Zell fumbled in the dark and found the light switch as Sora sat up, brushing the small pieces of the lamp out of his hair.

"Sorry," he mumbled. "My mind got carried away, I guess…" He felt stupid for letting himself think that one of his delusions could actually harm someone else. He was more a danger to anyone than Roxas ever would be. "I thought someone was standing over your bed with a sword." Zell found a convenient broom in the closet and went to sweep up the mess.

"Don't worry about." He shrugged off Sora's offering hand of help. "I one time had this vivid nightmare of choking on a hot dog. My roommate was so nervous I was having a seizure or something, he had called in all the nurses. When I woke up, I was surrounded by all these people. Freaked the hell out of me!" He laughed as he recalled the memory. "It took an hour of explaining just to get them to get off my back." Sora tried to find humor in that story, but could not. Not when there was an entity in his mind that was turning psychotic. Or perhaps Roxas had already turned a while ago.

OOOoooOOO

The following morning, according to Sora's timetable, he had a 10 o'clock appointment with Dr. Trepe in room 561. He had no trouble finding the room since Zell had shown him around. He had thought about skipping it and hiding out in his room, but he reconsidered after remember that he wasn't just here for his own sake, he was here so he could return back to Riku a sane man.

Gingerly, he rapped on the large door three times and waited. The door opened a crack and Sora looked in to see Quistis' blonde hair and glasses.

"Right on time, Sora," she greeted in a friendly tone and opened the door wide enough to let him in. For the most part, her office looked remarkably like Galuf Doe's office, with the exception that Quistis kept more plant life around ("Makes the place feel warmer," she had explained).

Quistis rounded her desk and took a seat. She had a medium-sized file folder on the desktop and some little desk decorations, such as a two-head wooden llama, a perpetual motion red bird that forever dunked its head into a cup of water, and a Newton's Cradle, which was still at the moment, but when one ball was drawn back, it would clink against the middle ones and send the one on the other end bouncing. Sora decided he liked this office just a little more than Galuf's.

"Please, have a seat," Quistis offered. "Anywhere you like." Thinking himself clever, Sora took a seat next to the perpetual motion bird on the desk. Quistis took no notice as she arranged her notes. "You know how many patients I've had in the past who have done that?" She looked up past her glasses with a mischievous glint in her eyes. "All the one who turned out sane in the end." She went back to her notes, leaving Sora to dwell on that. "Even Zell. Well, actually, he took a seat on my lap." She cracked a grin. Sora slowly got up from the desk and took a proper seat in one of the chairs.

Once Quistis had all her notes organized, she got out her trusty clipboard (no psychiatrist leaves home without it) and a good pen for writing. "Here's what we're going to do," she explained. "I have some inkblots and I want you to tell me the first thing that comes to mind when I hold one up. Understand?" Sora hesitated and then nodded. "Good." She held up the first one.

"Blood," Sora immediately said. Quistis wrote that down. She held up the next one. "Blood." Quistis paused before writing that down and moving on to the next one. "Blood." She put the card down.

"You mean to tell me that every single one you see is making you think blood?" Sora nodded. Quistis picked up the first card. "Would you like to know what I see when I look at these cards?" He shrugged. "A butterfly." She picked up the second card. "A bird." She picked up the third card. "A rabbit paw." Sora made a noise of interest. "So you see how this works?" He nodded. "Now let's try again, shall we?" She held up the fourth card from the pile.

"Blood." Quistis placed the card back in the pile.

"Sora, are you taking this seriously?"

"Yes."

"And you seriously see blood in every one of those cards?"

"Well why would you use red inkblots and _not_ expect people to see blood?" Sora asked, exasperated. Quistis resisted making a funny face. She glanced at the first card in the pile and saw the _black_ inkblot.

"It's not red," she stated calmly. "It's black." Sora looked skeptical but did not protest. Seeing no further progress with this test, she pushed the inkblot cards aside and moved on. "So," she began. "How did you sleep last night?" Sora raised an eyebrow.

"Trick of lore, spread rumors, so quizzically?" he asked, meaning to say 'Is that a trick question?' Quistis pursed her lips and consulted a notes page.

"No, it's not a trick question," she answered after a few seconds of silence. Sora was rather impressed she had been able to understand him, but then again, she _was_ a therapist. She probably dealt a lot with people who had thought disorders. "I'm just curious, since Nurse Garnet informed me of a disturbance. Sleep-walking, was it?" Sora huffed.

"Unlikely," he replied. "It was him, the angel of death, waving a sword around like a maniac. Thinks he's so clever 'cause he's breaking my mind. Shattered glass mind, er, lamp. I broke a lamp."

"I heard. We'll have it replaced immediately." Quistis made a note about the 'angel of death'. "So who is this 'angel of death' you speak of?"

"My other." Quistis waited for Sora to continue, but he did not.

"Other what?"

"Other half. Dur." She got the feeling that Sora was being difficult on purpose.

"Could you explain what your other half is?"

"He's my darker half. My Nobody." Seeing that she would not get any more straight answers out of him, Quistis moved on to the next thing on her list.

"So about how long have you had this word salad problem?" Sora gave her a strange look.

"Caesar, garden, greek…"

"No, no," Quistis interrupted. "Not food salad. Word salad. It's a formal thought disorder. It causes people to have speech problem."

"Well that's a hard question. I've had an other for three years now, but he didn't start bugging me until over a month ago, so the answer is five days." Quistis had to re-run what he just said in her head before she said anything else.

"Five days?"

"Five days."

"I see…" She wrote that down on her clipboard. "And before that, you checked into the hospital for disabled vocal chords?"

"Yes."

"How do you suppose that happened?"

"He cut my throat."

"Who?"

"My other." This whole business with the 'other' was starting to confuse Quistis and lead her down paths with no exit signs. She decided she'd touch on that topic a little later when she understood Sora a little better.

According to the notes she had been forwarded by Galuf, Sora's condition was far worse than that of an average person suffering from PTSD. He had built-up delusions about being a 'Keyblade Master' and fighting off darkness. And now he had this formal thought disorder that was causing him to speak in riddles and disorganized sentences. But regardless of the severity of the problems, Quistis was confident that she could help him. Despite the hallucinations, he didn't seem all that far gone.

"Sora, are you aware that these visions you are having are not real?"

"Of course."

"And when you speak, you have a clear idea of what you want to say, but it comes out wrong?"

"Always." So Quistis was right. He wasn't that far gone.

"What's the most recent hallucination you've had?" Sora explained what he saw last night as best as he could, and worked his way backwards from there. He told her about the food and how he had to blindfold himself to eat. Quistis made a recommendation in her notes that Sora be put on a different drug that would allow him to eat without any problems.

"Tell me about Riku, the friend who dropped you off," Quistis suggested. Sora groaned and took interest in the floor. Quistis was patient, so she gave him a moment. Sora was counting the tiles on the floor. One, two, eight, twelve, blue, square…

"Not a wolf in sheep's skin…" he said at last. "He's my best friend." He sighed and looked up at Quistis. The blonde woman clasped her hands together the way that pleased doctors did every now and then.

"Could you describe him in two words?"

"Silver arrogant," Sora answered promptly. He rolled his eyes as if he just remembered a situation where Riku had been arrogant and… silver.

"Why do you think he brought you here?" Sora had been wondering that himself.

"I'm not sure."

"There are no right or wrong answers here."

"Why not dissect my brain and get it over with?"

"You seemed to have a pretty clear idea yesterday."

"He didn't want me around. Truth or deception, I don't know!"

"Before he suggested bringing you here, what did you think of him?"

Sora opened his mouth to reply, but had to stop and think. Riku had been nothing by kind, patient, and helpful towards Sora these past two months. He understood that Sora was going through a tough time. He was the only one who knew the truth. And he had to be remarkably strong in order to set aside his own grieving to help Sora cope with his. Now that he wasn't in the picture, Sora felt a little lost and alone, but not in an angsty way. He was used to being shielded and protected by Riku, but now that the older man wasn't around, Sora had to remember how to protect himself, the way he used to.

"He was my big brother," he answered at last. "Leagues beneath the seas now, don't talk about blood, but it's thicker than the water, right?" Sora examined his hands as he muttered nonsensical words.

"So you and him are close?"

"Most indubitably." Quistis nodded approvingly and checked her watch.

"Our time is up." The session was short, but her conclusion was that yes, Sora was severely mentally unstable, but he was curable. Sora rose from his chair. "I'll see you in a couple days for our next session."

Sora found Zell sitting with the usual group, which consisted of Lulu and Vincent now. No one was quite sure how it happened, but they were all sitting with one another for lunch and dinner. Zell had a highly infectious upbeat attitude that Lulu and Vincent couldn't help but get suckered into, despite their best efforts to maintain a gloomy atmosphere. Sora took his usual spot.

"So how'd your first session go?" Zell asked eagerly. "Isn't Quistis something else?"

"Something else…" Sora muttered.

"Ever since I started having sessions with her, I feel like I'm on the verge of uncovering something huge."

"Alone in the moonlight?"

"Cats?"

"Sure." Lulu was looking back and forth between the two, completely lost when trying to figure out their exchange of words. But for some reason, it was intriguing just listening. That's probably why she didn't mind them sitting around her.

"So she helping any yet?" Zell asked Sora. The brunette shrugged casually.

"Here and there, murkiness, I thought it's enough. Grains of sand blowing in the wind, not that song. Time, but it's got no eyes." Zell grinned widely. He loved it when Sora went on nonsensical rants.

"So what you're saying is 'Nothing yet, time will tell'?" he asked, hoping he was right. Sora nodded and Zell punched the air in victory. "Thought so."

"What a game," Sora noted with a smile. "Mad-gabs?"

"Whatever you wanna call it."

"It's a game?" Lulu piped up. Sora and Zell stared at her with slight surprise. She hardly ever spoke unless spoken to first.

"Sorta," Zell answered. "He talks weird, and I guess what he really means. I'm getting pretty good." Lulu's mouth formed an 'o' as she nodded in understanding.

"Can I try?" Sora shrugged.

"If inevitably allows it, fate will conspire." Lulu's face scrunched up into confusion.

"Sure?" she tried. Sora grinned and nodded.

"Right." It was kind of nice that people were making an effort to understand him, and it was also nice to get Lulu included in their fun.

"So do you always talk like that?"

"Yeah. Full sentences."

"For fun or because…"

"Formal thought disorder." Sora heard Quistis say that.

"How'd that happen?" Lulu had never been quite so curious in her life about another person.

"Demon with blonde hair and black sword. He's a bastard. Or am I?" Sora looked up thoughtfully. "My mind must be a boring place for him to stir up trouble. What a slum. He's to blame. I'm to blame." That time Lulu didn't catch most of what Sora said.

"Um…"

"I didn't understand that either," Zell reassured her. "I usually don't when he talks about this 'blonde' demon of his."

"It's probably a multiple personality," Vincent spoke up. "Sounds like he's the one causing all the damage. For what, revenge? You can't tell." Sora was amazed at Vincent's insight. Something told him the dark brooding man in red had gone through a similar experience like Sora's.

OOOoooOOO

A/N: I hope I'm not confusing you with Sora's wording. It's rather difficult actually coming up with stuff for him to say that sounds sufficiently mixed up. A note about the "Alone in the moonlight line", it sort of popped into my head when I was thinking of Zell uncovering memories, and I remembered the song "Memories" from the play Cats. It was random enough for Sora to say it. :P

As for the characters, Vincent is from FF7, Quistis is from FF8, and Zidane and Garnet are from FF9. I tried to keep their back-stories and personalities similar to their original story selves. Zidane is slight different personality wise, but he's from a tribe of people who steal, so I thought it'd be fitting to make him a klepto.


	9. Chapter 9: Trance Awake

A/N: The title of this chapter is a Lacuna Coil song. Also, in case it's not obvious, I'm having a hard time settling on an adequate summary for this story. If someone wants to suggest one in their review, I'd be greatly appreciative.

**Dementia**

Chapter 9: Trance Awake

_I remember a time_

_My frail, virgin mind  
Watched the crimson sunrise  
Imagined what it might find  
Life was filled with wonder_

Dream Theater

"Sora?" Sora looked up from his game of chess against Zell. Garnet, the bright-eyed nurse, was standing in the open doorway to their room, cheerfully trying to get Sora's attention. "You have a visitor in the lobby." Her expression suggested she knew who it was and was bursting to tell him, but was keeping quiet. Sora curiously got up, but not before turning one of his pawns into a king, to which Zell groaned.

It had been a week since Sora had arrived at the institute for his delusions and trauma. He was beginning to learn his way around fairly well. He was even making friends, if friends were what he could call them, considering they liked hanging with him but he was indifferent to their interaction. He was acting the way he did around the time Tidus and Wakka had come over for a visit back at the flat. He wasn't intentionally trying to be friendly, but for some reason, Zell, Lulu, and even Vincent were taking a liking to him. He had an unusual background, one that Zell and Lulu found fascinating, and one that Vincent could relate to. Still, Sora felt he'd rather be unresponsive than go through the horribly grotesque visions stage again. Granted, he still had the occasional daytime vision and his imagination had a tendency to recall the night of the accident every now and then, but the real problem was the nightmares. Roxas was finding a way past the medication-induced haziness and he was starting to make Sora's life a living hell again.

Sora looked around as he walked the hallways towards the lobby. Waiting in the lobby with a nervous face was none other than Riku, pacing back and forth. Sora brightened considerably when he saw him and didn't stop to think as he charged at the older man, knocking him down with a fierce hug. Seeing a familiar face like Riku's made Sora forget for a moment that he was in a hospital for crazy people, and even forget that he himself was among the crazy.

"Sheep cub!" he greeted happily as Riku attempted to peel him off.

"Uh, hey Sora!" the fallen man said. "You seem a lot better. How are you?"

"Deceptive of the ones you call help. Knowledge only gets strainer when asked." Sora shook his head, as if it would help rearrange his sentence. "Quistis is nice." Riku smiled weakly, trying to hide his disappointment that Sora was still pretty much the same.

"Um, that's good to hear."

After a few minutes, the two were sitting outside at a picnic table. Riku was looking around as if judging for himself if this place was worthy enough to have Sora.

"How are they treating you here?" he asked seriously. Not a minute had gone by that he didn't regret sending Sora away and he certainly felt lonely and guilty.

"Well enough," Sora replied casually. "Feels like college, 'cept no teachers, just doctors." Riku chuckled slightly.

"They're not pushing you around?"

"I'm a mountain. Or a landslide. Crumbling. Shattered mind. Lamp?" Riku cocked an eyebrow.

"And these sessions. They helping?"

"Word salad."

"Um…" He tried valiantly to decipher what that meant.

"You know, ceasar, greek, garden…" Riku moved on. He leaned in closer as if he was afraid of being overheard.

"Is Roxas still bothering you?" Sora's happy smile slipped away into a scared one.

"He can find me. Hidden with pills, but he's breaking through." Sora's voice had a hint of urgency. "Don't let him kill Zell! Zell's a good guy, he doesn't deserve that!" Riku put his hands on Sora's shoulders in a comforting way. "I can't sleep. He'll come again!"

"It's alright! It's fine! Just tell your doctor what you're telling me and they'll sort it out. Everything will be fine." Sora relaxed somewhat. "Any more visions of Kairi?"

"I miss her…" Sora grumbled, but his tone suggested he missed Kairi the way a kid missed his friends while at summer camp. "Haven't seen her for a while." Riku pursed his lips and decided to move away from the subject of Sora's problem.

"So tell me about your new friends."

"Vincent, the lab rat. Lulu, the scar girl. Zell, the boy with no past. And Zidane…" Sora paused, remembering he didn't like Zidane much. "Freaking klepto took my muffin!" Riku contained his amusement.

"You come up with those nicknames yourself?"

"I said them, right?" Sora suddenly looked nervous and unsure. "I said it, right? I didn't just imagine I said it?"

"You said it, don't worry." Riku checked his watch sadly. "I'm afraid I have to cut this visit off. I've got classes in an hour." Sora looked sour and disappointed as Riku stood to leave.

"You'll come back, right?" Riku gave him a determined look and nodded.

"I'll come back next week. Okay?" Sora sighed and nodded.

As Riku walked away, Sora called to him, "I don't blame you." Riku turned. "For sending me here." Sora smiled dimly. "I'll get better, I promise." Riku nodded quickly and walked briskly to the parking lot. He was sure if he spent another minute on the grounds, he'd breakdown and cry.

OOOoooOOO

"How are you feeling today?" asked Quistis as Sora settled into his usual chair. He was getting rather familiar with Quistis as the number of sessions he attended went up.

"Bricks. Gravity from a high drop," he answered. Quistis was becoming used to Sora's pattern of speech and didn't need to consult her notes to translate what he was saying anymore. For example, he basically just answered, 'Like crap'.

"That bad, huh?" Quistis made a note of it on her clipboard. "Is it the pills?"

"Drowsy pills, not sleeping pills," Sora pointed out. He was none too pleased about having his endless energy sapped.

"We'll see what we can do about it. And the nightmares?" She had been worried that eventually Sora's body would become immune to the medication because he was starting to complain about frequent visits from his "blonde demon". Now it looked like she was going to have to assign him some new medication or up his regular doses from one pill a night to two.

"He's there again." Sora shuddered. "He's learning. Feeling, moving, hurting. God, he's creepy. Clock tower phantom can't stop him, predict his motives, step up to the plate and murder. Give me my sword!" The last part he shouted at the ceiling. "You coward! Stop hiding!" He huffed and crossed his arms. "Give me my life." Quistis noted his outburst on her clipboard.

"If there were a way to appease him, would you do it?"

"An eye for an eye, a life for a life. He wants my life. Can't do it. Riku would be furious." She set aside her clipboard and stood up.

"Sora, I'd like to try something new today." Sora eyed her curiously. "It's a form of experimental hypnosis. I'd be putting your mind into a semi-state of sleep where your conscious and subconscious can interact and help one another figure things out. You'd be living out memories and dreams, but you'd be in complete control. You'd have the ability to move about freely, rewind and fast forward through memories and dreams. It's the method I've been using on Zell and we've made quite a bit of progress. For you, I want to determine the root of your problem and help you confront it without fear or doubt." She took a seat on the corner of her desk as she fiddled with her Newton's Cradle. "So what do you say? You up for it?" Sora looked at his hands.

"Bark like a chicken, cluck like a dog?" he asked.

"You needn't worry about me messing with your mind foolishly like that," Quistis reassured. "You're in more control than I am. I'll just be on the outside walking you through the first few steps and recording your progress." Sora paused another moment before he nodded. "Alright, I want you to lie down on the couch. That's it. Now close your eyes. I'm going to count backwards and when I reach zero, your mind will be in a relaxed state. Are you ready?" Sora nodded. "Good." Quistis plucked one silver ball from her Newton's Cradle and let it go. It clinked quietly against the others, causing the one on the other end to swing out.

"Ten… Your mind is getting hazy. You're feeling a little drowsy. Nine… You can feel your limps going numb. Eight… You're relaxing. Your eyes are like lead weights. Seven… Your mind is opening up to suggestion. Six… You're calm. Your subconscious is awakening. Five… Your subconscious and conscious are brought together. Four… You're entering a state of awareness and harmony. Three… You are completely relaxed. Your mind is wandering between sleep and awake. Two… Your conscious and subconscious have agreed to work together. You're entering a semi-sleep state. One… Nothing outside your mind matters except the sound of my voice. Zero." Quistis stopped the motion of the Newton's Cradle. The room was quiet. She knelt beside Sora's still form. "Sora, can you hear me?" He was quiet for a moment.

"Yes…" he whispered, barely audible.

"What can you see?" Sora's eyes could be seen moving around beneath his lids.

"Colours… Winds… Sound." Quistis smiled. It was working.

"Good. We'll start with something simple today to help you get the hang of this. Here's what I want you to do. I want you to bring up a memory. You're going to learn how to control your subconscious. Let's have you bring up your happiest moment ever. Can you think of that?"

"Happiest…" Sora murmured. He seemed to pause as he searched his brain for an appropriate memory. "I… just got back to the island. I was swimming to shore." A smile formed on Sora's face. Quistis made a note that his speech significantly improved when he was under hypnosis. "She's waiting for me!" Images appeared in Sora's mind. He pictured himself on the island where he returned from his battle in the World That Never Was. "Kairi…" Kairi's radiance glimmered from the beach where she was waiting and waving. Sora stumbled slighting in the dream-like landscape as he rushed forward to meet her. From behind her, Donald and Goofy ran forwards and knocked him down with hugs. He remembered laughing and feeling incredibly loved. But this was an odd experience.

"Tell me how you feel." Quistis had pulled up a chair next to Sora and prepared to write down everything and anything he said.

"I feel weird…" he whispered. "Like it's my memory, but I'm not really there. I'm just an observer."

"It comes from the semi-sleep state. You're having sort of an out-of-body experience. It's how you can control your subconscious. This is known as lucid dreaming for regular dreams. Try pausing the memory." Sora concentrated slightly and everything around him froze. He looked around. Donald and Goofy were just standing there. Sora looked over his shoulder at Riku and King Mickey, who was being held in mid-air by Riku.

"Cool…" Sora said as he walked forward slightly to poke the frozen Riku. He concentrated again and the memory played in reverse. Donald and Goofy ran backwards towards the beach. "Wow…"

"You have two options while in the dream-state," explained Quistis. "You can either be a passive observer, merely watching a replay of a dream or memory, or you can be an active role where you're reliving a dream or memory. Be aware, this is only a memory. You can't change anything that happens or has happened because while in this semi-sleep stage, your mind is producing only true images." Sora believed he understood. He allowed his mind to play the memory out properly as he observed from the side. He watched his past self run through the waters towards Kairi before being mauled by his ecstatic friends. He took a moment to walk around Kairi as she gazed out to sea at the memory Sora. She looked so joyful. Sora felt his heart swell with happiness.

Suddenly, his mind was filled agony. He grabbed his head and dropped to his knees. The memory vanished around him. Quistis jumped slightly when Sora flinched and clutched his head in pain. He could feel himself losing control of his faculty. It was like a painful tug of war and he was on the losing side. Suddenly, he opened his eyes, but they were devoid of any compassion or kindness that Sora contained. These eyes pierced Quistis' soul and made her shiver.

"Think you can save him?" Sora demanded in a voice that was not his own. "This one's not yours! Back off!" He sat up rapidly, causing Quistis to back up in fear. "Touch the fire and you'll get burned. Don't want to end up like Kairi, do we?" And just as fast as he changed, Sora fell back against the couch and closed his eyes. He shook his head slightly and opened his eyes again slowly. Quistis was clutching her clipboard tightly, her face drained of color and her heart racing. Sora looked around, confused.

"What happened…?" he asked, fearful of the answer. Quistis took a deep breath as she calmed herself.

"Another personality," she answered as evenly as possible. "A threatening one…" Sora bit his lip.

"I'm sorry if he said anything…" He clenched his eyes shut. He couldn't believe this was happening. Roxas was trying to find another way through him. But what could he accomplish by doing that?

Quistis licked her lips nervously. It wasn't like this was the first time she had been threatened by a patient, but it was just that she'd never expected it from Sora of all people. She quickly found enough sense to write down her findings of a multiple personality disorder and stood.

"I think we can discontinue today's session," she attempted to say as kindly as possible. "You made a bit of progress with the semi-sleep state. I think we should continue with that on a later date."

OOOoooOOO

In the days that followed the hypnosis incident, Sora's medication prescription had been modified under the advice of Quistis and he was given a stronger sedative-like pill every night to suppress his REM stage of sleep, completely bypassing the dreaming stage and thus, avoiding Roxas all together. The side effects were stronger than before, since now his body was getting too much sleep. He rarely spoke to anyone and hardly left his room. He spent any free time he had lying in bed, counting the tiles on the ceiling and attempting to ignore the whispering voices and music in his head. Luckily, Roxas made no further attempts to hijack his body, but just to be safe, Quistis held off on doing another hypnosis session for a couple days.

She continued with the interpretation of the "blonde demon" as a second personality. She also came to the conclusion that he was the root of Sora's problem, beyond the fact that, as far as she knew, Sora had been witness to the dead body of a girl he cared about. She went through the notes she had been given by Dr. Galuf Doe, trying to see if this Roxas had turned up anywhere else and read about Sora's delusional tales in other worlds. She had to admit, the boy had quite an imagination. It was sad, in a way, that he honestly believed the things he told Galuf. The boy Roxas was nothing more than a multiple personality created by Sora's conscious as a way to cope with the lose of a dear friend, and it was also the guilt of not being able to save her or be there for her, manifested into a person. That was Quistis' professional opinion on that matter. However, after the next few hypnosis sessions with Sora, her opinion changed drastically.

It was rather gloomy outside the day of the session in question. The forecast called for clouds and showers in the late afternoon. Quistis' perpetual motion bird was oddly still that day when Sora walked in for his regularly scheduled appointment. Quistis herself wore a very serious expression on her face.

"Hello Sora," she greeted. "How are you feeling?"

"Why do you always ask?" Sora grumbled, lying down on the couch. "You already know."

"I just like to hear it from you." She stood and walked around to the front of her desk, setting her plastic bird into motion. "I think you're ready for something big. I think it's time to go back to the night of the accident." Sora held his breath, staring at nothing in particular as his heart rate increased.

"No," he stated firmly.

"Sora, we need to confront this problem. Remember what I said about being in control? You needn't worry about your memory turning on you."

"It's already turned. Turned round and round, spherical. It's come back, it's harmed me time and again. No."

"You can't keep running from the past. Sooner or later, you're going to have to deal with it. Wouldn't you rather be the one with the power over the memory instead of the other way around?" Sora considered her words. She was right, he knew it, but he was afraid of a great deal of things. He was afraid of seeing Kairi again. He was afraid of reliving the worst night of his life. He was afraid of seeing his guilt and of what Quistis would think if she found out the truth. But most of all, he was afraid that after reliving the horrible experience, the root of his problem may not lie there and he had to endure the pain for nothing. He was afraid of finding absolutely nothing at all that could help him.

Sora was about to protest again, but he remembered something Riku told him before he came to the hospital.

"_You have to trust me. Please let them help you."_

Any argument Sora was about to put out died on his lips. He closed his eyes momentarily and opened them to look at Quistis.

"Fine. Let's do this." The blonde doctor smiled gratefully. The first of many raindrops splattered against the window.

Quistis walked Sora through the first few steps to ease his mind into the semi-sleep stage. Once he was properly relaxed, she said, "I want you to bring up the memory of the night of the accident." She saw his eyelids flinch at the thought, but he relaxed again. "Go back three hours before you found Kairi. Tell me where you are."

"I'm… in the living room," Sora said in a quiet voice. Quistis frowned. Something wasn't right, but she couldn't put her finger on it. "I'm doing some homework - an essay on the economic effects of entrepreneurs."

"And then?"

"I'm… getting ready for bed. Riku's proofreading my essay."

"Where's Kairi?"

"At the beach. She was watching the sunset." Quistis' frown deepened.

"Sora, are you sure this is the right memory?"

"Positive." Something definitely wasn't right.

"Fast forward an hour. What are you doing now?"

"Sleeping. Dreaming."

"About what?"

"About being Roxas. He tried to kill Riku." Sora's face flickered with fear. "I can't stop him. He's gonna kill Riku!"

"Sora, you're in control! Take control!" She watched his face relax.

"I paused it." Quistis breathed a sigh of relief. The last thing she wanted was for Sora to have a panic attack.

"Skip ahead to when you discovered Kairi's body." Sora struggled for a moment. Images flashed into his mind. He was standing in the doorway to his room.

"I didn't know how many towels to get, so I just brought them all…" he murmured aloud, repeating what he said the night of the accident.

"Take an observer point of view," Quistis instructed. "What do you see?"

"Blood. Riku is holding her. She's dead. I…" Sora turned his head, his eyes still closed. "I feel sick." He clenched his fist tightly. "I couldn't save her. I tried, but it wasn't working."

"You found her when she was still alive?"

"I was there when she was killed." She was rather confused by this set of events. According to the police record filed by the officers who were called in, the story given by Riku and Sora was that the two men were out late and when they got home, they discovered Kairi dead in Sora's room, the victim of a break-in. But Quistis was being given a very different story by Sora himself. She knew he couldn't be lying because when she used this hypnosis technique on patients, they could only recall true events and dreams, not things their mind made up. Usually, patients were able to tell the difference between a dream and a memory. Clearly something was off.

Inside Sora's mind, he watched from the side of the room as his memory self stood in the doorway to his room, dumbstruck, while Riku cradled Kairi's lifeless body, sobbing hard. He forced his stomach to settle down, reminding himself that he was in control and this wasn't real, it was just a replay. He paused the memory and waited for further instructions from Quistis.

"Sora…" she said slowly, almost afraid to ask the question. She had a pretty good idea of what the answer would be, but she refused to believe it until she heard it from Sora's mouth. "Do you know who killed Kairi?" Sora was silent for a full minute.

"Yes…" he whispered.

"Who killed her?" Again, he hesitated. Quistis was silently praying she was wrong. She was hoping that Sora's delusions were nothing more than that – delusions. And Sora's answer shattered her hopes.

"I did."

"…" The rain and wind outside got heavier, rattling the windows slightly. If it were possible, Quistis' jaw would have hit the floor. "How did it happen?" She heard a barely audible whimper escape Sora's lips, as if it pained him to recall this event.

"I was dreaming. I tried to stop myself from killing Riku in the dream. I… woke up with my Keyblade drawn." As he spoke, the images coinciding with his narration appeared in his mind's eye. "Kairi was standing beside my bed, impaled on the Keyblade." He blocked out the sound of Kairi's blood tricking down the edge of the Oathkeeper onto the carpet.

"So it was an accident?" She didn't know if she should believe this or not. But how could she not? This was a true memory. There was no other way to explain it. Her hypnosis technique didn't bring up false realities. Everything that Sora had told Galuf regarding the night Kairi died was true. He really was responsible!

"Yes…" In Sora's mind, he was standing above his memory self, who was holding Kairi. "She fell to the floor, so I got down beside her and held her." And then he saw it; her lips moved. Before he could lean forward to listen to what she had to say, he was decked from the side. He looked up to see Roxas brandishing the Oblivion. Sora rolled out of the way in time just as Roxas smashed the blade down on the carpet. Sora's heart was racing. "He's here!"

"Who?" From within his mind, Quistis' voice sounded distant. Sora roll-dodged again. His hands tingled with magic, but he was unable to draw any of it out, meaning summoning his Keyblade was out of the question.

"Roxas! He wasn't here the first time around! But he's attacking me, right now!"

"Remember, Sora, it's all about control." Quistis was quickly getting over the shock of the truth and returning to her doctor mode. "You control this memory, not him. Force him out!" Sora concentrated and Roxas' form dissolved like grains of sand. Catching his breath, Sora glanced back at Kairi, but she had stopped speaking and was back to coughing. He had missed it. Concentrating again, he put up something like a barrier around this single memory to keep Roxas out. He wasn't sure how well it would hold up, but he could sense he was on to something and he didn't want any more interruptions.

He walked over to Kairi, kneeling beside her and rewinding the memory. He reached the part where she opened her lips to speak, but no sound came out, only white noise. Sora frowned and rewound the memory again. It came back with the same result. It definitely wasn't natural. It wasn't the same as someone losing their voice, it was like someone was intentionally blocking specifically Kairi's voice alone.

"Kairi's trying to say something," Sora explained out loud. "I can't hear her." Quistis pondered this.

"That could be the missing link you've needed this whole time." Sora pursed his lips. He wasn't about to come out of this empty handed. He focused in on Kairi's lips, trying to force some sound out. Her form became obscured and fuzzy for a moment. Voices in the background signaled that Roxas was drawing near. Sora focused harder. He was determined to uncover this memory before he woke up and he didn't have much time before Roxas arrived to deal his mind some more damage.

Kairi's form became distorted. Sora clenched his teeth. He was close, he knew it. He didn't bother to wipe the blood off his face as his nose began to bleed from forcing his brain to play back the memory over and over again. Her hair flickered blonde.

_Almost there…_

Then her clothes went white. Now lying in the memory Sora's arms was Naminé. She turned her eyes to the real Sora and whispered something garbled, but Sora did his best to repeat it out loud for Quistis to record.

"Yehk woh sih nethfeervet," Sora repeated phonetically. "Yehk woh tsih." Suddenly, he began shaking. It was too much for his mind to handle.

On the outside, Quistis quickly wrote down the phonetic version of what Sora said and looked up in time to see Sora beginning to go into a seizure.

"When I snap my fingers, you'll wake up!" she said quickly and snapped her fingers. Sora's shaking subsided and he relaxed, opening his eyes. They sat in silence over the new revelations uncovered during the last half hour. Both were breathing deeply. Quistis broke the silence by laughing nervously. "Didn't I warn you about forcing your recovery?" She handed him a box of tissues from her desk so he could wipe the blood from his nose and top lip. The rain outside calmed down to a light patter.

So Quistis had learned the truth. Sora really was the one behind Kairi's death. But he didn't do it intentionally. It was clear enough now that his condition was a result of guilt and mental trauma from taking the life of a close friend. But what to do about it, she didn't know. The first thing would have been to contact local authorities, but she struck that right off the list instantly. She knew that involving police at this point was pointless and harmful to Sora's recovering psyche. She was a doctor first and foremost, and her duty was to help people in need. Sora was clearly in need, so calling the cops on him was the last thing Quistis would ever do.

She made up her mind that she'd keep quiet about this. In the meantime, they had discovered what potentially could be a blocked memory due to Sora's PTSD. Whatever Kairi had said that night might hold the key to helping Sora recover. Quistis made it her number one priority to unlock that blocked memory for Sora's sake.

"You made good progress today," she announced. Sora tilted his head towards her, surprised she wasn't backing away screaming, 'Murderer!' "Now we know there's something missing from your memory. Let's work towards getting it out."

"What about…" He was afraid of pushing his luck. "Blood on my hands that won't wash off. You… see?"

"Sora, you're my patient," Quistis explained gently. "And I'd like to think you're my friend as well. You're here to get help. There will be no calling of authorities to take you away. They'll never give you the help you need." She clasped her hands and leaned forward on her chair. "Let's just keep this whole Kairi business between you and me, alright? Patient confidentiality." She winked as she stood up. "I'll see you in two days for our next appointment." Sora took a deep breath and nodded. Never was he so glad to have someone like Quistis on his side right now.

OOOoooOOO

A/N: So how 'bout that? Quistis knows the truth:o Just so you know, she still doesn't believe in the whole business with the Keyblade and Heartless, but she knows that Sora accidentally killed Kairi and she's not going to turn him in:D

I just wanna thank all the new reviewers on board here. It's good that I'm getting some diverse opinions from people who have gone through PTSD themselves and it's nice to know I'm going down the right track here and not screwing up the symptoms. So thanks! Cookies for everyone!

SPOILER WARNING: If you want to know what Naminé is saying and you happen to have a microphone, record yourself speaking what Sora said phonetically. Pronounce the words exactly as they are spelled (no need for an accent, until you happen to have one regardless :P) and then…. …reverse it. The result should be a creepy version of a phrase (I'm not going to say what). You can either do that or simply wait until the story's last chapter. :D


	10. Chapter 10: Manic Cure

**Dementia**

Chapter 10: Manic Cure

"I'm sorry, we're fresh out of hot dogs."

"WHAT?" Zell stomped his foot in frustration. "That's the third time this week! My god, lady!"

"Next time, show up early," the patient cafeteria lady said. Zell scowled as Sora stared at the ceiling. The brunette was doing his regular counting of the tiles, waiting for Zell to get their food. As it was, Sora was getting better with food. He could now eat without the need of his blindfold. If he concentrated hard enough, the visions would stay away. Then again, maybe it was the drugs that the hospital kept him on.

Zell's eyes scanned the desserts. "Well what about that, then?" he asked, pointing at a cake slice.

"Strawberry shortcake," explained the café lady.

"I'll take it." Zell took the slice from the woman's offering hand and smiled a thanks as he turned to go sit at his regular table with the rest. Lulu turned her nose up at the offending cake. "What, not a fan, are we?"

"I hate cheesecake," she sniffed.

"Well, personally, I've never tried it." Zell took a seat as Sora poked at his own apple pie.

"Cheddar layer," he grumbled. It was the first thing he thought of when he heard the word 'cheesecake'.

"That's right, boy!" Zell said excitedly, the way a man spoke to his dog. "Do Sowa want a tweet? Do ickle wittle Sowa-kins want a ickle wittle tweet?" Sora playfully batted away the blonde boy's hands. Lulu rolled her eyes at their interaction, although deep down, she found it rather amusing to watch.

"What do you have against cheesecake anyway?" Vincent asked Lulu quietly. She blushed, shrugging.

"My mother tried to get me to try it once…" she said in a low voice. Vincent studied her expression over the top of his book. "I just found the combination of fruit and cheese to be unnatural." He chuckled.

"Same." He set his book aside and leaned forward until he was a few inches from her ear. "But sometimes, a strange combination can lead to something interesting." For some reason, his deep voice set shivers down her spine. Zell and Sora pretended not to notice their interaction.

"So how's therapy going?" Zell asked Sora casually as he slipped a fork of cake into his mouth.

"More or less, less or more," Sora answered. He opened his mouth to continue, but noticed Zell pause. The blonde was chewing slowly, his eyes frozen on the slice of cake on his plate. Within seconds, his face flushed red. "Zell…?" He was unnaturally still, considering the endless amount of energy he normally had. Even Lulu and Vincent looked concerned at his lack of movement and his reddening face. He slowly reached for his throat, as if he were about to clear it. Just as Sora was about to give him a good shake, Zell suddenly pushed away from the table, holding his neck in a vice grip. He was opening his mouth, as if trying to take a deep breath but was unable to, and he collapsed onto the floor. Lulu and Sora dropped to the floor next to him, holding him up as he trashed about, desperately trying to breathe, while Vincent put aside his book and rushed off to find a doctor.

"Somebody help!" Lulu cried. A few nurses came rushing into the room; among them was Garnet and Quistis, who Vincent had found.

"What's going on?" Garnet asked quickly. Lulu shot a glare at the cheesecake.

"He was eating, and then he turned red," she did her best to explain. "He said he never tried it before. It must be an allergic reaction!" She looked back at Zell, whose face was now a deep shade of red, bordering on purple. He had one hand wrapped around his neck while the other was clinging to Sora's shirt. A small crowd of people formed a circle around them. Garnet immediately began performing CPR while some of the higher rank nurses barked orders at each other. It was complete and total pandemonium.

Sora couldn't speak. This scene felt all too familiar. Dully in the background he could here the voices of the nurses float past his ears.

"He's going into anaphylactic shock!"

"Go get a shot of epinephrine from the medical wing!"

"It's too late!"

"Steady his breathing!"

"He's _not_ breathing!"

The hand clinging to Sora's shirt was cold. Its icy touch snapped Sora out of his stupor long enough to regain control of the situation.

"Everyone, back up!" he ordered. The nurses were shocked at his request. Quistis was intrigued slightly. They were about to protest when Lulu shoved a few of them back and nodded at Sora. He placed his hands on Zell's still chest. "Heal!" Soft green light flooded from his hands as another bright golden light encompassed both Sora and Zell. A few of the nurses gasped in surprise. The audience witnessing the event were in shock.

When the light died down, Zell's hand dropped from Sora's shirt. The brunette sat back, waiting for some sign of life. Zell's eyes were closed and his chest was motionless. Quistis put a hand to her mouth in grief as Garnet let out a tiny whimper. All hope died inside Sora.

He had failed again.

With hands shaking, Lulu reached forward to put her fingers on Zell's neck to check for a pulse. Just as Sora was about to give up in defeat, _Zell sat up_, coughing violently, causing many of the people in the assembled group to jump with surprise. Garnet squealed in delight and hugged the nearest person to her, who happened to be a none-too-happy-to-be-hugged Vincent, while Quistis let out a sigh of relief and Lulu's shoulders sagged as the tension in the room faded.

Once Zell's coughing subsided, he lay back down on the floor, taking deep breaths, looking around at all the faces surrounding him.

"What just happened?" he asked in a shuddering voice. Everyone was very quiet, as if they were trying to figure out for themselves what they had just witnessed. Sora didn't hear the question. He felt like someone has just stuffed cotton in his ears. Quistis leaned forward to brush loose hairs out of Zell's face.

"You just had an allergic reaction," she explained. "Probably to the strawberries on that cheesecake. It's likely you didn't remember you were allergic to them because of your amnesia." She quickly glanced at Sora, who was still in shock over what just happened. "Sora saved your life." Many eyes turned to Sora, include Zell's.

"It was miracle," Garnet whispered. Zell grinned weakly, attempting to sit up to thank Sora properly.

"I knew there was a reason I kept you around," he joked, clearing his throat slightly. Sora didn't respond. "I don't know how I can ever thank you." Zell blinked a few times and looked at Quistis. "You know how some folks say their life flashes before their eyes when they're about to die?" The blonde doctor nodded. "I think mine just did, 'cept…" Zell looked at his hands, searching for the right word. "They were new memories. Ones I've never seen before." Quistis' eyes lit up like a Christmas tree. "I remember being chased by these black shadow things. Someone was yelling at me to run." Zell had a faraway look on his face as he recounted what he saw. "There was a man protecting me. He had brown hair and a scar across his face. He was shooting at the shadow with this great gun thing with a blade attached, but the bullets weren't working." Sora's head snapped up. He knew instantly whom Zell was talking about.

_Squall._

"The ground started breaking up and…" Zell looked up. "I blacked out and woke up here." Sora was about to speak up when a few of the nurses helped Zell to his feet and carried him away to the medical wing. He moved to follow, but Quistis stepped in his path.

"A word, please?" she asked, point to the hall that lead to her office. Sora numbly followed her. Once they were out of earshot of anyone else, she turned to Sora with a look of understanding and newfound knowledge. "So it was true. Everything you told Galuf about the princesses and the darkness. It was all true." She looked like she wanted to kick herself. Sora simply nodded. "I'm sorry I didn't believe you, but you have to understand…"

"I'm crazy," Sora interrupted. "I know."

"No, Sora, you're not. If everything you've told Galuf and I about the Heartless and Nobodies is true, then that means we're on a whole different playing field here. This means that the cause of your delusions and anxiety might be the result of something supernatural." She paused as she paced the room with her hands covering the lower half of her face. There was so much swimming through her head at the moment that she couldn't get her thoughts straight. "If only I had a better understanding of the nature of these Heartless and Nobodies, I might be able to determine the source and solution to this." Sora thought about that for a moment.

"Ansem reports," he blurted out. Quistis stopped her pacing.

"What?" She went to her desk to retrieve her notes on Sora and flipped through the pages. "Ansem… Are we talking about Ansem the Wise or the Heartless?"

"Yes." Quistis pursed her lips.

"Both?"

"Yes."

"What are the reports about? The Heartless and Nobodies?"

"Yes."

"And these reports, where can I find them?"

"Y-" Sora stopped himself, realizing she wasn't asking a yes or no question. "My place." He struggled hard to remember exactly where he put the documents. He had found quite a lot of things while on his adventures. About two thirds of his munny, he had donated to the Restoration Committee at Radiant Garden, his synthesis items he had given to the Moogles, and half his items he gave to various worlds who needed it. But the important stuff, such as his Keyblade chains and the Ansem Reports, he kept stored somewhere. "In my… desk! Desk, second drawer down." Quistis was already on the phone.

"Hello?" she said into the receiver. "Is this Riku? Hello, my name is Dr. Quistis Trepe of the Destiny Psychiatric Hospital… No, everything's fine! Sora's fine! Actually, we've made a slight discovery and we need some documents from your home that could help me understand some things about his past…." Sora shifted from foot to foot. "Yes, I'm looking for some files called the Ansem Reports. Sora says it's in his desk, second drawer down… You found them? Great! Would you be able to bring them at the earliest convenience?" Quistis made humming noise. "No, I understand… I know what happened, and it's fine… About the accident… Yes, I realize it was an accident… Of course not. I figured what good would the police do? …Exactly." She sighed as if remembering something grand. "He saved the life of another patient here. Used a healing spell or something… I see." She smiled. Sora got bored and took a seat. "Alright, see you then. Goodbye." She hung up the phone.

"Sheep cub is coming?" Sora asked tiredly. Quistis nodded. Sora pulled his knees to his chest.

"Is everything alright?" she asked him, noticing his withdrawn appearance.

"No." He felt his heart aching. "Divine intervention, they say, yet I have bloodied hands." Sora couldn't understand something. Today he had just saved the life of someone who was at the brink of death. He used the same spell that had failed to revive Kairi. He couldn't understand why it worked on Zell and yet failed miserably on Kairi. He didn't know what he should be feeling. He was in such a cloud of confusion. "Zell lived, but Kairi didn't." He tightened his grip on his knees.

"Perhaps it was fate," Quistis said quietly. Sora looked at her with an expression that said 'Explain.' She thought up her words before she said them so as not to offend or hurt Sora's feelings. "I'm not saying it was a good thing to lose your friend, but if you didn't come here, no one would have been able to save Zell's life. He was going to eat that cheesecake sooner or later, but you were there to save him." Sora frowned.

"What kind of a god would favor one life over another?" he demanded. He pushed out of his chair and left the room in a huff. Quistis sighed sadly. She hadn't meant it like that.

OOOoooOOO

Riku looked around curiously as he walked through the doorway of the mental clinic. Somehow, he expected to see Sora waiting for him, but no one was in sight, save the one nurse who always seemed to be working the front counter. He approached her with a friendly smile.

"Hello, um, Dr. Trepe asked me to drop these off," he explained, holding up the bundle of papers and journal entries bound together with paper clips and a loosely tied leather strap. He had taken the liberty of bringing along all the journals that Jiminy Cricket had documented throughout Sora's adventures in case it helped any. "Do you know… Is Sora around?" The nurse's cheerful smile faltered.

"Sora doesn't wish to be disturbed at the moment," she explained. Riku felt like scoffing.

"Did you tell him I was coming?" The nurse's smile disappeared completely, replaced with a look of pity.

"He says he especially doesn't want to see you." She took the offered bundle of papers from the shocked Riku's hands. "I'm sorry."

"Did he say why?" he asked desperately. The nurse shook her head sadly.

"He murmured something about feeling shameful about something, but he wouldn't explain why." Riku could scarcely believe the words he was hearing.

"I'd like to see him anyway, if it's all the same to you. Which room is he in?" The nurse pursed her lips reluctantly.

"I'm not at liberty to tell you that information. I'm sorry."

"Don't give me that," Riku said with a sigh. "C'mon, clearly something's wrong and he needs a friend right now."

"I'm sorry," the nurse repeated. "I could lose my job if I don't adhere to a patient's wishes." Riku huffed impatiently and looked around.

"Is there someone else I can talk to?" The nurse nodded and got on the intercom, paging Quistis. Within a few minutes, Quistis arrived, looking back and forth between a nervous Nurse Garnet and a rather irritated Riku.

"What's going on?" she asked.

"I'd like to visit Sora," Riku explained in a calm yet strained voice.

"He's not taking visitors right now." Riku crossed his arms, preparing to get nasty if need be.

"I'm his best friend. Christ, I'm practically his brother! Why won't he see me?" Quistis quickly glanced at Garnet and led Riku out of the lobby into front drive way.

"He's having a psychological break down because the incident with Zell," she explained in a hushed voice. "Apparently the healing spell he used on Zell was the same one he used on Kairi. His mind doesn't know how to take it, so he's become withdrawn." Riku stared with his mouth slightly open.

"So you think… he's feeling more guilty that he saved someone's life, but couldn't save Kairi's?" he asked, trying to wrap his head around the situation.

"It's possible. Perhaps he's feeling he let her down even more. Perhaps he thinks he didn't put enough effort into the healing spell the first time." Quistis held the bridge of her nose. "He won't talk to me or anyone else, so I can't clearly tell what's wrong or what he's thinking. I think his mind just needs time to overcome this and it's in a very vulnerable state at the moment, so it's probably best if you let him be." Riku took a deep breath and nodded in understanding.

"Could you give me a call as soon as his condition improves?"

"You'll be the first to know." It hurt like hell to just turn his back and walk away, but that's what he had to do for Sora's sake. Riku didn't look back for fear of running back into the building and demanding to see Sora anyway. Time, he told himself, was what Sora needed right now.

OOOoooOOO

For two days, Sora didn't say a word. Zell was staying in the medical wing for observation, so Sora had time to gather his thoughts and accept the newest turn of events. Meanwhile, Quistis went over the notes that Riku had dropped off. After going through them all, she had a better understanding of the nature of the Heartless and Nobodies. She also had a better understanding of what Roxas had gone through and she recognized that he was a separate entity living in Sora's mind, rather than a multiple personality. She decided to revamp her hypnosis technique to include the new information she had absorbed. It was quite a lot for her to take in, accepting that magic existed and there really were other worlds out there, and if she hadn't witnessed Sora perform the healing spell on Zell with her own eyes, she would have never believed it. But she knew she couldn't deny it. The facts added up now that she knew everything.

On the third day after the incident with the cheesecake, Sora emerged from his room ready to face the world again. In the end, he came to the conclusion that shit happens, and maybe he just got lucky. It was an odd perspective on the situation, but it was just to keep his mind together. He had an appointment with Quistis and he actually _wanted_ to attend it. So at 10 o'clock sharp, Quistis was rather surprised that she received a knock at her office door. She hadn't expected Sora to come to his appointment at all.

"Come in," she said. Sora shyly poked his head into the room, scratching the back of his head.

"Bad time?" he asked. Quistis smiled broadly, happy to see he was out and about.

"Not at all," she replied, gesturing to the empty chairs before her desk. Sora managed a weak smile and took a seat. Quistis eyed him over the rim of her glasses with a bemused sort of smile. She sensed he wanted to talk first, so she sat back and allowed him a moment to collect his thoughts. Sora was wringing his fingers together in a nervous fashion while absentmindedly chewing on his bottom lip. Finally he looked up.

"What did you learn?" he asked, curious to hear Quistis' opinion on his adventures. She was rather taken aback by the question. She hadn't really expected that of all things to play a concern on Sora's mind.

"I learned that you're a very brave young man," she began, leaning forward and resting her elbows on her desk. "And that if the world every knew the deeds you did while you were away, you'd be glorified. Why'd you keep quiet about everything? Even some of your closest friends don't know about what you did while you, Kairi, and Riku were gone. You're heroes!"

"Exactly," Sora muttered. "Can't deal with stress, where angels fear to tread. Alone, yet awake, surrounded, and confronted. Too much."

"You think there'd be pressure from others? That you'd get celebrity treatment and constantly hounded?" Sora nodded. "I see. That's understandable." Quistis removed her glasses and pulled a napkin from her pocket to clean the lens. "You want to know what else I learned?" Sora tilted his head to the side curiously. "Your mind is far stronger than you give yourself credit for."

"How so?"

"A boy in your position with a weak mind would have cracked under the pressure of being the Keyblade Master a _long_ time ago, and yet it took the accidental death of your closest friend for you to break. You are not weak, Sora." Sora wasn't sure how he should respond to that, but he did know he felt the tiniest bit encouraged by her words and that was something. Quistis replaced her glasses on her nose and pulled out Sora's file, which was getting thicker by the day. "Let's get down to business, shall we?"

"Up to par," Sora mumbled.

"I think we should focus on bringing up memories of Kairi. I'd like to understand what kind of person she was so it'll be easier to figure out what she might've said before she died." She went through the steps of getting Sora into a semi-sleep state and began guiding him through his memories. "I want you to bring up the incident when you revived Kairi after she went into a coma."

"Missing heart," Sora corrected quietly. His eyes moved beneath his lids and images appeared in his mind. He was standing in Hollow Bastion just before the doorway to Kingdom Hearts was complete. He felt his limbs move with a will of their own as he reenacted the memory. "I remember figuring out how to wake her up. I had to unlock my heart to release hers."

"And how did her heart end up within you in the first place?" Quistis asked, still trying to wrap her head around the concept that one could lose their heart and still be alive.

"I can't remember exactly, but the night the island disappeared, she…" Sora's mind flashed briefly to the incident in question. "She passed right through me." It wasn't much of an explanation, but it was all Sora could do. Back in Hollow Bastion, he felt his legs walk towards the fake Keyblade that Riku had been given and he picked it up. He positioned it where his heart was, ignoring the cries of Donald and Goofy. "I unlocked my heart by…" He felt a pain in his chest, both from recalling the memory as the Keyblade pierced his heart, and from remembering Kairi's death. "I killed myself." His vision blurred.

"You died?" He saw several sparkles of light retreat from his falling body. He could feel his form disappearing as his own heart vanished from his sight. And then, nothing. He saw absolutely nothing.

"Um… not quite. I fell into darkness." Suddenly, Sora felt torn. He was being pulled into two different directions. One was the darkness that led to the inevitable Heartless transformation he went through, and the other direction was towards a gray light. He explained his feelings to Quistis. She became intrigued.

"Try going down the path less traveled. Take the path that seems least familiar." Sora followed her instructions and went towards the grayish light. He felt his form returning and he opened his eyes. His surroundings were both new and familiar. It certainly wasn't Hallow Bastion; he knew that for sure. "Where are you, Sora?"

"I dunno… This isn't my memory." But at the same time, he knew it was his. It wouldn't be in his head if it weren't his memory. He looked around. And it came rushing to him where he was. He was in the City that Never Was. And as quickly as that revelation came, he was flooded full of emotions that didn't belong to him. He was terrified, confused, angry, happy, surprised, everything possibly fathomable, and he couldn't understand why. Then, they were gone. All the emotions just vanished into thin air and he was left feeling somewhat hallow and empty, devoid of anything that made him feel human. Curiosity got the best of him, so he paused the memory and assumed an observer point of view to see whose body he was just controlling.

Lying on the pavement was Roxas.

Sora nearly jumped back before he remembered the memory was paused. He realized that the path he chose to go down was Roxas' and that the moment he felt torn earlier was the moment Roxas was created. He was starting to understand what was happening.

"Sora?" Quistis called, worried because he hadn't spoken in a few minutes. "Sora, what's going on?"

"It was Roxas' memory," Sora explained. "The path I chose was Roxas'." He did his best to explain the rush of emotions he felt. "I think I get it. When a Nobody is created, they retain their emotions for a split second, and then it all disappears." Quistis quickly scribbled down these latest findings.

"So you think that's how Nobodies are able to fake their emotions? Because they have a brief recollection of what feelings were like?"

"Possibly. You tell me." Quistis sensed a challenge in his voice. She would have gladly accepted it, but her knowledge concerning Nobodies was still limited.

"I think in order to better understand your problem, we should now focus on Roxas' memories. I get the feelings he's the one behind everything. I just can't figure out how or why."

After the session was done, Sora met up with his friends in the common area. Zell broke into a wide grin, happy to see his "eccentric little friend" after days of being monitored in the hospital wing.

"Sora, buddy! How's it going?" he greeted, patting Sora over the back as the brunette took a seat.

"It's not leaving," he replied. "Where?"

"It what?"

"Going."

"Ah."

Lulu let out a frustrated huff. "I'm lost!" she cried in defeat. She wasn't very good at Sora-Mad-Gabs. The two young men smiled apologetically at her. "Anyway, I was just offering to let Zell go through my photo album, since he's convinced I was an angry child when I was little. You wanna come with us, Sora?" Sora had never seen the inside of Lulu's room, but he somehow pictured it as a dark vampire-like cellar with lots of velvet, chains, and assorted black netting covering the walls and bed. She didn't have a roommate, so she could have potentially decorated the room however she liked. So, naturally, out of curiosity, he accepted Lulu's offer.

For the record, her room was about as normal as they come. Sora almost felt disappointed.

Lulu reached under her bed and pulled out a dusty box. From within, she took out a black cover photo album and opened to the first page. On the first page were three photos of a newborn baby girl with thin dark hair.

"That's me, by the way," Lulu pointed out. "Just in case you couldn't figure out for yourselves." Zell made a long cooing noise, to which Lulu cringed at.

"You're sooo cute!" he said in a babyish voice.

"You're sooo annoying!" Lulu replied in an equally babyish voice. She flipped to the next page, which had a few photos of her when she was a toddler. Sora cracked a smile at one photo where a young Lulu had paint all over her hands. She flipped through a few more pages, each photo showing her at a slightly older stage. She definitely used to smile a lot more when she was younger. As the photos entered her teen years, there were deliberate gaps between photos, obvious gaps. Lulu made no comment about them.

Finally, Zell spoke up about the gaps, "You know, it looks like some photos are missing here…" Lulu froze and it appeared as though she might've frowned, but she suddenly brightened considerably and smiled.

"I'm not sure…" she said sweetly. "I guess I lost them a while ago, I didn't even notice." Zell made a questioning face, but didn't press any further. As she continued to go through the album with Zell, Sora's eyes wandered around the seemingly plain room until his eyes landed on an old dusty snow globe.

"You like that?" Sora's gaze was drawn back to Lulu. He shrugged, giving the snow globe a close look. It featured a little Santa Clause standing in his sleigh while his reindeer were happily frozen in mid gallop. He gave it a good shake and watched the tiny snowflakes drift around the water. "You can have it, if you want."

"Really?" Sora was rather surprised by Lulu's sudden charity.

"Sure, take it!" There was something eerie about her kindness. Sora noticed that in the past few days, maybe even a week or so, Lulu had been acting rather odd, and by odd, he meant she wasn't acting like herself. She was actually acting… happy. Overly cheerful, in fact. When Sora first met Lulu, she would have never invited anyone into her room, let alone share photos with them or offer them her possessions. He was unsure if he should accept the snow globe. It looked like it might've been a gift from someone. But he thought if he declined, he might offend her, so he placed the globe on his lap to show he'd take it when he left.

After they were done going through a couple photo albums and joking around, Lulu politely ushered them out, claiming to have "important things to do". Zell said his goodbyes and was gone rather quickly, but Sora lingered a moment more. He stared at the snow globe in his hands.

"Something wrong?" Lulu asked, shifting uncomfortably. She seemed like she was eager to have Sora leave, but was being patient about it. Sora opened his mouth to speak, then stopped and shook his head, turning to go. Just before Lulu managed to get the door closed, he stopped it with his foot.

"Who gave you this?" he asked quickly, holding up the globe. "Memorabilia of heart?" Lulu seemed stunned for a moment, but recovered quickly and gave a false smile.

"I don't remember."

"Charade you are. You're lying." Her façade was wearing thin.

"C'mon, Sora. I got things to do." Sora decided to let it go. It probably wasn't that important… right? "I'll be fine. I just gotta clear my head." He nodded and left the room, letting her close the door behind him.

Several steps later, Sora checked the underside of the snow globe, curious to see what he'd find. There was a hastily scribbled note that said "To my love, Lulu, from Chappu." An eyebrow rose. Why would Lulu give Sora something her fiancée gave her? Then again, why was she showing photos of herself to people? Why was she acting so happy suddenly? Why was she…?

"Lulu!" Sora cried, suddenly realizing something that made his heart stop. It all added up. She was going attempt another suicide! He raced back down the hall to Lulu's room and began banging on the door. "Lulu! Lulu, open up!" He tried to doorknob, but it didn't budge. Looking back and forth to check if anyone was around, he summoned his Keyblade and used it to unlock the door. Opening it, he ran in just in time to see the raven-hair woman with a steak knife to her throat.

"Sora?" she gasped, surprised he got in.

"Put it down," he said as calmly as he could. Now he knew how Riku felt when the older boy thought Sora was about to commit suicide. He was terrified. His mind was on autopilot. He really didn't know what to do to talk her out of it.

"Get out, Sora," Lulu whispered. "I don't want you to be here when I do this."

"Please, you don't wanna do it."

"What are you going to say? That I have so much to live for? That I don't have to do this?" She turned her blade on Sora. "I _don't_ have anything to live for! Chappu is dead! Why should I go on?" His mind scrambled for answers.

_You have so many friends._

_We care about you._

_You would be greatly missed._

"Vincent loves you!" Sora blurted out before thinking it through. Lulu's eyes widened in shock.

"What?" Sora took another step forward in her distracted moment. _Where am I going with this thought?_

"I said Vincent loves you. And if you died now… it would break his heart." Her eyes hardened.

"You're lying!" She pointed her blade at Sora again, causing him to jump back. "Why would he love me?"

"Because you're a charming…caring…" He was having trouble getting his thoughts straight. _No, not now! Please let me be coherent!_ "I wouldn't know what he loves about you; you'll just have to ask him yourself. But if you kill yourself, how are you supposed to do that?" She looked like she might've given in and put the knife down.

"But… Chappu is my only love." Her eyes filled with tears. "I'm going to the Farplane to be with him."

"But what about the rest of us?" He took another step towards her, knowing full well she could harm him at any given moment. "You have friends here."

"Sora, I've made up my mind-"

"Just listen to me! Don't do this!" Another step. "We're more than friends. We're family! You're like the sister I never had. And I can't just let you do this." Lulu looked away, her tears finally spilling over.

"You're just saying that. No one will miss me when I'm gone."

"I will…" Sora trailed off, suddenly getting a strange nostalgic feeling, like déjà vu. He knew someone had told him that before, but he couldn't remember whom.

"You're sweet, Sora…" Lulu said, pulling Sora out of his memories. "But you just don't know how this feels."

"I do, more than you'll ever know. I lost the girl I loved in a terrible accident that I caused. And as much as I'd love to see her again, I could never bring myself to commit suicide. There are people here that still care about me, just like how there are people who care about you. Are you really willing to leave us all behind for a lost one? Especially when there's another who loves you just as dearly?" Lulu's arms began shaking, so Sora stepped forward and took her hand. "Let him go. The pain will ease." Slowly, her fingers lost their strength and she dropped the knife on the floor. Sora guided her to her bed and let her collapse; the adrenaline rush in both of them was gone. Lulu took a few gasping breaths before she flung her arms around Sora's shoulders and wept, while Sora did his best to comfort her.

When her shaking and sobbing had subsided, she sat up and rubbed her tired eyes. "Thank you…" she whispered, her voice raw from crying. "God, I can't believe I almost…"

"Shh, it's okay."

"You know…" She paused and smiled weakly. "You actually made a lot of sense. I mean… You spoke without riddles." Sora's brow rose in surprise. _I did?_ And looking back a few minutes, he found she was right. All his sentences made perfect sense. So he smiled.

"I guess it's because you helped my brain sort things out. So maybe I should be the one thanking you." He gave her a big, reassuring hug. After a few more moments of silence, Lulu cleared her throat.

"Um… do you think we could…_not_ tell the doctors about this?" Sora understood and nodded. "Thanks. Last thing I need is intensive therapy after this." She took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. "I think I'm okay now." Sora shot her a stern look. "No, I mean it this time. I think I got that all out of my system." She fidgeted with her fingers for a moment. "Did you really mean it? The part about Vincent?" He blushed, looking away.

"Zell noticed it first. He likes watching interaction between people. After he pointed it out to me, it became more obvious." Lulu began giggling, partly because she was relieved and partly because it was a release of tension, and shortly afterwards, Sora joined in. Neither knew exactly what they were laughing at, but it just felt too damn good to stop. Sora couldn't remember expressing amusement like this in nearly 2 months. His cheeks and sides hurt from the strain, but he just kept going. And when the mirth subsided, they both felt immensely better.

"I guess laughter really is the best medicine," Lulu said with a tired smile.

OOOoooOOO

A/N: Whew! This chapter took so freakin' long to write because I was only halfway done when school started up again. And then I had a writer's block at the part where Sora begins therapy again. I finally managed to plow through it, though! Writing the near-suicide scene was both challenging and fun to write because I had to come up with rather convincing dialogue for Sora to say that would talk Lulu out it. Let me know if I was successful or not. Thank you all for reading this far and waiting so long!


	11. Chapter 11: Dizzy Dance

A/N: The title of this chapter is a line of lyrics from Jimmy Eat World's song Sweetness. And before we get started here, I'd like to address a reviewer's question. They were wondering when I'd get to the Riku/Sora romance. To answer that, I never really said anywhere that this would be a Riku/Sora story. The genre isn't even romance. I'm emphasizing their strong friend, but no romance. Sorry. Don't let that discourage you from reading the rest of this story! If you want a R/S story, go to my profile. I've got one there.

**Dementia**

Chapter 11: Dizzy Dance

Only moments had passed since Lulu nearly took her own life. She and Sora spoke for a bit before they both left the room with Sora promising to show her how to play Sudoku. However, when they got to the common room, amazingly enough, they couldn't seem to find a single pencil, so Sora headed back to his room to find one.

He sifted through his desktop's contents, but all his pencils and pens were gone. Frowning, he opened the top drawer of the desk. His frown deepened when he found that not only were his pencils missing, so was the charm that Kairi gave him and the sketchbook that Naminé had owned. His blood began to boil. He knew exactly who was behind the thefts.

"That freaking klepto…" he hissed, storming out of his room and down the hall to Zidane's room. Lucky for him, the blonde boy was just on his way out when he ran into the irate Sora. "You!" he bellowed. Zidane jumped with fright.

"Oh," he grumbled, upon recognizing Sora. "It's just you."

"Just me?" Sora growled. "Just the guy who's gonna kick your ass if I don't hear what I want to hear!" Zidane's eyes bulged out.

"You… your words…not garbled…kick my ass?" He paled significantly while Sora advanced on him.

"Where's my stuff?"

"What stuff?" Sora slammed his fist on the space of wall beside Zidane's head.

"Don't play stupid. I'm missing very important items that I haven't moved since I got here. And you just so happen to be the resident thief. Now if you don't give me my stuff back, we're going to be short one patient." The poor blonde began sweating bullets.

"I… uh… I don't know if I have _your_ stuff in particular…"

"Do you know what they do to thieves in Agrabah?" Sora asked menacingly with a glint in his eyes. "They chop off your hands so you can't steal anything ever again." Zidane looked like he was going to faint. Sora blinked a few times, as if realizing what he just said. This wasn't normal. He couldn't explain it. Part of Sora knew something about his behavior was off. He would normally never threaten someone, but he really wanted his stuff back. Desperate times call for desperate measures. That's how he rationalized it. But he certainly was going to bring it up at his next therapy session.

The blonde fumbled over his own feet and he pointed to his room, scrambling to open the door. Once inside, Sora had to do a double take to make sure what he was seeing was real. Zidane's room was crammed full of stolen goods. There were boxes of clothes, jewelry cases, ornamental items, and things Sora had never even seen before. Before he could say anything, a brown-cover sketchbook was thrust under his nose.

"This yours?" Zidane asked nervously. Sora threw on his angry look.

"Where's the charm?" He folded his arms for affect. Zidane opened the sketchbook to the first page and the star-shaped charm was wedged between the pages.

"Look, I'm sorry!" he squeaked. Sora huffed in disbelief. "I know you may not believe me, but I am sorry. Sometimes…I just can't help but take things, just to prove I can do it, you know? Sometimes I don't even realize I've stolen anything until I reach my room and I'm stashing it somewhere."

"That's what therapy is for." Sora looked around the room again, still amazed that one person could get away with taking so much. "You need to give back everything you've stolen, understand?" Zidane nodded furiously, afraid of retribution if he didn't comply. Sora snatched back his possessions.

The moment he touched the sketchbook, however, he felt an odd feeling drawing his attention to the door. The room seemed strangely dark suddenly as white light streamed through the open doorway. A silhouette appeared in the door – the silhouette of a girl. Sora's eyes blinked, trying to adjust to the light pouring in around her, and when he could see clearly, he recognized the girl as Kairi. She took a few steps forward, a serene smile on her face, placing her hand on the charm, then placing her hand on Sora's chest, where his heart would be. And she mouthed out some words that Sora couldn't hear.

"Kairi…?" he whispered. Kairi tilted her head to the side, her smile never leaving her face, and she backed away slowly, as if floating, before she was completely out of the room and she walked out of sight. "Wait!" Sora charged out the door after her, leaving a bewildered Zidane behind. He turned to the side, catching a glimpse of red hair disappearing around a corner, so he ran after her, but coming around the corner, she was nowhere to be seen. Sora spun around on the spot, trying to find where Kairi had gone to, but she was gone. Was she ever really there to begin with?

OOOoooOOO

"Checkmate!" Riku sat back in shock; unable to believe his brunette friend had just beaten him in a game of chess.

"I lost…" he muttered. "I never lose…"

"Cheer up, Riku," Sora said with a grin as he cleared the chessboard. "These things happen to people in their old age. You're not alone." Riku gave him a sarcastic smile while flipping him off.

"Haw haw, very funny." The older man had come for his regular visit and was pleasantly surprised to hear that Sora's speech had significantly improved. In fact, everything about Sora's attitude seemed to be improving. As Sora set up the board for another game, Riku nervously fiddled with his queen piece, trying to raise the courage to ask something he really wanted to know.

"Sora?" he started. Sora slowed in his movements, looking up. "You're getting better, right?" He nodded. "Then… why don't you come back home now?" Sora stopped completely, his hand hovering over a bishop piece. His eyes looked downwards.

"I can't. Not yet." He looked back up to Riku's face. "Not until I'm sure I'm healed. I can still hear Roxas' voice in my head. He's trying to figure out a way past the medication. I don't know what his intentions are, but I don't want him to hurt anyone." Riku clenched the queen piece he was holding. He hated feeling helpless, unable to aid his best friend.

"It's just that… things have been really quiet without you." Sora managed a smile.

"Hey, don't get like that. I'll be back soon! I've made so much progress here and it's only been a month! Roxas may be trying to figure out how my brain works, but I'm figuring out how his works just as fast." Riku faintly returned the smile.

"Yeah, I guess you're right." He finally relinquished his grip on the chess piece. "I know I've asked this before, but is there anything I can do to help?" Sora gave a lop-sided grin.

"Nah, this is something I need to tackle on my own." Riku nodded thoughtfully. There was no sense in disrupting Sora's recovery when he was so close to a resolution. "Oh by the way!" Riku's attention was drawn away from the chessboard again. "I saw Kairi again!" The silver-haired man nearly choked on his own saliva.

"What?"

"I mean, she wasn't real, I think. But I haven't seen any visions of Kairi in a long while, so it was actually nice hallucinating about her again. I'm positive she's trying to tell me something, but I can't understand." Understanding washed over Riku and he relaxed.

"I suppose you're lucky you get to see her in any form whatsoever. All I have left of her is memories." Sora playfully slapped Riku over the shoulder.

"Memories are the most important things you can have of a person. It means they were special enough to leave an impression on your heart."

OOOoooOOO

It was another day at the Destiny Psychiatric Hospital. Sora, Zell, and Vincent were hanging out in the common room playing a game of Monopoly while the red-cloaked man was muttering under his breath.

"Stupid game…" he grumbled.

"You're only upset because you've only got two piece of property and you keep landing on my Boardwalk square," Zell said jokingly.

"Why do we even play this game?" Sora asked in a bored voice. "Half the money is missing 'cause that stupid kleptomaniac Zidane stole it."

"It's for the principle of it all," Zell explained in a matter-of-fact voice. "Monopoly teaches players that it's a dog-eat-dog world out there, and if you're going to come out on top, you gotta break a few kneecaps."

"That's not what it teaches!" Sora protested.

"So where's Lulu?" Zell asked quickly, diverting the subject.

"Therapy."

"Oh really? I wasn't aware she was actually attending her appointments." He put a hand to his chin in an inquisitive way. "Although, I have noticed her general attitude has improved. I mean, not drastically, but she's certainly making attempts to be friendlier. Maybe she's getting better." Zell noticed a slight shift from Vincent. It was as if the brooding raven-haired man was perking up at the news of Lulu making progress. "Interested, Vincent?"

"Slag off," Vincent replied in his gruff voice.

"No, no, I saw you perk up like a dog waiting for his master to throw a ball. In fact," Zell scooted closer to Vincent as if he were about to share some highly secretive information. "I've noticed you've taken a liking to our Miss Lulu. More than a liking, in fact."

"Don't say it," Vincent hissed.

"I think-"

"I'm warning you."

"-You're in l-" _Whack!_ Zell was out for the count and Vincent was shaking his sore fist out. He shifted his focus to Sora.

"You want some of this?" he asked threatening. Grinning, Sora held up his hands as if to say 'No thanks.' Vincent sniffed in approval, sending a glare at Zell's groggy form. "That'll teach that nosy little fuck." With a sweep of his cloak, Vincent was gone. Zell groaned in pain as he rubbed his jaw and righted himself back onto his chair.

"Mean left-hook," he muttered. "We totally gotta hook him up with Lulu." Sora gave him a look of disbelief.

"You really don't know when to quit. The man just punched you. _In the face!_ And you still wanna meddle in his love life?"

"What can I say? I love people!" Zell pushed away his Monopoly pieces and pulled out a sheet of paper, furiously scribbling some stuff down. Sora peered curiously over his shoulder and saw what looked like some blueprints or a layout for the hospital grounds. "You gonna stand there and gawk or are you gonna help me with this?"

"What is 'this' exactly?"

"I call it the 'Vincent and Lulu hook-up and make babies' plan. What do you think?"

"I think I need a stiff drink…" Sora decided he'd wipe his hands clean of this crazy scheme of Zell's. He was a firm believer that true love didn't need help and things tended to work themselves out in favor of soul mates. "You have fun tinkering with them. I'm staying the hell out of this."

"Suit yourself, but do arrive for tomorrow evening's festivities. I've got it all planned out."

"Oh really? What is it you had in mind?"

"Oh I'm not telling you! You're not involved, remember? You'll just have to wait until tomorrow to find out."

OOOoooOOO

And find out, Sora did. It was shortly into dinner that Zell began commencing his plan. Sora had to admit; he was rather looking forward to a little dinner and a show. He was intrigued as to how Zell was actually going to carry out his plan and he wasn't sure what he wanted more to happen: Lulu and Vincent to hook up, or Zell get brutally beat up for even trying. Both had hilarious outcomes.

The first tip-off that Sora got that Zell was setting his scheme in motion was the obvious distraction directed at Vincent.

"Hey Vinnny," Zell spoke up, looking around as if he was afraid of being overheard.

"Don't call me Vinny," Vincent grumbled, poking at his questionable dinner. The man, normally cloaked in red, was missing his trademark cape jacket, and he seemed very sour about it.

"Hot tip from the underground," Zell continued, pretending he didn't hear the other. "Some things have been going missing. I noticed your jacket is gone."

"If I find out you had anything to do with that…"

"Wasn't me. But I will tell you…" Zell leaned in. "Think about how many kleptomaniacs we got on campus. Only one? Sounds suspicious to me… But you didn't hear this from me." Zell tapped the side of his nose before leaning out and returning to his food. The message was clear enough without the obvious hints. Vincent wasted no time in getting up from the table and hunting down a certain Zidane. Sora couldn't believe it was that easy to convince the intelligent man that some hapless young teen was responsible for the theft of his prized red cloak.

As soon as Vincent was out of earshot range, Zell whispered to Sora, "Timing is a factor here. Oh, here comes Lulu!"

Lulu had just returned from a therapy session and she was finishing up her late dinner with the others. Just before she could get up to clear her plate and get some dessert, Zell interrupted her motions.

"Allow me madam," he said sweetly, taking Lulu's plate. The raven-haired woman eyed him suspiciously but made no attempt to protest his unusual generosity. "Want some apple pie and ice-cream?"

"Sure…" she said slowly. "Okay, what do you want?"

"Nothing! Why can't a friend do something nice for another friend? Is it a crime?" Lulu's expression of disbelief and suspicion never left her face.

"I suppose not…" Just as Zell was about to pass her the plate, he pulled it out of her grasp.

"But how much do you want it? It's your favorite, am I right?"

"Give it up, Zell," Lulu said evenly, not about to lose her cool.

"Come get it," Zell challenged. "Or are you too girlie to face up to a man?" Lulu narrowed her eyes. She was never one to turn down a challenge. Especially one that insulted her gender.

"You won't be much of a man once I finish with you. In fact, you won't be anything resembling human." She quickly rose from her seat and chased after Zell out the terrace doors into the courtyard. Sora rolled his eyes at their antics and followed to as far as the double sliding doors to watch what would happen next. Zell was running around, trying to tire Lulu out. Once Lulu grew tired of their little game, she took a seat at one of the patio tables. Zell skimmed over, place the dessert plate in front of her and before she could say anything else, he ran back into the cafeteria and closed the double doors, locking them. He then turned around just in time to catch Vincent coming in from the hallway.

"I can't find that little thieving runt," he growled. He looked around. "Wasn't Lulu just here?"

"Never mind her, I just saw Zidane! He went out to the garden," Zell lied. "I think I saw your cloak in his arms."

"That brat…" Vincent hissed as he threw open the double door leading back out to the patio. As soon as he was through the doors, Zell locked the doors behind him, making the other man jump with surprise and start banging on the glass doors. Zell gave Sora a thumbs-up and flicked on a switch by the doors. Outside, a string of colored lights and lamps lit up, accompanied by some soft music.

"Everything's going according to plan," Zell announced to Sora, who was trying to make himself invisible. Sora wanted absolutely no part in this for fear of enraging Vincent's fists and setting off Lulu's fury.

Outside in the courtyard, Vincent had given up on banging on the window doors and took a defeated seat next to Lulu. Neither said a word to each other. Inside the café, Zell wondered to himself why they weren't doing anything. He was so sure they'd have put the moves on each other by now.

"They're just sitting there…" he complained. "Why aren't they dancing or talking or making out or something?!"

"Maybe because you've locked them up like animals…" Sora muttered sarcastically. "I warned you not to meddle."

"This calls for drastic measures." Zell looked around the near empty room and spied Garnet working in the back and Zidane coming in from the hallway. "Garnet, Zidane! Go out to the courtyard and dance!" Both of the mentioned people blushed.

"How is that supposed to help?" Sora asked.

"If Vincent and Lulu see someone else dancing, they'll be inclined to join in!" Sora shook his head.

"That's about the stupidest thing I've ever heard." But at this point, Zell wasn't listening anymore. He was marching Zidane and Garnet across the room to the double doors leading out to the terrace.

"Now get out there and show them your moves!" With a final shove, Zell force the unwilling couple out to the courtyard and locked the doors behind them. However, he forgot just whom Vincent was mad at at the moment. The moment the raven-haired man laid his eyes on the unfortunate kleptomaniac, he began throwing a string of curse words and advancing on Zidane. The blonde squeaked in panic, backing up into the glass doors and clawing desperately at them for sanctuary.

"Where's my cloak?" Vincent demanded.

"What cloak?" Zidane leapt out of the way just as Vincent lunged at him. This began a short chase around the garden, which ended abruptly when he ran into the table, causing the plate of apple pie and ice-cream to fly up into the air and land squarely on Lulu's head. All motion ceased outside. Sora and Zell slowly backed away from the doors with Zell muttering nervously about how badly his plan had failed, while Zidane, Vincent, and Garnet held their breaths in fear.

Lulu cracked a tiny smile.

The tiny burst into a full-fledged grin before it gave way to a giggle and finally laughter.

True laughter!

Lulu slowly wiped the ice-cream and apple fillings from her face and hair as her body racked with laughter and mirth. All the terrace occupants released their breaths and soon join in with the merriment. Vincent retrieved some napkins from the holder on the patio table and assisted Lulu in helping her clean up. For a moment, their eyes met. Lulu's chuckles subsided and she took one of Vincent's hands.

"You… wanna dance?" she asked shyly. For the first time that she had ever seen, Vincent blushed, and he nodded, leading Lulu to the open area of the courtyard. Garnet and Zidane took this opportunity to flee the scene into the cafeteria while Vincent and Lulu shared a romantic dance together. Inside, Zell wiped the sweat from his brow.

"For a minute there, I was sure I'd have to escape the country and change my name," he said with relief. "Well now, Sora, now you'll never doubt me again, will you?"

"Hmph, you got lucky," Sora huffed. He turned his full attention back to the happy new couple and sighed. It was nice to see that two people affected by mental anguish could find happiness in one another. As Sora watched them spin in very slow circles, it caused a brief flashback to a time he shared a dance with Kairi.

He remembered it clearly. It was their final night of high school and they were visiting the island for old times sake. Kairi was reminiscing over their last few years and she was humming a tune to herself. Sora had shyly put his hand out in a gentlemanly manner and asked for a dance. Her voice had been so heavenly and they simply held each other, spinning in dizzy circles slowly as Kairi continued to hum her beautiful tune. Sora remembered looking up at the stars and thinking 'This is the most perfect night ever.'

He shook his head clear of the memories and looked back out to where Lulu and Vincent were finishing their dance. They seemed to be conversing quietly, every now and then throwing a look in Sora and Zell's direction. Sora suddenly felt panic rising in his chest.

"Zell…" he said quickly.

"Don't say anything, man, you'll ruin the moment." Zell seemed to be in his own little world, clearly happy that his plan worked out after all.

"No, Zell! RUN!" Just as Zell's eyes snapped open, Vincent and Lulu were running towards the unguarded, unlocked patio doors. He didn't have enough time to lock them, so he turned tail and ran for his life as the two enraged, yet deliriously happy new couple chased after him down the halls, all the while Zell screamed "Mercy!" as he tore out of the room.

Sora merely smiled at their antics. Things were definitely looking up.

OOOoooOOO

A/N: Man oh man, school is keeping me busy. I've had this chapter semi-done for a little while now, but never got the chance to post it due to lack of time. Anyway, so how about that? Lulu and Vincent finally hooked up! And Zell is probably a creamy pile of bruises somewhere. I love writing dialogue for him! Next chapter, I get back on track with Sora's therapy. As always, reviews are greatly appreciated. Ja!


	12. Chapter 12: Trapped in a Dream

A/N: I apologize for the huge delay between chapters. You see, I became uninspired after the last chapter. I was under the impression that people reading this story were interested in reading about the trials and tribulations of Crazy!Sora, but apparently, a majority of my fanbase was made up of yaoi-fangirls waiting for me to put in a Riku/Sora romance. While I have no problem with that pairing (it's my favourite one in KH), I'm disappointed that after my announcement in the previous chapter, all my readers disappeared. So I went under the assumption that no one was reading this anymore. However, some readers on DA motivated me to continue, so thanks to them, I have completed this chapter. The next chapter is the last.

The chapter title is a song by Mudvayne. The lyrics are a song called Breathe by Prodigy.

**Dementia**

Chapter 12: Trapped in the Wake of a Dream

_Breathe the pressure_ _  
Come play my game I'll test you  
Psychosomatic addict insane_

Exhale, exhale, exhale… 

Prodigy

The sun shone brightly through Sora and Zell's window on that warm morning. Sora himself lay in bed, staring out the window with a slight interest. From his vantage point, he could see the courtyard where a couple of patients were roaming like cattle. He could also see a multitude of birds sitting in the trees outside his window. It was just one of those lazy days where you didn't feel like getting up and doing anything. It was a pity, however, that Sora had an appointment with Quistis in about 15 minutes because at that moment, all he wanted to do was lie in bed.

During his latest therapy session, Quistis had expressed a concern with Sora's aggressive behavior towards Zidane, so she had adjusted his medication to "even him out" as she put it. She had apologized profusely because she knew the side-effects would be a total loss of energy and motivation, but she was hoping it would be enough to subdue Roxas. She was positive the aggression was stemming from him.

At exactly 3:00PM, Sora's watch began beeping, signifying the start of his scheduled appointment. He did consider simply skipping it, but he knew the more therapy sessions he skipped, the longer it would take to figure out his problem and deal with it. The sooner he was healed, the sooner he'd get to ditch the pills and move on with life.

With painfully slow movements, he dragged himself out of bed and sluggishly shuffled out the door of his room. Mentally, he cursed the medication as he clung to the walls for support. Just as he felt he would collapse (somehow, his head felt like it weighed more than the average 8 pounds it was supposed to), he felt a supportive arm lace around him and turned to see Garnet.

"Quistis informed me your recent medication changes would leave you feeling weak," she explained when Sora gave her a questioning yet thankful look. "I assumed you'd need help moving around." Sora said nothing. He suddenly felt embarrassed by the need to be carried around by a woman who likely weighed 40 pounds less than himself. There was nothing he hated more than feeling weak and useless. "Oh dear, I didn't… I didn't mean to offend you…" Garnet said weakly. She pulled a handkerchief from her pocket and wiped the tears from Sora's eyes.

_Tears?_

Sora didn't even realize in his weakened state that he was crying.

_God, these pills are messing me up._

"I'm not crying…" he whispered, more to himself than Garnet. The nurse said nothing as she helped him all the way to Quistis office. Once they were inside and Sora was settled onto the leather couch, Garnet politely made her exit. Quistis circled her desk and sat before Sora on the chair next to him. She resisted looking at him with pity because she knew in his current state, Sora would not appreciate her sympathy.

"I really am sorry," she offered anyway. "I just wanted you to know that this medication isn't meant to slow you down, it's to slow down Roxas. I don't know what that boy is capable of, but I'd rather not wait and find out."

"I understand," Sora said with a sigh. "I've had moments where I haven't quite been… me, you know?" Quistis nodded, jotting it down on her notepad.

"From your knowledge, has Roxas ever displayed violent tendencies?"

"To be honest, I really don't know him at all." Sora suppressed a delirious giggle. "I only met him twice before he became a part of me permanently. He only started talking to me recently because of the accident." Quistis began flipping through the Ansem reports, looking for some kind of indication towards Roxas' personality. Other than a few notes about his behavior in the simulated Twilight Town, there were no other notes about him.

"I think we should do a hypnosis session to get in his head, find out what kind of person he was. It's rather hard trying to treat _two_ patients when one of them is within the other's mind." Sora nodded, not having any complaint about getting to close his eyes. Within minutes, he was out and lucid. "Bring up any memory of Roxas' for me." Sora concentrated a moment.

There was a bright flash and Sora felt images being brought up. He was sitting in a white room filled with tall thrones arranged in a circle. He was sitting on one, wearing the trademark Organization jacket. This must've been where the Organization had their meetings. Another memory flashed to life. Sora was standing in a room that resembled a graveyard. There were twelve "tombstones" set up, each baring a different marking or symbol. He felt his body move forward and stand before the "grave" marked as "The Key of Destiny". His hands reached out with a will of their own and touch the cold slab. He felt emotions rise up.

_Emotions?_

_I have emotions?_

Confusion. Who am I? Where is Sora?

"Sora, what do you see? What are your feelings?"

"Roxas… doesn't know who he is," Sora explained. He was being filled with memories and experiences all at once. "When Roxas was created, he… he retained his emotions long enough to know what they were. But something changed. He lost all his memories of me. He didn't know who he was or what he was." Sora felt a split in his vision. One side, the familiar side, was when he was a Heartless, roaming the castle of Hollow Bastion, searching for his friends. The other side, he was roaming the cold lonely streets of the World that Never Was, searching for answers to his past. As a Heartless, he found the warmth of Kairi's love and reverted back to his human form. The instant he felt that happen, he felt his Nobody self lose a piece of himself. Something shattered, like a key memory that sent the rest into chaos. And then, everything was gone but his emotions.

"I think I understand…" Sora explained as best as he could. "When a heart becomes separated from its body, it becomes consumed by darkness because there's nothing to protect, so it becomes a Heartless. The remaining body becomes a Nobody."

"Yes, we established that," Quistis nodded.

"But the process should be permanent. There are no 'do-over's. And yet, somehow, I was able to become human again without my shell – my Nobody. Kairi shared enough of her heart with me to reverse the damage the darkness had done. But I was still incomplete without my Nobody and he was incomplete with me. He lost his memories of me, but somehow retained his emotions because of Kairi. I'm not sure how."

"Sora, that doesn't make much sense."

"Don't ask me, I didn't make the rules here." Sora concentrated on bringing up a memory with Roxas and Naminé together before Roxas left the Organization. He could see a long white hallway decorated sparsely with white vases with no plants in them. His feet carried him slowly towards the door at the end of the hallway. He raised his hands cautiously and hesitated a moment.

_Nervous about disturbing her?_

Sora's memory self knocked lightly on the door. He heard a timid feminine voice say "Come in." So he did.

The white room was even less decorated than the hallway was, but the only difference was the girl sitting in the middle of the room, doodling away in a familiar sketchbook.

"Naminé?" Sora heard himself say in Roxas' voice. Naminé looked up shyly. "Can I talk to you?"

"Sure, Roxas," she replied, closing her sketchbook. Sora/Roxas hesitated before coming right out with his question.

"What am I?" Naminé's eyes seemed to become dark with sadness.

"You know what you are. You're a Nobody. We all are."

"There has to be more to it than that. What is a Nobody?"

"A shadow." She was forward with her reply. "We are all mere shadows of our former selves."

"That's it? You mean our Others, our human selves, we're just shadows of them? Nothing more?" Naminé nodded her head. The truth hurt.

"You know as well as I do that Nobodies can't be anything more than that."

"Why can't I remember my former self? Everyone else can. Axel won't shut up about his. But I don't even know who my other is. I don't even know his name." Naminé chewed on her lip, deciding whether or not to reveal something.

"His name is Sora." She got up from her chair and opened her sketchbook to a page. On the page was a crudely-done drawing of Sora. "The reason you can't remember him is because he's still alive. He's not a Heartless anymore." Sora/Roxas took a step back.

"Why wouldn't the others tell me? I asked them and they all acted like they didn't have a clue! Were they lying?" Naminé sighed.

"Yes… They lied to me too. They all called me a witch because my other never became a Heartless for me to be created. They fear us, Roxas. They don't understand us."

"_I_ don't understand us!" He rubbed his eyes in a tired manner. "I can't stay here. I need to find Sora. I need to understand everything. Why me? Why do I have a Keyblade? Why was I chosen? I'm just a Nobody!" He looked Naminé in the eyes. "I thought Nobodies couldn't feel emotions. I can't shut mine off!" Naminé's eyes widened. This was news to her.

"You can feel?"

"Yes, and right now, I feel confusion. I feel lost." Roxas paced around the room. "Please don't tell anyone, Naminé. If the others found out…" Sora felt the memory end on its own. He felt strange, more lucid than normal. He was slipping into darkness… losing control. His emotions were on overdrive.

"Something's happening…" he whispered. He couldn't move his arms and legs.

"Sora, stay with me," Quistis said, setting aside her notepad.

"Something… it's… it's him!" Sora knew suddenly that the pills weren't slowing Roxas down, they were inadvertently suppressing Sora's conscious mind. He was losing control to Roxas. And what he felt was a cloud of rage overcoming him. "Get out! RUN!"

"Sora?" Quistis stood above him. "What's happening? Sora!" She gasped when a hand clenched around her neck.

"Sora took a nap now," said a cold voice. Quistis looked into Sora's now icy cold eyed. They narrowed on her as he spoke again. "You're dealing with Roxas." The doctor couldn't help but gasp, both out of fear and her lack of breath. Panic gripped her.

Without warning, she was tossed carelessly across the room into one of her bookshelves, sending the shelf crashing down around her. Roxas, now controlling Sora's body, calming walked out of the room. Panting with pain, Quistis managed to crawl over to her desk and pick up the phone, dialing the main desk.

"A patient's on the loose! It's Sora! Get the security! Approach with caution but don't hurt him!"

Outside her office, Roxas walked towards the main entrance. Two large orderlies stepped out from around the corner and stood in his path. Roxas glared intensely. They said nothing and advanced on him. With a growl of annoyance, Roxas took a step back and summoned the Oathkeeper and Oblivion to his side. The orderlies stopped and took a step back in fear.

"Stay out of my way," Roxas warned. One orderly cautiously backed away, but the other disregarded Roxas' warned and stepped forward. In a flash, Roxas rushed the man and took him down, slamming the hilt of the Oathkeeper against the back of the man's neck. He menacingly turned to the other. The other, shaking in terror, raised his hands defensively, scrambling to get away. Roxas turned his attention once again to his escape route.

He turned around a corner and saw the exit. But just outside the exit, there were a large number of security guards with guns drawn.

"Don't move!" one shouted. Roxas ignored them and ducked back into the hallway he came, bumping into Garnet.

"Sora!" she gasped. Just as she tried to back away and run, Roxas grabbed her shoulders and placed her between himself and the guards.

"Lower your weapons or I'll kill her!" he shouted at the guards.

"Release the girl first," called the head security guard.

"This isn't a negotiation." To show he was serious, Roxas pressed the sharp end of his Oblivion against Garnet's neck. "Lower your weapons. _Now._" There was a murmur of hesitation among the guards. The tension was thick in the air. A crowd of patients, doctors, and orderlies had formed behind the guards and in the corridors leading to the main entrance. Everyone waited with bated breath.

"Sora?" There was a shuffle in the crowd. Roxas' eyes flickered momentarily to the source of the voice. Zell was staring at him. For some reason, this bothered Roxas. He felt judged. Zell wore no expression. He just stared. Roxas stared back. And then he winced in pain when he felt something sharp prick his neck. He looked back forward. Garnet was slowly backing away from him, a syringe in her hand.

"I'm sorry, Sora," she whispered. She had injected him with an anesthetic that would put him to sleep. Roxas dropped to his knees, feeling his strength and adrenaline leaving him. His Keyblades clattered to the floor before vanishing in a flash of light and sparks. He had let his guard down and loosened his grip on the girl. Now he was losing control over the mind. He felt Sora clinging on until Sora won dominance, just as his body collapsed. The guards and orderlies quickly advanced and put Sora's arms around his back while putting cuffs on his wrists. Sora was only dimly aware of what was going on, but he didn't understand why.

"Let me through!" shouted a voice in the crowd. "Let me through!" Quistis pushed to the front. She had a cut on her forehead and some bruises on her arms, but other than that, she looked okay. "Guards, stop! Don't take him away!"

"Dr. Trepe, did you _see_ what he just did?" asked the head security guard. "He injured an orderly and threatened to kill one of your nurses! That's grounds enough to have him arrested."

"He wasn't himself, please!" Quistis pleaded.

"Dr. Trepe!" barked a voice. Quistis winced and looked over her shoulder. It was rare that the head doctor of the Destiny Psychiatric ward ever left his office.

Dr. Strago Magus wore a stern expression as he pushed through the crowd of onlookers. He was a graying elderly man with hair as white as snow. There was one thing in his life he appreciated and that was order. At the present moment, Sora was disrupting that strict order and Dr. Magus would have none of that.

"Do not interfere with the guards. It is for the safety and interest of all patients and doctors alike that this boy be arrested and put in a holding cell away from others. This psychiatric hospital is not equipped to deal with extremely violent patients. You've seen what he's capable of."

"You don't understand!" Quistis retorted. "He's a special case! Locking him up won't solve the problem! I take full responsibility of this incident! Please, if you must blame someone, blame me."

"I think you've let your emotions consume you. It's clouding your judgment and not allowing you to see the situation at hand. He is a danger! End of discussion!" Quistis clenched her hands in anger as Dr. Magus turned his back on her.

"No, we're not done here!" she blurted out before thinking. Dr. Magus stopped mid-step and turned to face her once more.

"Not done?" he questioned. "Dr. Trepe, you will contain your anger or you will find yourself facing the medical board of directors for this. Then it will be _you_ who will be done here."

"I mean no disrespect," she said slowly, trying to word her sentences carefully. "But I must protest this conduct. We're here to heal the minds of others. Sora needs healing, not confinement. Explain to me how he will receive treatment if no one treats him." Dr. Magus groaned and held the bridge of his nose. He was silent as he considered what to do about the problem.

"Fine, Dr. Trepe. Have it your way. Your progress will be under review. You have three days, Dr. Trepe. Three days to make some kind of positive progress or the boy will be taken away and you will be facing relocation." Without another word, Dr. Magus disappeared back into his office. Quistis let out a sigh of relief. She promptly turned on the guards holding Sora to the ground.

"Release him. Take those things off him!" The guards exchanged looks before obliging.

"What do you want done with him?" asked the head guard. Quistis was silent a moment as she weighed her options.

"Bring him to room 205."

OOOoooOOO

A/N: So what is this mysterious Room 205? Guess you'll have to find out in the next chapter. It became apparent to me that in order to put the ending in the next chapter, I would have to give a sense of urgency for Quistis and Sora to find a resolution, otherwise Quistis gets canned and Sora gets locked up for good. The stakes are high in the next chapter!

Strago Magus is a FF6 character.

Also, I know there's bound to be inconsistencies between what happens in KH2: Final Mix and what's written here. I wrote this BEFORE Final Mix came out, so it wasn't clear to me what Square-Enix had in mind for Roxas' past and creation.


	13. Chapter 13: Death Whispered a Lullaby

A/N: Chapter 13! Unlucky 13! This is the last chapter! And an extremely long one at that. I just want to take a moment to thanks those who have read this far. I really appreciate your comments and critiques. I want to apologize for how long it's taken to get this chapter online. I tried for weeks, but just wouldn't upload it till now. So here it is!

I spoke to my brother about how Quistis is on the verge of being fired and he said it wasn't entirely believable. But I hope that this being a world different from ours, it is at least acceptable as a plot device. :P

The title of this chapter is a song by Opeth.

**Dementia**

Chapter 13: Death Whispered a Lullaby

_Out on the road there are fireflies circling  
Deep in the woods, where the lost souls hide  
Over the hill there are men returning  
Trying to find some peace of mind_

_Sleep my child_

_- Opeth_

Day 1

Sora groaned as he rolled over, feeling stiff and tired. He slowly entered the land of consciousness. His memory was hazy. He couldn't recall what had transpired over the past few hours. With blurred vision, he examined his surroundings. Everything around him was white. But it wasn't a pure white like Naminé's room in Twilight Town. It was a sort of creamy beige white. As things began to come into focus and his vision improved, he could tell the walls weren't quite walls. They were like… pillows.

_Padded… walls?_

Panic rose in him, beginning in his stomach and rising in his throat like bile. He was in a padded room. What's more, he felt restrained and uncomfortable. Looking down, he was shocked to see his upper torso encased in a straight jacket. He cried out in dismay and surprise, immediately tossing and turning, trying to break free from his restraints. It was as if his worse nightmare were coming true. He had spiraled into madness enough that he was being treated like insane people from the movies. Upon hearing his cries, the single door in the room opened and Quistis walked in.

"Calm down!" she urged. "Just relax!"

"What is this?" Sora yelled, attempting to sit up but failing. "Where am I? Why am I here? Why am I wearing this? What happened!"

"Sora, please try to calm down," Quistis replied, sitting next to him and helping him sit up. "This wasn't my idea. The head of the hospital, Dr. Magus, insisted we put you in restraints."

"Why?! What did I do?" Panic and fear was written all over Sora's face and for the first time, Quistis saw him as a child.

"_You_ didn't do anything." She pursed her lips and continued, now that Sora had calmed down somewhat. "What do you remember?" Sora's eyes scanned the floor as if they contained his memories.

"I… I had an appointment with you. I got there and you put me to sleep." He thought about it some more. "That's all I remember." Quistis let out a heavy sigh.

"Everything was going fine until… Roxas broke free." Sora froze.

_Roxas…? Oh no…_

"What did he do?" he asked slowly. "He didn't hurt anyone, did he?"

"One orderly has a concussion. He'll recover soon enough. And Garnet was shaken up a little, but other than that, no one was seriously hurt." Sora examined Quistis suspiciously. She was sporting a bandage on her forehead.

"And you?" he asked. "What did he do to you?" Quistis was hesitant to reply. "Please, I have to know."

Sighing, she replied, "He… threw me into a bookshelf. But I'm fine!" she added the last part quickly to reassure Sora. "Just a few cuts and bruises. I've had much worse."

"I'm sorry…"

"Why? It's not your fault. If anything, it's my fault. I didn't anticipate the results of the pills I gave you. I naturally assumed they'd suppress Roxas, not you. I'm the one who should be sorry."

"But if I was stronger, then I would have been able to keep Roxas at bay. I'm to blame."

"You know, we could sit here all day and play the blame game, but it won't get us anywhere. You can't change the past. We can work towards changing the future, make sure this never happens again."

"And this straight jacket will ensure that?"

"I'm really sorry about that. Dr. Magus gave me no choice. It was either this or they were gonna take you away to prison."

"What's the difference?" Sora asked sadly, his head downcast. "It's all the same now."

"The difference is that here, you don't have to worry about dropping the soap in the shower." Quistis winked at Sora to cheer him up. Sora cracked a weak grin.

"I suppose that's the bright side…" He pressed his back up against the padded wall and looked up. "So now what?"

"Well…" Another thing she was hesitant to tell him. "In order to get Dr. Magus to keep you here, I agreed to make some significant progress with you in the next three days. That's all we've got, otherwise they'll come to take you away."

"Then what are we waiting for? Hypnotize me!"

"It's not that simple anymore. I have something else I need to tell you. It's about the pills I prescribed you." Sora nodded impatiently, urging her to continue. "You can't take them anymore. They're having the reverse affect I wanted. However, without the pills, you're going to start hallucinating again. Do you understand?" Sora frowned and considered his options. Three days of terrifying hallucinations or a lifetime of being in a dank holding cell with a cellmate named Burly Bob.

"Take me off the pills."

OOOoooOOO

A few hours had gone by since Quistis' visit. She explained that they needed time for Sora's last dose of pills to wear off before she could begin her sessions with him again. She warned him that they would be strenuous as they dug deeper into his memories. One request that Sora made was that Riku not be informed of the new development and that he not be allowed to visit. The last thing Sora wanted was for his best friend to see him in such a degrading and pathetic state.

"Tell him I'm sleeping," he had requested, which Quistis obliged without question. It was only three days after all. If they succeeded in curing Sora's mind, then he could go on living his life like before. But if they didn't make any progress, it wouldn't matter. Riku would have to be informed sooner or later that Sora was being taken away.

At the present moment, Sora was bored out of his mind. It was difficult to tell the time, but judging by his recent meal of sandwiches, delivered by an extremely nervous orderly, he guessed it was early afternoon. There was nothing for him to do but wait for his sessions with Quistis. The room had no windows and the door was a solid slab of concrete with a sliding panel near the top for the orderlies on the other side to look in. With his jacket on, Sora could barely move, and even if he could, he couldn't imagine what he'd do. He began wondering when the last time he took any pills.

_Must've been yesterday, around noon. When I was still allowed to roam among the semi-normal patients._

That would explain why his room was disappearing into a vortex in the roof.

High above Sora's head, something only he could see, a black vortex was spinning slowly, continually pulling the ceiling in but never succeeding. Sora would have been impressed if he weren't scared out of his wits.

_I can do this._ He reassured himself. _I can deal with a few hallucinations. I know they're not real._

To counteract the buzzing noise beginning to sound from the vision above his head, Sora began humming loudly. The buzzing grew louder, as if it were competing for dominance in the room. Sora became louder. The buzzing formed whispers that seemed to scream and hiss in his ears. Sora began singing. The whispers turned to shrieks of anguish and pain. Sora could take no more.

"SHUT UP! FOR GOD SAKE!" he yelled out. The screams stopped at once. "Jeez, you think this is funny, Roxas? You think I'm playing?" He waiting for a response, not entirely convinced he'd get one.

"Oh yeah, this is hilarious," said that familiar cold voice. Sora rolled to the side and came face to face with his Other. Roxas was wearing a straight jacket similar to Sora's, but his was decorated with a check pattern stripe. "I'm laughing on the inside."

"What do you want?" Sora asked.

"For you to suffer."

"Why?"

"Because you killed the one person who ever meant anything to me."

"Axel?"

"NAMINÉ, you jackass!" If looks could kill, Sora would've been a pile of ashes at that moment. "Now look who's playing around!"

"Anything to keep myself sane."

"Aren't we a little past that now?"

"Your jacket looks better than mine." Roxas growled at Sora's foolishness and stood up effortlessly. He summoned the Oathkeeper and Oblivion, using them to slice through his restraints.

"You can do this too." He was trying to goad Sora into escaping again. Sora sniffed and turned away.

"I'm well aware." He knew that if he really, _really_ wanted to he could escape no problem. He could drive into his Final form and use the Keyblades to slice through the jacket. He could take on every single guard in the building, guns or no guns. He could disappear from the islands and no one would ever hear from him again. But for those reasons, he chose to stay. Who would help him if he ran away?

"Then why don't you? Why not start by killing the guy behind this door? I heard that after you kill someone for the first time, it gets easier after that. You should have no problem." Sora ignored Roxas' words. "C'mon, I know you want to leave."

"Clearly you don't know me that well at all."

"You're my Other. I know you better than you know yourself. I know you blame yourself for the night of the accident. I know you hate yourself for what you've done. And your hate has become my hate." Sora blinked a few times before turning to look at Roxas once more.

"You hate me because _I_ hate me? So if I stopped hating myself, you'd stop?"

"It's too late for that. I've already developed my own hatred for you." Sora turned away. For a moment, everything made sense, but he just lost it. Nothing ever made sense when it came to Roxas. Ever since he discovered he even had a Nobody, nothing ever made sense.

"Just go away."

"Kill the guards. Leave the asylum." The wall that Sora was facing began turning red as blood soaked through from an unknown source.

"Go away." Sora blinked as a few droplets of blood splashed on his face.

"Kill your friends. You've already got one off your list." On the floor, the word 'Murderer' appeared.

"SHUT UP!" Sora clenched his eyes shut. "Shut up, I didn't kill her on purpose!"

"Go kill Quistis."

"Shut up, shut up, shut up!" It was so hard to ignore Roxas when he was whispering right in Sora's ear.

"Why not just kill yourself, get it over with?" Sora froze, his eyes opening wide. It scared him that a part of him was seriously considering it.

"No!" He struggled to get away from Roxas. "No, I'm not suicidal! Go away!"

"Then let me do it."

"Stop it!" Roxas advanced on Sora with his Keyblades drawn. Sora backed into the wall, feeling the blood in the padding soak through his straight jacket.

"It'll be quick, I promise," Roxas said in a low voice.

"GUARDS!" Sora fought hard to get his body on his feet. Using the wall for support, he forced all his weight on his legs and managed to get himself up. Roxas was still approaching slowly, raising the Oblivion over his shoulder to strike. "You can't hurt me! You're not real!"

"So you think. Wanna risk it?" He lashed out with the Oblivion, just barely missing Sora and striking the wall while Sora ducked out of the way, running to the other side of the room.

"Somebody help!" Roxas regained his composure and swung out again at Sora.

"Stop being pathetic! You can get that jacket off no problem! Do it! Fight me!"

"HELP!" Sora ducked again as the dark Keyblade narrowly missed his head. He leapt to the side when Roxas jabbed the Oathkeeper forward aiming for his chest. "Somebody!" It sounded like a crowd of people were standing just outside the door, talking loudly. Sora couldn't understand why they weren't helping him. But then again, Sora couldn't be sure if they were real. He dodged Roxas' attacks a few more times. The voices were getting louder. They sounded like they were cheering. Looking around, Sora found himself in an arena, surrounded by a huge audience, the spotlights blinding him momentarily. He was in a stadium like some kind of boxer. The audience was screaming with praise for both fighters. It was deafening and exhilarating all at the same time. Some were holding signs that said things like 'Sora 4 Life!' and 'Roxas champion!' Sora couldn't help but gaped at the scene around him. It was so vivid and real.

His attention was brought back to Roxas when the blonde sliced at him again with the lighter Keyblade. The crowd was chanting something unintelligible. Sora couldn't focus through the confusion. The chanting became clearer as the audience picked up on a steady rhythm.

"Final form! Final form! Final form!" Sora looked around, feeling lightheaded. His world was spinning! Roxas was still attacking. The Keyblade wielder had no choice. It was fight or die. He had to drive into his Final Form or he'd be killed. He could feel the magic building up. The crowd was going wild. Roxas grinned in anticipation and readied himself for a real battle. Sora felt excited. He was going to give the crowd one hell of a show. He stumbled as his world stopped moving. He was on the verge of a drive when suddenly…

"SORA NO!" Sora blinked. Somewhere in the audience, there was a flicker of red hair and pink fabric. "DON'T DO IT!" He tried to focus. Was it her? Was it Kairi? He felt his legs go weak and he collapsed to his knees, the magic and adrenaline draining out of him.

"Kairi?" he called out.

"I'm afraid not." The audience disappeared. The shouts and cheers were gone. The spotlights dimmed. Roxas was nowhere to be seen. Sora was back in the padded room, face to face with Dr. Trepe.

"Where am I?" he asked quickly. "What happened to the crowd? Where'd Kairi go?"

"Sora, we've been over this," Quistis explained calmly. "The lack of medication is causing you to hallucinate. Whatever you think you saw, it wasn't real." Sora shook his head defiantly. It was real, he convinced himself. He was in an arena, battling for his life. And somewhere, Kairi stopped him from overloading. "It's time for our hypnosis session. We'll begin by bringing up memories from your childhood." Quistis' voice faded away as Sora's mind wandered.

_It was real! I know it was! Wasn't it…?_

There was nothing Sora hated more than not knowing the answer to something he figured he should have. Was the stadium and the crowd a product of his overactive imagination? Or was it Roxas trying to trick him into going on a rampage?

"Sora, are you listening to me?" Quistis interrupted his train of thought. "Please close your eyes. We don't have much time." Sora focused and did as he was instructed.

OOOoooOOO

Day 2

Quistis wasn't joking when she said the sessions would be more intense. Each time they ended one part of the hypnosis, it would leave Sora with a severe headache, but due to Quistis' strict policy of no medication, he wasn't even allowed to take painkillers to quell the storm in his head. There were several sessions in the previous day, each lasting about 2 hours each, and each causing aching migraines for Sora. Quistis had prioritized her patients, sending ones like Zell to the other doctors at the hospital, while she focused solely on Sora. But despite the number of sessions, Sora felt like they were getting nowhere. He couldn't understand how his childhood memories had anything to do with why Roxas was trying to kill him and drive him mad. Quistis had explained that the reasons were obvious why Roxas was doing what he was doing. It was revenge, plain and simple. Roxas cared for Naminé and saw Sora as the murderer. Quistis said they were trying to find a resolution to calm his soul.

The following night was extremely tough. Sora slept for about an hour before nightmares overcame him once again. After that, he became restless, not letting his eyes shut for more than a moment. Whatever horrors he was experiencing in the waking world were ten times worse when he slept. He felt venerable in his dreams because he wasn't in complete control over his actions. He hated that semi-lucid state everyone experiences when they dream. It also didn't help that when he dreamed, he still couldn't move due to the straight jacket, but in his dream-state, he couldn't remember that, so it increased his panic. He figured he was just better off not sleeping at all. It was only three days after all, he told himself.

He did things to keep himself busy and distracted while waiting for Quistis to return for the morning session. He supposed that as along as his mind was elsewhere, he wouldn't have any delusions. He paced the room, muttering to himself, making lists of things he'd like to do before he turned 25 years old, his favourite foods, the names of every single person he met on his journeys, things like that.

"Let's see," he mumbled. "There was Jack Sparrow… no, no, Jack Skellington. No, wait, it was Sparrow. Or… Jack O'lantern? Can't remember, moving on. Will Turner, Elizabeth, the pirates, Aladdin, the Genie, the monkey, Carpet…"

"What are you doing?" Sora ignored Roxas. "You sound like a nutter." The blonde Nobody was sitting on the ceiling the way someone would regularly sit on the floor.

"Beast and Belle, Mulan, Ariel, Sebastian, Yen Sid, Squall…"

"Stop ignoring me. That's rude."

"You tried to kill me!" Sora blurted out, but quickly snapped his mouth shut when he remembered he was supposed to be pretending Roxas wasn't there. He averted his eyes and resumed his pacing. "Cloud, Aeris, Yuffie, Tifa…"

"That won't work forever, you know. I'm in your head. I know you can hear me."

"Hayner, Pence, Olette," Sora's voice was getting louder to counteract Roxas. However, the last few names struck a cord in Roxas and he dropped down from the ceiling, landing on his feet with cat-like grace.

"Those aren't your friends," he hissed with a hint of warning and possessiveness in his voice. "Those were MY friends! The only reason you spoke to them was because of me!"

"They didn't even know who you were," Sora retorted. "Your friends were computer simulations." Roxas looked like he wanted to dispute that statement, but stopped, his face going sad. Sora watched on in confusion.

"It felt real…" the Nobody whispered. Sora felt a pang of sympathy. He was starting understand something about Roxas. The blonde was always jealous of Sora. Here Sora was, a human who used to be a Heartless. Heartless weren't supposed to turn back into humans. Roxas must've felt cheated that he wasn't presented with that option of being human again. All he wanted was to be 'real', whatever that may be. Then he was kidnapped and used by DiZ to recover Sora's memories. It must've hurt that everyone saw him as just a tool.

_Why did he choose you?_

Sora remembered fighting Roxas all those years ago in the World that Never Was. He had asked Sora why Riku chose Sora over the blonde. But it became clear to him why. Riku and Sora were friends. Roxas had no friends, aside from Axel and Naminé. And their friendship wasn't entirely real. It was a series of faked emotions on everyone's part.

"I'm sorry…" Sora whispered, slowly approaching the brooding Roxas. He felt the need to apologize for his previous statement and for some other reason he couldn't put a name to. When he was within arm's reach (even though his arms were bound), Roxas suddenly spun around and hit Sora across the face, sending the brunette crashing painfully to the ground.

"I don't need your sympathy!" he spat at the fallen boy. "You've had everything your whole life! You don't know what it's like to be told that you're not real and you should never have existed! You're a Somebody - you have everything! You took what little I had away from me! I had one thing left and that was Naminé! And you took her too!" There was a flash of light as Roxas summoned just the Oblivion to his side and swung at Sora. The brunette only had a split second to roll out of the way in time.

_Not this again!_ Sora cursed his misfortune. It seemed everything angered the Nobody and it was becoming a frequent occurrence to be dodging his attacks every time he showed up. Part of Sora was tempted to see what would happen if he just gave up. Would he be harmed at all, since Roxas wasn't a corporeal being? Or would he suffer psychological harm like last time when he lost his voice?

Choosing not to risk it, he continued to roll out of the way. He didn't have time to get to his feet. Roxas' attacks were wilder and more violent. It was becoming increasingly more difficult to avoid being struck. Suddenly, Sora found himself rolling into what felt like a deep body of water with no signs of a bottom. With his arms still restrained, he wasn't able to right himself and swim to the surface. It was like he was being dragged through the water to his death. He held his breath for as long as possible. He was running out of time. The murky waters of whatever pool he fell into surrounded him, threatening to enter his nostrils and mouth. Panic filled the brunette. He was going to drown any minute, the moment he gasped for breath. But not if he transformed into his Final Form…

Sora cried out, unable to hold his breath any longer. Instead of water infiltrating his lungs, he received a gulp of much needed air. His eyes opened. He was no longer sinking to a watery grave; he was still in his room, dry as a sandy desert. Roxas was gone.

_Another hallucination…_

It occurred to him that Roxas was trying very hard to get Sora to break free from his bindings and escape the psychiatric hospital. But to what end? Sora thought long and hard about it now that Roxas was leaving him alone.

"Maybe I'm close to finding something he doesn't want me to find," Sora muttered to himself. "Maybe I'm about to uncover something huge and he's trying to get me to leave so Quistis can't uncover it. Or maybe he's trying to halt my progress long enough to let the doctors take me away in two days." He looked up when the door opened and an orderly walked in with a tray of food along with Quistis.

"Good morning," she greeted. "Any luck sleeping?" Sora shook his head. "I was afraid of that." She sighed as she took the tray from the orderly and dismissed him. "I hope you like oatmeal. Lord knows I don't." She sat down next to Sora and scooped up some of the soggy oats, regarding it with a grimace. One look at the bowl and Sora felt like he wanted to gag. It wasn't that he hated oatmeal – he loved it, in fact – it was just that his lack of medication meant food would start taking the forms of rather unpleasant things again.

"I'm not eating a bowl of maggots," Sora grumbled, regarding what his mind's eye saw, and he turned away. Quistis looked at the spoon and back at Sora. It immediately clicked and she pushed the tray away.

"Right, sorry. I should have just brought you toast. Would you like me to get some for you?"

"No, don't go!" Sora suddenly gasped. "When I'm all alone, the visions start up again." He didn't want to admit it, but he was becoming terrified of those moments when he was all by himself. It was nice having company – preferably company that wasn't trying to murder him with a Keyblade.

"Sora, you need to eat something."

"It's just two days! I can go without food for two days! Just don't go yet!" Quistis stood up. "Wait!" She made her way to the door but stopped, calling over a nurse and sending her to retrieve the food. Once that was done, she sat back down beside Sora, much to his silent relief.

"There, that wasn't so bad." Sora smiled faintly. He didn't know when it happened, but he grew to enjoy Quistis' company very much. He was an only child in his family – no brothers or sisters to speak of - so Quistis was like the big sister he never had. She was so understanding.

"Thank you…" he whispered to the floor beneath his feet. It wasn't entirely his intention for Quistis to hear him, even though the gratitude was directed at her, but if she did hear, it was no problem. Of course, she did hear, and she smiled back at him.

"Anytime," she said to the ceiling, mimicking Sora's avoidance of directly speaking to the person intended. "Let's get on with our sessions while we wait for your food, shall we?"

OOOoooOOO

Day 3

Quistis breathed a heavy sigh. Today was the final day she had with Sora and she felt she was no closer to solving his problem than before. If anything, she felt pressured by the board of medical directors and it was causing her to not think completely straight. She needed a clear mind in order to think of possible areas to explore in Sora's mind, but with such a limited timeframe, she felt stressed.

Strewn across her desk were all the notes that Xehonart and Ansem the Wise had made about the Heartless and Nobodies. It was so much information and much of it contradicted the other, so making sense of it all was near impossible. She felt this was out of her league. She needed more time to study Sora. But time was not a luxury she had.

This was the first time her job made her want to scream and stamp her feet like a child. Her calm, cool, collected exterior was cracking.

"There has to be something here that can help me…" she whispered.

She glanced at her clock. It was 3:45pm. She had less than 3 hours before Dr. Magus went to review her progress and check on the patient. If Sora wasn't deemed sane by 6:00pm, a couple of police officers would take him away in their cruiser and he'd be charged with assault of the medical staff. Then, she was sure, after they had a look at her notes, no matter that they were confidential, they'd charge Sora with the murder of Kairi. Quistis could already picture how the court proceedings would go. He wouldn't be able to plea insanity because he was quite sound of mind the night of the accident. His dementia was a result of accident. He'd be found guilty and he'd go to prison for the rest of his life.

"No pressure," Quistis said to herself, rubbing her tires eyes. She didn't even care if she lost her job after this disaster. All she cared was that Sora be allowed to live his life like he did before. She had never met someone as pure-hearted and sweet as Sora. It would be unfair for him to suffer punishment for something he didn't mean to do.

The problem wasn't in the nature of the Heartless or Nobodies or anyone's past. The problem was that Roxas saw Sora as the murderer of his love interest. So there had to be some way to convince him that it really was an accident. If he could be shown that, then perhaps it'd quell his anger towards his Other. Perhaps he could finally lay dormant in Sora's mind in peace.

She sighed again. Going over her notes on the session where they replayed the accident, she read something that Sora claimed he heard Kairi say. It was garbled up, unintelligible. Perhaps another language…?

"Yehk woh sih nethfeervet…" Quistis read off the paper. She repeated the phrase several times, trying to decipher it.

Her head shot up from her sleepy stupor. She had a sudden revelation. She knew what had to be done. They had to revisit the night of Kairi's death.

Not bothering to clean off her desk, she rushed off to room 205. But the scene before her was a frightening one. The concrete door looked like it had been blown off its hinges from an explosion within the room. The two orderlies who normally stood on guard were slumped over, one bleeding from the head. Quistis stepped over them and peered into the empty padded room. The only sign that someone had actually occupied the room at some point was the shredded straight jacket on the ground.

"Sora!" she called down the hall. Where had he gone? She quickly checked for a pulse in each man on the ground and when she was sure they'd be fine, she rushed off to find the distraught young man on the loose. "Sora!" Further down the hall and around the corner, there was an open window. Quistis stared out, wondering if he would have really leapt from the second story of the building. There was a flicker of movement on the ground near the perimeter of the courtyard outside. She could make out a figure scaling the wall to escape.

"Sora!" she screamed towards the figure. He ignored her. She changed her tactics. "Roxas!" The figure stopped and looked back. Feeling bold, Quistis climbed out the window. 'It's not that far down…' she told herself. She dove off, landing harshly on the ground below. Luckily, she didn't break anything like she thought she might've, but she was still sore from her landing. "Roxas wait!" She began running as fast as she could. The closer she got, the clearer she could see her brunette patient sitting on the top of the large wall surround the hospital grounds. He was dressed in just a pair of sweatpants. It was like he was waiting for her. Once she was standing next to the wall, she took a moment to catch her breath. "Please…" she gasped, taking a deep breath. "Don't run away…" Roxas, controlling Sora's body once again, regarded her with little interest. "We can work through this! Just give me a chance; I think I figured it out!"

"Figured what out? How to suppress me?" Roxas asked coldly. "Force me into the shadows?"

"No!" Quistis said, shaking her head. "No, we need to go back to the night of the accident! Kairi tried to say something! I think she was trying to say something that would have saved Sora a good deal of grief if he weren't so in shock to hear it. You have to let me speak to him, please!" Roxas pretended to consider it.

"Nope, Sora's not home." He prepared to jump off the wall to freedom. He suddenly froze as if someone just zapped him with electricity. "Quistis, grab me, quick!" The icy edge was gone from his voice. It was Sora. "Quickly, before I lose control again! I can't move!" Quistis had to jump high to wrap her hands around his waist and pull him down. They landed in a disheveled heap on the grass. "We don't have much time before he takes over again!"

"Sora, you're stronger than that," urged Quistis. "You can fight it!"

"No, I can't!" Sora sat up and pressed his back against the brick wall, breathing heavily. "Put me to sleep, right here."

"What?!"

"You said something about figuring out what Kairi's last words were. Put me to sleep so I can uncover them! Hurry!" Nodding fervently, Quistis walked Sora through the necessary steps to get him in a semi-sleep state.

"Bring up the accident!" she said quickly. Sora's mind flashed to life as he recalled the night when everything went wrong. "Go to the part where Kairi is trying to speak, but play it _backwards_." Sora would have given Quistis a strange look if he could. Instead, he followed her directions.

He leaned in close, cradling Kairi's dying body. The background around him seemed to fade away. His heart was pounding so hard he was afraid he'd miss Kairi's last words again due to the noise in his ears. He proceeded to play the memory in reverse and held his breath. All background noise vanished as if a vacuum somehow sucked it all out.

"…It's okay…" she whispered. "Everything is okay…"

Sora felt a shiver run down his spine.

All this time, she was trying to comfort him in her dying breaths. She forgave him and he had no idea until now.

"Oh my god…" he whispered. "Everything is okay…?" He felt a surge of emotions well up inside him, the one holding dominance being relief and happiness. The scene before him faded into darkness and his mind went blank.

He gasped when he opened his eyes, taking a deep breath for the first time in many minutes. He was standing atop of the great stain-glass platform once again. The light below his feet gave off a faint glow. He felt at peace for the first time in a long time. His ears perked up when he heard a soft sobbing noise across the platform. His heart seemed to stop. Sitting on the edge with his feet dangling over was none other than Roxas. His back was to Sora and his shoulders were slumped over, shaking slightly. Sora approached him with caution, unsure if this was just another trick. The closer he got, the louder the sobbing became. Was Roxas crying? Sora reached out as he got nearer and placed his hand slowly and softly on Roxas' shoulder. The blonde made no movement to suggest he was even aware of his Other behind him.

"Roxas…?" Sora whispered, getting just a bit closer. He didn't know what to say. He wanted to ask why his Nobody was crying, but at the same time, he wanted to run away, far away from his homicidal counterpart. "What… what's wrong?" He heard several snivels and coughs as the blonde tried to regain some semblance of composure.

"Everything…" he gasped out quietly, rubbing his eyes furiously. Sora grew confused. Roxas managed a chuckle in between sobs. "So this is what crying is like? God…" He looked over his shoulder. "I didn't know…" Sora's eyebrows knitted together in puzzlement. Roxas opened his mouth to speak but was unable to pick suitable words. He finally settled on, "I don't even know where to begin telling you how sorry I am. But I know that simply saying sorry won't take back the months of anguish I caused you."

"Wha…?" Now the brunette was seriously confused. "You're sorry? For what?"

"For what?!" Roxas laughed bitterly. "You're kidding, right?" Sora shook his head. "I drove you crazy! Literally! All because I was exactly revenge on Naminé's behalf, but all this time, she… _they_ forgave you for what happened. Do you know how foolish I feel at this moment?" Sora shook his head again, this time more sadly. Roxas turned back to the abyss, hiding his face in his hands. "It's like… a veil has been lifted from my eyes. One minute, I was blinded by rage and vengeance, the next minute, Kairi's words struck me to my core and… my anger just disappeared… I can't explain it."

"I think I know what you mean…" Sora replied and took a seat next to Roxas on the ledge. "I can already feel the shroud of… insanity -" He laughed at that word. "-wearing off. It's just so… consoling to know that… her last moments alive… she was in no pain. Everything was okay…"

"It still is," said a voice behind the two boys. They both turned rapidly and sprung to their feet. Standing there, hand in hand, was Kairi and Naminé, a soft glow cast over their heads. "I'm happy to see you two have finally made up." Kairi smiled sweetly.

"KAIRI!" Sora cried.

"NAMINÉ!" Roxas called out. The two young men ran to their respective girls. Sora lifted Kairi off the ground, spinning her around in circles while Roxas gave Naminé a crushing warm hug, happy to be in her presence once again.

"Oh my god, I've missed you," Sora rambled. "I've missed you so much! I can't believe you're here! I'm never letting go! Never, never…"

"Whoa, c'mon now," Kairi said with merriment in her voice. "I'm getting dizzy!" Sora planted her firmly on the ground and took a step back to admire the woman he loved. She hadn't changed much, but that was to be expected. He suddenly felt cold inside.

"This is real, right? I'm not dreaming?" he asked quickly. Naminé and Kairi exchanged looks. "Please, no! Tell me I'm not dreaming!"

"All I can tell you is that I'm really Kairi, but this isn't the real world. We're inside your mind." Sora's face faltered. For a moment, he was filled to the brim with happiness and joy he thought he'd never experience again without Kairi in his life. And now that happiness was being drained from him. "Please don't be sad. We came to deliver a message."

"You're not staying?" he asked desperately. Kairi quickly gave him a hug before he could get distraught.

"I never left you. I've been with you all this time! I just couldn't communicate with you before!" She looked him in the eye. "I love you. I always wanted to tell you." Sora was overcome with emotion again.

"I love you too!" His voice was breaking and it was getting difficult to breathe.

"I never blamed you for what happened. Not once! You don't know how painful it's been to watch you descend into madness because of me. Promise me something." There was a sense of urgency in her voice.

"Anything!"

"Promise me you'll move on! Promise you'll find happiness! Please!" Sora felt a tear roll down his cheek.

"I… I can't…"

"You have to!" Her hands were starting to fade. She looked at Naminé. The blonde was talking quietly with Roxas. They smiled at one another before Naminé gave Roxas a shy kiss. Her form was starting to disappear as well. Kairi turned back to Sora. "Sora, I don't have much time. Please, this may be the last time I get to see you. I need to know that you'll be happy without me!" Sora tried to swallow, but his throat felt swollen. Hesitantly, he nodded.

"I will…" he whispered. "I promise…" Kairi broke into a smile. She went to back up, but Sora gently grabbed her shoulders and pulled her into one final kiss goodbye. He felt his grip loosen as her body disappeared and he was left with a tingle on his lips before he opened his eyes. Kairi and Naminé were gone.

"Goodbye…" he heard a voice say as if the wind breathed Kairi's voice. Roxas stood beside Sora in the same shocked stupor. Sora's expression went blank. That was it. She was really gone this time. The reality of it all settled into his brain. He grasped onto Roxas' shoulder when he felt his legs give out. The blonde helped him to the floor where the two sat, leaning on each for support, neither having the strength to get up. They were silent for a long time.

"I'll never see her again," Sora whispered, breaking the silence. Roxas nodded sadly.

"But… we promised them to move on and find happiness elsewhere," he said.

"I don't know if I can."

"You promised." He looked at Sora. "Remember what you told Lulu? The pain will ease. So let it."

There was a flash of light and Sora found himself waking up on some soft damp grass.

"Sora?" There was a concerned voice coming from above him. Sora recognized it as Quistis. "Sora! Speak to me!"

"I'm awake…" he whispered, his throat still tight and dry. He felt droplets of water splashing against his cheek. "Is it raining?" Quistis gaped at him.

"No… you're crying… You've been crying for the last half hour in your sleep!" Sora sat up, brushing away the tears that wouldn't stop flowing. "What happened?" He couldn't explain it at the moment. He hadn't cried once after Kairi's death except one time when his medication left him feeling loopy. It was like his body had spent the last few months suppressing his grief and tears, and now that he wasn't suffering from dementia, his grief was catching up with him. He got the feeling that he'd be crying for a long time after his sadness dissipated.

"Everything's okay now…" he whispered.

OOOoooOOO

In the days that followed Sora's recovery, he underwent review by Dr. Magus so he could be deemed sane and discharged from the hospital. The day he was allowed to leave, he lingered around his room, vowing to never forget his experience at that hospital. He took his time packing since Riku wasn't due to pick him up for about an hour. There was a knock at the door. Sora looked over his shoulder to see Zell leaning on the doorframe.

"I heard you're not crazy anymore," he said, grinning ear to ear. "That's a pity. I liked you better when you were."

"I'll take that as a compliment," Sora replied, grinning as well. "Come to say goodbye?"

"How 'bout 'see you later'? I hope you won't forget us little people here when you're back among the boring sane ones." They shared a laugh. Then Sora remembered something.

"About that… I remembered you mentioning something. About your memories returning slowly." Sora pulled a photo out of his wallet. "Is this the guy from your memories?" He showed the photo of Squall with the other Restoration Committee members standing in Radiant Garden. Zell snatched it and examined it with awe.

"It is! You know him?" His voice was full of excitement.

"I know this is going to sound crazy-"

"Hello? We're in a psychiatric hospital."

"Shaddup. Like I was saying, this might sound crazy, but he's from another world far from this one. Your home was a place called Radiant Garden. His named is Squall." Zell had a serious look on his face.

"You serious? I'm from another world?" Sora nodded enthusiastically. "Then how do I get back?" He thoughtfully put his hand to his chin.

"Well, a friend of mine was able to traverse worlds just by believing hard enough that he could." Sora was of course referring to Beast when he had been trying to track down Belle. "Maybe if you believe and concentrate, you'll make it there too." Zell would have been skeptical three months ago, but after meeting Sora and seeing the things he could do, Zell was ready to believe anything.

"Thanks buddy. You know, I'm gonna miss having you around." Sora smiled warmly.

"Same here." They embraced before Sora grabbed his suitcase and left the room. He popped his head back in for just a moment to say, "Oh by the way, you and Quistis should totally get over your inhibitions and make out or something. Seriously." Zell's eyes went wide as he blushed furiously. "You're not the only one who likes 'people watching'. Toodles!" Sora disappeared from the doorway again, leaving a very embarrassed Zell.

Sora continued making his way to the main entrance. He was somewhat surprised to see Vincent and Lulu standing there waiting for him.

"You didn't think you'd get to leave without saying goodbye, did you?" Lulu asked slyly. "You're not that sneaky."

"Oh damn," Sora said sarcastically. "So close." He set his bag down and gave Lulu a big hug. He turned to give one to Vincent, but the red-clad man shot him a warning look, so Sora chose instead to give Vincent a handshake. "I'll miss you guys." They nodded. Sora turned to Garnet, who was sitting behind the reception desk. "Um… Nurse Garnet, for what it's worth, I'm sorry about the whole 'threatening to kill you' business."

"Oh don't you worry," Garnet said brightly. "No harm done!" Sora smiled. He heard the front door open and there was a familiar mop of silver hair.

"Riku!" Sora cheered, rushing the poor man before he had a chance to gather his bearings, knocking them both down.

"Hi Sora," he said in a muffled voice. "Get off me."

"Sorry!" Sora leapt to his feet and helped Riku up. "It's just that I've really missed you! Those are my friends, Vincent, Lulu, and Garnet." Riku awkwardly waved to them and they waved back (sans Vincent). Sora grabbed his bag and made his way to the door. Standing just on the other side was Quistis.

"Hey kiddo," she greeted. "What'd I tell ya? You're sane like the rest of us. Didn't I promise you from the start that we'd get you all healed up?" Sora laughed warmly and gave her a long hug. "Don't forget to visit us sometimes. You don't have to be crazy to say hi every now and then."

"I'll visit you guys real soon. Thank you so much for everything. You could've lost your job over me." Quistis waved her hand as if to say 'It was nothing.'

"Somewhere down the line, it stopped being a job and it became just helping my friends when they needed it most." She turned Sora around and gave him a playful shove towards Riku's car. "Now go on. Get back to reality." She waved as Sora got in the car.

"Bye!" All his friends were standing outside as Riku started the engine.

"All ready to go?" Riku asked. Sora nodded, his eyes shining. He took one last look at his friends, waving happily before they left the building, leaving it behind in their car. Once they were a good distance away, Sora let his exaggerated happiness dwindle down. "So… how'd everything go? Tell me everything!" Riku was ecstatic about finally getting a chance to speak with Sora. It felt like months and months since he had his best friend truly back.

"It's a long story, but since it's a long drive, I think we have time," Sora said, a wistful smile never leaving his face, despite the tears he finally let slide down his face. Riku glanced over, concerned.

"If you don't want to talk about it, I'll understand."

"Oh, don't mind the tears," Sora said. "I'm just catching up on lost grieving time." Riku wasn't entirely sure what he meant, but he figured it was normal for the moment. He was just thrilled at finally having his best friend back. Sora allowed himself to relax for the car ride home as he retold the events from the past month and a half at the psychiatric hospital. It felt so good to get it all off his chest. Riku listened intently without interrupting. When Sora had finished, there was a long period of silence. It was a comfortable silence that only two best friends could share after spending a lifetime together.

"So what are you going to do now?" Riku asked quietly as they pulled into the driveway of their home. Sora thought about it for a few moments.

"Go back to school. Get a degree. Get a job. Live my life." It sounded drab and boring in comparison to his exciting life prior to returning to the islands, but after this whole insanity mess, all he wanted was a nice quiet life. "There's one thing left to do before I can move on."

OOOoooOOO

About a week had past since Sora had arrived home and settled back into his life. He stood on a hillside holding a bouquet of roses in his hand. The wind howled loudly past his ears, ruffling his clothes and hair. The day was overcast with a chance of rain. He was unbothered by the weather conditions. It wasn't like he was out there for a picnic anyway. He was finally visiting the place he had avoided for many months. He kneeled slowly before a marked grave that read "Kairi, beloved daughter and friend to many". Without a word, he placed the roses on her grave. He could hear Roxas murmuring words in his head, but they weren't at all threatening or frightening. They were comforting and soothing. Sora was never happier to have an Other who understood the pain he was going through and could relate.

Once Sora was done paying his respects, he walked away from the grave with a sense of closure in his heart. He knew that even though he couldn't see Kairi anymore, she was still in his heart. He felt he finally had the strength to move on with his life, just like she wanted. Sora smiled.

"Everything is okay…"

OoOoOoO

Fin

OOOoooOOO

A/N: Well it's over. Chalk full of clichés and cheesy moments. Sorry about that. I've sorta had this all planned out for months and months, and the way it played out in my head was like a movie. As we all know, movies are just ripe for clichés. :P But to be honest, I was near tears when I wrote some of those final scenes. I hope I conveyed the emotions I wanted.

I know many of you have had Kairi's last words worked out since like chapter 5, but the point was that Sora and Quistis didn't work it out until now, which I think adds to dramatic effect. Anyway, reviews are greatly appreciated! I stayed up very late to get this last chapter done!


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